Please help desperate for some advice re contact issues

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

daska wrote: »

You can ask for whatever you like, but only the court can demand. And if you break a contact order then in theory they could take you to court - except that as soon as the solicitor finds out it's been restricted because of refusing to provide contact details they'll be advised not to take it to court until that aspect has been sorted out. :rotfl:

In OP's case - there is no contact order so OP isnt breaking it. OP is being very reasonable (perhaps has been a little too much)

Amused me this weekend, My ex has told me he cant "afford " to get his solicitor to write to mine to give me the address so he can see his child .. . . . then his GF sent me a picture message to my mobile of her brand new sparkly tiffany engagement ring . . . . I wonder if DD will be invited to wedding lol

pigpen

One of my friends has had no idea of his childrens home address for 11 years.. he has a contact number and the courts said that was all he was entitled to. His ex moved to a new city and restricts contact to the point most of his newer friends don't even know about the 2 children. I don't see the point in being secretive about something this petty TBH.

Nice to know everyone elses ex is a [EMAIL="w@nk£r"]w@nk£r[/EMAIL] too... mine had a screaming rant yesterday when I caught him out on a lie.. lol.. nad told him if he can't sort the children properly at bath time I'll have them back 4 hours earlier and do them myself! Apparently it takes 'too long' to comb their hair! Idiot!

daska

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel wrote: »

In OP's case - there is no contact order so OP isnt breaking it. OP is being very reasonable (perhaps has been a little too much)

Amused me this weekend, My ex has told me he cant "afford " to get his solicitor to write to mine to give me the address so he can see his child .. . . . then his GF sent me a picture message to my mobile of her brand new sparkly tiffany engagement ring . . . . I wonder if DD will be invited to wedding lol

Sorry, I was responding to the conversation and forgetting that she had said it was discharged.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

pigpen wrote: »

One of my friends has had no idea of his childrens home address for 11 years.. he has a contact number and the courts said that was all he was entitled to. His ex moved to a new city and restricts contact to the point most of his newer friends don't even know about the 2 children. I don't see the point in being secretive about something this petty TBH.

Nice to know everyone elses ex is a w@nk£r too... mine had a screaming rant yesterday when I caught him out on a lie.. lol.. nad told him if he can't sort the children properly at bath time I'll have them back 4 hours earlier and do them myself! Apparently it takes 'too long' to comb their hair! Idiot!

He's probably tried it but ask your friend if he has tried to get a C1, Application for an order for disclosure of a child's whereabouts?

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

daska wrote: »

Sorry, I was responding to the conversation and forgetting that she had said it was discharged.

no worries

I think it depends on different circumstances. My situation is VERY similar to OP's. Ex was seeing children until he got with his GF, then he stopped. When queried the GF admitted she didnt want him seeing our DD - i think its because she now has a "dad" to her DD.
In our situation i was paying a solicitor to write to him outlining access then one weekend his GF called me and was laughing that im paying ££'s and that because they wasnt paying to see DD they were off on a jolly. Needless to say i flipped my lid, stopped my solicitor from outlining the access. Was moaning about it on here when someone pointed out i was being stupid for DD to go somewhere without me knowing, i spoke to my solicitor and she agreed and wrote the letter asking for a residence address. he hasnt bothered to reply. That was in December. Only time he gets in contact is to annoy me, or to see ho9w i am. No mention of his child. He's missed so much and the only person he is actually getting at is his own DD. I'd love for him to see her, but without knowing where she is he hasnt got a chance. Ive also offered granbdparents access and had it refused because they "stand by" their son (and ignore their only grandchild)

pigpen

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel wrote: »

He's probably tried it but ask your friend if he has tried to get a C1, Application for an order for disclosure of a child's whereabouts?

It doen't matter now they are 15 and 13 and come over on the train themselves but only on the condition they don't tell him the address. They have facebook and mobiles as well which has been fundamental in rebuilding their relationship. I don't know it or I would tell him.. his ex broke contact with me after she moved too.. her loss!

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

ah . . at least he see's them now - thats something i suppose

meritaten

I have to ask......why on earth are you trying to maintain contact with this waste of space? Do your children WANT contact? kids arent stupid and sometimes resent being used as pawns. even very young ones sense when they arent really wanted -except as weapons.
If your OH makes arrangements then dont even mention them to the kids - until he turns up!
he wont tell you where they are going - fine, they dont go!
Stop being so nice and accomodating - to my mind you are not doing your kids any favours - except showing them that 'father' can walk all over you! I dont mean to be nasty - but have seen too many kids let down by too many 'only when it suits them' fathers.

Zoetoes

He missed his son's birthday, he doesn't deserve any more chances. It won't benefit the kids to stay in contact with him because he clearly doesn't care, they are better off without him.

make_me_wise

peachyprice wrote: »

You have every right to know exactly where your children are. If there is an emergency and you need to get to them you need to know where they are, a mobile that can be switched off/ignored is not adequate.

Imagine if he decided not to bring the children home one weekend (unlikely in your case I know), how stupid would you feel if you went to the police and they asked you where he lived, all you could say is 'I don't know' they wouldn't have a clue where to start looking for them.

I completely agree with this. I've only just found out I am pregnant so have no experience of your situation. However no way on earth would I let my kid go off and not know where he/she was. Even if it was with someone I knew. Do seek legal advice but I would stand your ground on needing an address.