let down by family again

p_joker

Does anyone else seem to have the same problem as me? I always thought that family look out for each other but it seems to be the other way round with my husbands family, they put strangers 1st e.g 1 : when my son was born we lived in a flat and someone at work told me that my husbands nans house - she rents it out and lives in another house with her partner was about to become empty the last tenants were moving out so I thought oh a house that would be ideal for my boy as he gets older but she refused point blank to rent it to us as she didn't believe my husbands would cut the grass :-s she had no reason to think this as this wasn't something that had ever happened,
e.g 2 my husbands hours at work started getting really stupid they would sometimes give him 9 hours in a week! his brother is a supervisor in a shop and I saw there was a job on the job centre website but when he asked his brother he said he wouldn't be comfortable with having him there as he's family, I once worked in a shop that had a brother and sister, a mum and daughter and an aunty and niece all working there and it was fine
e.g 3 hubbys half sister has a kitten she can't cope with because her son is 2 rough with it, i told her Saturday morning we would have him and pick him up tomorrow after i had t at my dads house, when it came to it she sent me a message saying she's going out now sorry so i asked her this morning when we can come and she said she's got someone coming at lunch time to look at him im so fed up this is the 2nd time we have been let down, I agreed to have a cat from someone last week who changed their mind at the last min my husband thinks nothing of it but my family don't treat me like this, my dad offered to buy us a car when the last broke down my husbands mum says she's fed up of my husband phoning her when things go wrong!

fannyanna

p_joker wrote: »

Does anyone else seem to have the same problem as me? I always thought that family look out for each other but it seems to be the other way round with my husbands family, they put strangers 1st e.g 1 : when my son was born we lived in a flat and someone at work told me that my husbands nans house - she rents it out and lives in another house with her partner was about to become empty the last tenants were moving out so I thought oh a house that would be ideal for my boy as he gets older but she refused point blank to rent it to us as she didn't believe my husbands would cut the grass :-s she had no reason to think this as this wasn't something that had ever happened,
e.g 2 my husbands hours at work started getting really stupid they would sometimes give him 9 hours in a week! his brother is a supervisor in a shop and I saw there was a job on the job centre website but when he asked his brother he said he wouldn't be comfortable with having him there as he's family, I once worked in a shop that had a brother and sister, a mum and daughter and an aunty and niece all working there and it was fine
e.g 3 hubbys half sister has a kitten she can't cope with because her son is 2 rough with it, i told her Saturday morning we would have him and pick him up tomorrow after i had t at my dads house, when it came to it she sent me a message saying she's going out now sorry so i asked her this morning when we can come and she said she's got someone coming at lunch time to look at him im so fed up this is the 2nd time we have been let down, I agreed to have a cat from someone last week who changed their mind at the last min my husband thinks nothing of it but my family don't treat me like this, my dad offered to buy us a car when the last broke down my husbands mum says she's fed up of my husband phoning her when things go wrong!

A LOT of people go by the rule of thumb of never mix business with pleasure. I think this owuld be the main reason behind the first two examples you gave. I think you'd find a lot of people who wouldn't rent to their family or work with their family (unless of course it's a family run business). In fact in some work places there are rules about working with family members i.e. not in the same team.

Also families are different. I come from a family that are close and we look out for each other and will try to help where we can. I've borrowed money off parents (as they know I'll pay it back). My husbands family is the complete opposite. They are in a much better financial position than my family but they would never help out financially. It doesn't mean they don't care. At first I found this upsetting but after a while I realised it's just that their family is different to my family. Not everyone is the same.

carolan78

Sorry to hear this P-joker I understand why it gets to you. Both sides of our family are extremely supportive and I know I would be upset with their petty actions and excuses. The only one I can really see has a valid point is the brother, I'm not sure I would like to work with my brother as much as I love him it would drive me nuts BUT if it meant he had food on the table I would try to come to some kind of short term arrangement or tell him to do childcare and get his wife in.

Pollycat

Like fannyanna, I guess I can sort-of understand the first 2.

Maybe your OH's Nan thought you would want to pay a reduced rent or maybe might be less punctual paying the rent than a stranger.

I'm not saying that would e the case but that might have been behind her thinking.

