mum's saying she will top herself....

shy-but-need-help

I have bipolar (and I'm a mom of five) and I have to say my biggest motivation in keeping to my medication and attending all my appointments is the fear I'll end up being like your mom and putting my kids in the position you are in now when they are adults. On my "good" days (being the days when I am neither high nor low) I take notes to remind myself why I need to keep on with the meds/treatments because I know on a bad day no amount of DH telling me it's in my best interest is going to convince me (the world is out to get me on those days and I can entirely rationalise to myself on bad days why the treatment isn't right) so I re-read what I've writen on good days as frankly if I can't trust myself who can I?

Anyway, what hit me most about your post is the fact it's assumed that no one will discuss her medical issues with anyone but her. I am not sure how other health authorities work but when I began treatment/diagnosis part of my paperwork was naming DH as a person I was happy for them to talk to if they considered it in my best interest- in effect if they think I am at risk of making a decision which would be harmful to myself they can bypass me and go to him (on good days we do joke about this but in reality I am thankful to know he is always going to be able to over-ride my manic days when I feel I know best but might make ridiculous/unhealthy decisions) I think it would be worth finding out who (if anyone) is listed in this capacity for your mother and if it's possible for yourself or your sister to be put into that loop.

Notify them about her lack of willing to consistantly take medications- they may be willing to act on that (one of my medications comes in time release pill form or the option of "sprinkles" to mix with food... not suggesting that a long term solution is to dupe your mother into her medications but if it's highly probably her state of mind would be alot more rational if she was back on those medications it might be in her better interest. I have instructed my DH that when/if I reach the state of irrationality I see some people with my condition in then he has my full permission- given whilst entirely mentally well- to sneak my medication in anyway he can.)

I do think you've made the right choice with your daughter, there's not a cat in hells chance I'd want my kids around an unmedicated me in a low period. (in fact even a medicated "low" I tend to send them to have fun with my mother so they don't have to endure it)

The psychiatrist as a friend thing would concern me too- they should be a friendly professional you can talk to but the emphasis must always remain on professional not friend- I can tell mine anything but I certainly won't be inviting her for a family BBQ anytime soon!

I also second the family therapy/support idea- a big part of my treatment is ensuring not just my health but that those who deal with me are supported/able to talk about the impact I have on them.

Good luck

dannie

elff - What I am wondering is was there anything in your Mum's foot?Did anybody/professional advise or examine it? I do not think I am allowed to advise here but a health professional would inform you of the importance of foot care and people with diabetes.

pmlindyloo

Have been following this post with interest as I have had many similar problems with my mum. Thankfully she is now in a residential home and I know she is safe, warm and taking her medication. (albeit, still moaning!) I spent many years trying help her and nearly ended up having a breakdown so I think you are very wise to think of yourself and family. Please don't feel guilty.

I also wanted to reiterate what a previous poster said. I was able to speak to my mother's doctor on several ocassions. In fact, he said 'please telephone/visit whenever you need to' so I would certainly give it a try.

I do not think you will change your mother's personality. However, she should be taking the correct medication and I think her doctor should be informed that she isn't. If I remember correctly (can't see the first post!) she should be taking anti depressants (?). I know you can't force someone to take medication but I do think her GP should know about the situation and act accordingly.

Take care.

elff

dannie wrote: »

elff - What I am wondering is was there anything in your Mum's foot?Did anybody/professional advise or examine it? I do not think I am allowed to advise here but a health professional would inform you of the importance of foot care and people with diabetes.

She is WELL aware of this and frequentley me or sis has to go and have a look...

elff

My sister has just left after turning up unannouced... I foolsih left teh side door open and they just wnadered into the gardne and started playing with the twins...

mum had bought them some cheep plastic hats and tools - most of which have broken already and informed me that she is back in the room now...... great

Untill i am convinced she will not be left alone with my daughter (she wats her tomorrow as my brother is home for the weekend and she tends to keep him busy...)

mutter

Couldn't read and run.
I can't offer any advice though.
I went through similar problems with my own mother, who died last year.
My sister and I don't feel we'll ever 'get over' the worry she caused us right from our early childhood into our middle age.

We never managed to do enough for her, or to make her happy, and we never managed to stop trying.

I wish you all the luck in the world.

elff

mutter wrote: »

We never managed to do enough for her, or to make her happy, and we never managed to stop trying.

I wish you all the luck in the world.

Thanks it's just nice to know its not just me...

mutter

No, it certainly isn't just you!
But I know what you mean.

Right from my primary school days when I'd tell fibs about what a happy christmas we'd had (we hadn't, mum always saved her biggest downers for the festive season/holidays/family occasions etc) to more recent times where I'd tell people I had to cook her lunch every day because she was disabled (I didn't, she could do it herself, but she had a great talent for starving herself for weeks on end when she wasn't getting enough attention) I felt like I must be the only person on earth with a mother like that, but of course I wasn't.

My mother used to complain about how clingy my younger sister was. It was only recently I discovered that the reason my sister never went to sleepovers and didn't spend a night away from home until she was 19 was that she was scared to leave mum in case 'something happened'.

dumpy

Another one coming forward to say not just you!

Although in my case it was my Gran rather than Mum.

"I'm no use to anyone", "nobody loves me"....... "I'm going to commit suicide when I'm 60" (she lived to 99)

And Christmas, why, oh why, do they always go off on one then?

So definately not just you.