Please help desperate for some advice re contact issues

foxyladyx

Hi please can anyone help me.

Am I being unreasonable in asking my ex husband where our children will be staying while in his care now he has moved in with his new 3mth girlfriend?

There is a long history 5 years of contact issues where I wanted and offered as much contact as possible and ex husband wanted min contact as possible ie everyother sunday and then not keeping to that!!

Court order residance in my favour as ex refused 2007

Interim contact order discharged because of lack of conatact! which eventually led to no contact. 2007

Move on 2009 I had cancer and informed ex. He agreed to start contact which due to my illness led for him to take over their care from Feb 2010 till Sept. In mean time him and his girlfriend split up but she remains in house brought together, I was in private rent when married to him. From Sept till Jan 2011 he is great dad and sees children everyday and we get on well. His ex girlfriend moves out Dec.

Then new girlfriend in Feb and suddenly things change, no longer coming to see kids and 3 weekends in row asked me to have children as he had social commitments with her.

Then asks to change contact to alternate weekends I agree.

Then start of same old thing can't have kids this weekend got things to do but will have next. Next weekend doesn't show up, respond to texts/ calls.

Next due contact weekend on thursday get text to say can't have kids as car broke down, I have organised to go away, so say I will drop off at his new address, he refuses and texts me to say you have custody of kids you sort out! He then said he would have for next two weekends to make up. At no point has he spoken or asked to see speak to the kids.

Long and short that was 26th March. I asked him for his girlfriends address as this is now where he lives and this will be where our children will stay. He refuses to give me address. Threatend to take me to court.

Any how I go to my solicitor and we sent him a letter that week simply asking for the address and phone number for contact should an emergency occur or if I need to get hold of him. Trust me this is a last resort!! then contact could continue.

This is where I now have a problem he missed his son's birthday and has not been in contact since 26th March until 3rd May when he emailed solicitor. He refuses to give the address, wants alternate weekend contact HOWEVER if he has a social event to go to he wishes to change contact! also when he goes on holiday in summer he will have children before or after he goes.

He has asked for no other extra contact so where talking 26 weekends !!

Now the children seem to have settled very quickly into not seeing their father and hardly talk about him and reffer to him by his name??

I feel that he should organize his social life around his kids not fit them into his life. I have them all the time and if at the last minute he lets them down I have two upset children, also it mess's up my planned time. He has in the last month failed to show up for his requested contact weekends for 2 weekends.

It saddened me to realise that he has not changed and I will be simply be back to being controlled by this person. On top of things he pays nothing for his children and as he is self employed knows he can get away with it.

I have always supported contact unless advised when it wasn't in the childrens interest, when judge said and sol, but my gut feeling is if he cared he would have been in contact much earlier and the fact he wants to change contact when it suits him he is not thinking of the childrens needs, that would mean not seeing dad for 4 weeks!!

Any advice please and am I legally entitled to have an address of where the children will be staying while at his home, as he refuses to answer his mobile etc. It all seems rather sad.

Thank you x

andy.m_2

Regrettably, not everyone sees the benefit of contact with their children.
I'm not sure you can force somebody to love or even want to be with their kids.

I'm also not sure you can demand his girlfriend's address if you have a mobile number for emergency contact purposes.

You need professional advice to confirm anything I have said.

foxyladyx

Thanks that was quick!! lol

I know my solicitor says he doesn't know how lucky he is!

I'm due to meet up with them soon to discuss options but just wondered where I might stand on the address issue knowing that this is just the start of him being difficult and controlling and whether I actually am well enough to cope with it again but more importantly should I let him hurt the children again x

peachyprice

andy.m wrote: »

I'm also not sure you can demand his girlfriend's address if you have a mobile number for emergency contact purposes.

Sorry, I disagree with this completely.

You have every right to know exactly where your children are. If there is an emergency and you need to get to them you need to know where they are, a mobile that can be switched off/ignored is not adequate.

Imagine if he decided not to bring the children home one weekend (unlikely in your case I know), how stupid would you feel if you went to the police and they asked you where he lived, all you could say is 'I don't know' they wouldn't have a clue where to start looking for them.

I magine hearing about a house fire on the news where the adults and children died, you wouldn't even know if it were your children as you wouldn't have a clue where they were.

Imagine if you had an accident and they ploice/hospital needed to contact your children, but they couldn't because no-one would know where they are.

You see why you need an address?

gizmo111

peachyprice wrote: »

Sorry, I disagree with this completely.

You have every right to know exactly where your children are. If there is an emergency and you need to get to them you need to know where they are, a mobile that can be switched off/ignored is not adequate.

Imagine if he decided not to bring the children home one weekend (unlikely in your case I know), how stupid would you feel if you went to the police and they asked you where he lived, all you could say is 'I don't know' they wouldn't have a clue where to start looking for them.

I magine hearing about a house fire on the news where the adults and children died, you wouldn't even know if it were your children as you wouldn't have a clue where they were.

Imagine if you had an accident and they ploice/hospital needed to contact your children, but they couldn't because no-one would know where they are.

You see why you need an address?

There are many reasons why you may need it but you have no legal right to have it AFAIK - many people do not disclose current addresses to ex-partners.

daska

The advice my solicitor gave me in a similar situation was that DS1's father had parental responsibility and so he was fully entitled to choose where/when DS1 was when he was in his care and didn't have to provide any details BUT that if we ended up having to get the contact be reviewed by the courts, his refusal to provide his home address, girlfriends address if he regularly stayed there with DS1 etc would not be accepted.

