mum's saying she will top herself....

elff

Lookin for advice really or if anyone has any experience with this.

My mums around 70 has clinical depression diabeties and servere arthritus she rarley goes out... If she does its with my dad to tesco (she is in a wheekchair and cant walk far)

ever since i can remember she has always said to us what a carp mum she is blah blah blah We have an older brother in residential care as he is serverly mental handicaped (or whatever the pc term is this week and she spends most of her days either feeling sorry for herself or for him - he can do no wrong in her eyes and believe me he knows excatley how to get his own way.

Friday i call her as i am shopping to see if she needs anything... she starts sobbing down the phone saying she has fallen and got somthing in her foot.... luckily hubby is off work so i drive round there foot was fine for the next couple of hours she goes on to tell me how usless she is etc.... and how if she goes its not my fault? She also said her pysciatrist (she has been seeing for 15yrs) came to visit her house - she made a big point of how they dont usually do that.... then she told me they had a discussion about which med's mum would take if she did intend to top herself....

My little sis poped round last night asking if i have heard from her as she is trying to ignore her for a bit as she went round on sunday and spent all day cleaning/washing and ironing for her (dad still at work) as she was trying to get her to talk about what will happen when she's gone etc...

My dad's even got the habbit of calling us on our mobiles to see if we have heard from her and what kind of a day she's having before he goes home.... he is leaving for work earlier and earlier in the morning according to mum i dont blame him who want to listen to that all again.

We have both offered to take her out (she wont go anywhere i have suguested time and time again that i just go and collect her and she can sit in my house (i have twins) for a couple of hours as she always says she dost see the children as often as she want's as well as belittleing my parenting skills... (i always call before we visit as if we turn up its highly likely she wont let us in.

I know she has stopped taking to anti depression pills...she is on a lot of medication and pretty much chooses herself what to take and when just spoke to her and chemist have delivered the wrong size needles for her insulin (again she dosnt have a routine for this just when she can be bothered...) she called her gp practice and they said she will get the new size ones now aas she dosn't need the other ones... mum just said she wont bother with the injections now.

I use to have the same GP as her untill i moved but not sure if they would talk to me i am now with a different practice and i personally believe that her relationship with the psyciatrist is more like a friendship now after so many years and does her no good really as she dosn't even offer any different treratment as she know mum will say no - mum even invited her to my wedding....

We have had a bit of a scrap this morning on the phone with me saying if she isn't involved in life what the bloody point she dosn't even make the slightest effort she just sits in her chair all day long expecting people to come to her - if she feels like it . I know she is mentally ill but after 30 years to be honest both me and sis are fed up - I also have decided that she shouldnt have my daughter (5) every couple off weeks i will drop her round for a couple of hours after school then my dad brings her home.
I dont think it's healthy for her to be around mum - especially as the last time dd came home she was talking alot about heaven.....

whitewing

I think you are right to be careful about having your young daughter witnessing that kind of talk.

I think Boots the Chemist do some kind of medicines review scheme. Maybe you could get her an appointment with Boots and go along with her. She may understand the effects of her medication/not taking them/ being erratic if she saw someone different.

CH27

You've defo made the right decision about your daughter.

Try ringing the GP & asking to speak to the Practice Manager.
Explain your concerns & ask for their advice.

Good luck. You are in a horrid situation.

elff

thanks i dont think boot's will help she has ALOT of medication insulin variety of painkillers anti inflamittys tranqualisers etc... I have walk out of tesco chemist with 3 carrier bags full before... There is also the problem of getting her anywhere (she is in a wheel chair and i have twins i cant do buggy and wheel chair together) even in the unlikley event she would agree to go.

I know if she took the medication she has been given on time in the right amounts she would feel better - she just dosn't

I think she has spiraled down so much in her words she can't be bothered anymore - i am reluctant to go round there (with the twins and dd) as to be honest i dont want to hear abount how usless she how much better a nanny my dd other nanny is etc bless my dd she says she loves everyone the same

Do you think a GP would do a home visit if i call them? - ALthough mum said last time she went GP was getting fed up with her as she keeps refusing different med's

whitewing

Maybe ring your health visitor. She is there to support you and your young family. Mine also has a wealth of knowledge about most other things that make life difficult. She may have a few suggestions.

elff

whitewing wrote: »

Maybe ring your health visitor. She is there to support you and your young family. Mine also has a wealth of knowledge about most other things that make life difficult. She may have a few suggestions.

i would but am still waiting for a call back from her she said she would be 10 minutes... that was in march

ALways goes through to an answerphone - my dad has just called he is finishing work early and said he will ' have a word' with her tonight... i suspect he will go up to his own room and watch telly

patchwork_cat

If she truly feels as bad as she is making out she would take the tablets religiously, surely. Is she attention seeking?

elff

She has never taking her tablets on time even her insulin and pretty much makes up the dose's as she thinks fit... she stops taking some as she dosn't like the side effects etc...

She made my dad take up a hobby as neither of them do anything and now she moan's to me and my sis that he is out 'all the time' he goes once a week and the odd sunday morning... she told him to do this so -when shes gone he will have friends and a place to go get out of the house etc...

She keeps going on and on about how complicate it is to write a will - with my brother involved she told me and sis she had us so we would look after him from a very young age... I have my own family now and my sis has her own life as well but in her eyes we should all be living together sharing the responability...

It's got to the point now when i can't be bothered anymore and somtimes think how easy my life would be if i didn't have to worry about her - then i feel horriabley guilty try to do more and it starts over again... the new ' its not your fault if i die' and 'you mustn't blame yourself' is new though.

I have done nothing really today - i havent even taken the kids to the park as i am worried she will call and say she has done somthing...

Percy1983

Yo be honest I really don't know what to advise, my mum has many similar conditions, but instead of self pitty she is still out and about.

I really hope things get better.

abby1234519

Can she get a carer? Someone who makes sure her meds are taken? Also makes sure that she has someone to natter at (even if they don't listen...)
Surely the social services would advise this if shes basically threatening to top herself. Could be good for her

Hobo17

I have no personal experience but know someone who volunteers for them - would MIND be of any help?

http://www.mind.org.uk/help/i_know_someone_with_a_mental_health_problem