Re the job - depending on what sort of shop it was (high street chain, major supermarket etc), perhaps your OH's brother was worried about being accused of nepotism (seen to be favouring your OH over other applicants simply because he's family).
I read about a very high ranking police officer being sacked for that very reason.
It could also depend on how your OH approached his brother about the job.
i.e. did he assume that because he was family, he'd be given the job?
Or was he willing to go through the application process in exactly the same way as all the other applicants.
Maybe your OH's brother thought he could employ someone with better experience than your OH.

re the cat - depending on how old your son is, maybe your OH's half-sister was worried that he'd also be rough with the kitten.

Of course, they may all be a**eholes - and therefore not worth bothering about.

p_joker

thanks for your replies, maybe I'm just to touchy. My dad always wants to support us in anyway he can but my husbands family all seem to be out for them self. When we go round his mums with the kids she after a time starts packing up the kids toys and makes it clear its time for us to go, she said she would have our boys one saturday when we were both working and my husband put something on facebook about me being ill and she didn't ask if I was o.k she just said make sure you tell me if i still have to have the kids, that's another thing we have 2 sons and she wont have them both over to stay the night she will only offer to have 1.

p_joker

Pollycat wrote: »

Like fannyanna, I guess I can sort-of understand the first 2.

Maybe your OH's Nan thought you would want to pay a reduced rent or maybe might be less punctual paying the rent than a stranger.

I'm not saying that would e the case but that might have been behind her thinking.

Re the job - depending on what sort of shop it was (high street chain, major supermarket etc), perhaps your OH's brother was worried about being accused of nepotism (seen to be favouring your OH over other applicants simply because he's family).
I read about a very high ranking police officer being sacked for that very reason.
It could also depend on how your OH approached his brother about the job.
i.e. did he assume that because he was family, he'd be given the job?
Or was he willing to go through the application process in exactly the same way as all the other applicants.
Maybe your OH's brother thought he could employ someone with better experience than your OH.

re the cat - depending on how old your son is, maybe your OH's half-sister was worried that he'd also be rough with the kitten.

Of course, they may all be a**eholes - and therefore not worth bothering about.

yeah i guess they could have felt this way, my husband was going to apply for the job in the normal way, his brother isn't the manager but one under that I think, my husband just asked him what the hours were etc and he just said he wouldn't want him working there, as it turns out his nan ended up renting the house to a family and she didn't know the true rental value and under charged, they told her they would be quite happy to stay for a long time she knows why now, a couple of years later when we were looking for another house she was shocked that we would have to pay £600 a month so I don't know what she charges.

Pollycat

p_joker wrote: »

yeah i guess they could have felt this way, my husband was going to apply for the job in the normal way, his brother isn't the manager but one under that I think, my husband just asked him what the hours were etc and he just said he wouldn't want him working there, as it turns out his nan ended up renting the house to a family and she didn't know the true rental value and under charged, they told her they would be quite happy to stay for a long time she knows why now, a couple of years later when we were looking for another house she was shocked that we would have to pay £600 a month so I don't know what she charges.

Your OH ought to have applied for the job anyway.
Maybe the manager might have felt that it wasn't a good idea to have 2 brothers working together, but it's certainly not up to his brother who works there.

Silly Nan - it's stupid to rent out a house without checking the going rate.
If she's any sense (dubious), she'll have a contract that allows her to end the tenancy or increase the rent.
Her loss, really.

Kimberley82

Never mix business and family, I think the nan and brother were being very sensible.

pigpen

i think you are expecting too much for them to be like your family.. face facts.. they wouldn't pi$$ on you if you were on fire.. accept you are not as important to them as they themselves are and be thankful you have your supportive family who are always there if you need them.

My ex-inlaws were so self obsessed they don't even know the childrens names or ages. I accepted many years ago they were selfish horrid people who didn't deserve me or my children in their lives..

balletshoes

Family dynamics can be all sorts, and clearly your OH's family is not like yours. I know it can work, renting from family/working with family, but its not something I'd be comfortable doing, to be honest. The kitten thing, who knows what your SIL was thinking? Again, if you're looking for a cat, maybe best steer clear of OHs family.

concerned43

I'm with Pigpen - my family are a bunch of wasters - lately I had to make my sister acknowledge my DS birthday as 3 days after his b'day he still had heard nothing from her! I had to call her and have severe words with her in order for her to wish him a happy birthday!!!
There are others in my family who have had an enormous amount of support and financial assistance from me but would not lend me a fiver if asked! - I have cut them out of my life!
You are very lucky to have the family you have and I would just ignore the OH's family.