Relationship Breakdown.

irishjohn

Hi Stenny
This couldn't happen at a worse time for you Xmas holdiays and all that - and you are right - this sort of relationship - being the hidden partner trying to survive in the confined environment he demands must be really tough when you are quite comfortable with your sexuality - how awful to have to "hide in the cupboard" till visitors leave and not make a sound!!

But if he cannot change then you need to make the moves which are right or you. Imagine the worst, afuture where he becomes ill and hospitalised, his family get him into hospital and take over the role of caring, totally ignorant of your existance. What would you do then? Move out of the house till he is well again and the coast is clear? Pack up all your stuff in case the worst happens and then head off alone to the bus stop to leave town?

Your love for him has led you to make a lot of sacrifices and now is a good time to think differently, a new start for you , rather than having to start again. You are still young enough and although the gay world can be very ageist, you can survive and thrive. I have made a few new starts in my time, although I have recently relocated back home to help care for an elderly relative and am finding things a bit tough but I still have a determination to do this and have a life!!

I can offer an ear, to listen and give feedback and support, will have quite a bit of spare time over the holiday too - pm me if you want someone to listen and try to provide the support you need.

Irishjohn -

stenny_2

I do love him yes,
the thing is, i cannot live a hidden life any longer,this has been eating away at me for over a year,
We have talked things calmly through many times and it's always a case of 'we'll cross that bridge when it comes', when it does happen it's back to square one, and he is very stubborn in his ways!

My parents only live some 20 miles away, last time they was invited was over 2 years ago, it's pretty embarrassing, but he also doesn't like company apart from our own but thats also my fault for letting it happen.

The balls in his court, he has till friday to do something about it, but i can assure it will never happen

claireandella

I haven't got much in the way of advice but I do really feel for you and send you a big hug!! You can have one from my 7-month daughter too- hers are particularly good at cheering people up!

It sounds to me as if your life is rather devoid of friends because you don't get a chance to go out much. If you are largely dependent on each other as a couple you don't have much of a support network when things go wrong. I hope you do get back together as you obviously love each other but, if you do,i think you should make more of an effort to go out and meet people. This way you have back-up outside your relationship, there is less pressure on your partner to 'come out' and do things and go places with you if he really isn't comfortable with it, and, you never know- he might see how much fun you're having and want to join in.

XXXXX

cobbingstones

Just wanted to send you a HUGE hug. Hope you sort things out. Going through this at any time of the year is very painful, but somehow Christmas makes it much harder.

Best wishes to you x

salena

Really sorry things arnt working out for you hun, To be honest i dont think there is very much chance of your relationship working until your other half admits to himself and the world what he is. I am openly bi sexual and have friends who have fallen into this trap due to one half being unable to admit the truth about there sexuality.

I dont think its very fair that your other half expects you to go into hiding everytime certain people come round. You should be able to go out holding hands and do things that a normal couple do. Im sorry but i think he is being very selfish to expect you to spend your life hiding your true love and feelings to the world, On this alone the relationship would never work.

I had a friend who tried councilling, He was very much in denial and was petrified of what everyone would think of him, Anyway to cut along story short the councillor worked wonders, He learnt how to cope with all his worrys and fears and he is know openly gay and very happy and getting married next year. This is the only thing i can think of that could now save your relationship, If he doesnt come out it will never work.

Hope ive helped a little and i wish you all the luck for the future hun x

stenny_2

Thanx for comment selena and others,

Gonna sit him down later tonight and calmly chat and ask him once more if he can do anything about it.

I will mention the councilling again as a few have mentioned, but i already know the outcome, 100% no! Old fashioned and set in stone

If he does say no, then i will be curious now of the feelings he said he had towards me.

Will keep yaz updated later .

Thank you all again.

Mics_chick

When you've moved out before how long were you gone for and how did you get back together again?

stenny_2

It was actually twice sorry, first time was only about 5 days, the last time about 8 months ago it was a tad over 3 weeks,
no contact whatsoever, but it was always me who done the running back.

jayne.doe

stenny i feel so sorry for you that is just so sad. You obviously love him so much but you cant live your life the way he wants you to. Thats not fair on you your family or your friends. If he wants you, he has to change. If you move out let him make the first contact this time, otherwise nothing will be different. I just feel terribly sad that he cant tell his family it would break my heart if my son could not tell me. Happiness is just so important. Just really wanted to say take care:(

stenny_2

It's a no go, he won't do councilling! Stubborn man!
Sticking with my original options now.

Thanx for the support and comments everyone.