Having said that DSD's mum was not provided with any of our addresses after DSD came to live with us because she had a track record of alcohol, drugs and violence - her solicitor refused to ask the court to force us to provide it.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

Thought i would add my 2p worth - YOU CAN ask to know where the GF lives if the children will be there for a length of time and access CAN stop because of it - Been there done it got the t-shirt

My ex no longer see's DD because he refuses to give certain info - namely, where he takes DD when he has access. I found out he once took her away without me knowing (ok, it was a holiday, DD loved it, but what if he chose not to bring her back?)

The only reason a court will not tell you where your child is, is if there is a very good reason for it.

andy.m_2

peachyprice wrote: »

Sorry, I disagree with this completely.

You have every right to know exactly where your children are. If there is an emergency and you need to get to them you need to know where they are, a mobile that can be switched off/ignored is not adequate.

Imagine if he decided not to bring the children home one weekend (unlikely in your case I know), how stupid would you feel if you went to the police and they asked you where he lived, all you could say is 'I don't know' they wouldn't have a clue where to start looking for them.

I magine hearing about a house fire on the news where the adults and children died, you wouldn't even know if it were your children as you wouldn't have a clue where they were.

Imagine if you had an accident and they ploice/hospital needed to contact your children, but they couldn't because no-one would know where they are.

You see why you need an address?

I can see why you'd want it, but as I understood you have no rights to have it, sorry.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

foxyladyx wrote: »

Hi please can anyone help me.

Am I being unreasonable in asking my ex husband where our children will be staying while in his care now he has moved in with his new 3mth girlfriend?

There is a long history 5 years of contact issues where I wanted and offered as much contact as possible and ex husband wanted min contact as possible ie everyother sunday and then not keeping to that!!

Court order residance in my favour as ex refused 2007

Interim contact order discharged because of lack of conatact! which eventually led to no contact. 2007

Move on 2009 I had cancer and informed ex. He agreed to start contact which due to my illness led for him to take over their care from Feb 2010 till Sept. In mean time him and his girlfriend split up but she remains in house brought together, I was in private rent when married to him. From Sept till Jan 2011 he is great dad and sees children everyday and we get on well. His ex girlfriend moves out Dec.

Then new girlfriend in Feb and suddenly things change, no longer coming to see kids and 3 weekends in row asked me to have children as he had social commitments with her.

Then asks to change contact to alternate weekends I agree.

Then start of same old thing can't have kids this weekend got things to do but will have next. Next weekend doesn't show up, respond to texts/ calls.

Next due contact weekend on thursday get text to say can't have kids as car broke down, I have organised to go away, so say I will drop off at his new address, he refuses and texts me to say you have custody of kids you sort out! He then said he would have for next two weekends to make up. At no point has he spoken or asked to see speak to the kids.

Long and short that was 26th March. I asked him for his girlfriends address as this is now where he lives and this will be where our children will stay. He refuses to give me address. Threatend to take me to court.

Any how I go to my solicitor and we sent him a letter that week simply asking for the address and phone number for contact should an emergency occur or if I need to get hold of him. Trust me this is a last resort!! then contact could continue.

This is where I now have a problem he missed his son's birthday and has not been in contact since 26th March until 3rd May when he emailed solicitor. He refuses to give the address, wants alternate weekend contact HOWEVER if he has a social event to go to he wishes to change contact! also when he goes on holiday in summer he will have children before or after he goes.

He has asked for no other extra contact so where talking 26 weekends !!

Now the children seem to have settled very quickly into not seeing their father and hardly talk about him and reffer to him by his name??

I feel that he should organize his social life around his kids not fit them into his life. I have them all the time and if at the last minute he lets them down I have two upset children, also it mess's up my planned time. He has in the last month failed to show up for his requested contact weekends for 2 weekends.

It saddened me to realise that he has not changed and I will be simply be back to being controlled by this person. On top of things he pays nothing for his children and as he is self employed knows he can get away with it.

I have always supported contact unless advised when it wasn't in the childrens interest, when judge said and sol, but my gut feeling is if he cared he would have been in contact much earlier and the fact he wants to change contact when it suits him he is not thinking of the childrens needs, that would mean not seeing dad for 4 weeks!!

Any advice please and am I legally entitled to have an address of where the children will be staying while at his home, as he refuses to answer his mobile etc. It all seems rather sad.

Thank you x

The highlighted section of your post - My DD does this, she's 3. I have never ever referred to her dad by his first name, always say "dad" but she said to me one day "well, he doesnt act like my daddy so im not going to call it him!" even if she does call him by his first name i always reply "well, your dad...." and never call him infront of her, but she still refuses to say dad! (and he still believes it was my doing!)

This came about after lots of let downs and stand off's. Ex actually shouted at me in front of DD which didnt do him any favours.

daska

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel wrote: »

Thought i would add my 2p worth - YOU CAN ask to know where the GF lives if the children will be there for a length of time and access CAN stop because of it - Been there done it got the t-shirt

My ex no longer see's DD because he refuses to give certain info - namely, where he takes DD when he has access. I found out he once took her away without me knowing (ok, it was a holiday, DD loved it, but what if he chose not to bring her back?)

The only reason a court will not tell you where your child is, is if there is a very good reason for it.

You can ask for whatever you like, but only the court can demand. And if you break a contact order then in theory they could take you to court - except that as soon as the solicitor finds out it's been restricted because of refusing to provide contact details they'll be advised not to take it to court until that aspect has been sorted out. :rotfl:

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

andy.m wrote: »

I can see why you'd want it, but as I understood you have no rights to have it, sorry.

Yes - legally the OP needs to know where her child is. Ok, so not every little details of every little trip but if the children spend a lot of time at this house then OP has the legal right to request it, and refuse access if they dont provide it.