Advise please, property for Son.

BitterAndTwisted

If family-relationships are so strained I would suggest that you make a modest sum available to him (something like £1k) so that he can put that towards his first month's rent and deposit on a flat or house-share. That way, you don't put your funds at risk, you don't acquire any debt and he has no excuse not to go off and stand on his own two feet for the first time.

pmlindyloo

Oh how I feel for you having been in the same position as yourselves. Not easy, is it? Home being treated as a hotel, coming in late blah blah....

I think you might be feeling desperate and just finding ways to 'get rid' (not meant to sound quite that bad!!)

My personal feeling is that after spending time at uni our sons and daughters are just not 'ready' for the real world.

I hope that you are asking for a reasonable amount for his 'keep'. Nothing like it to make them realise how much it costs to run a home. Some how they believe that as their parents you shouldn't 'charge them' - boy do I remember the arguments!

I really think that a house share with like minded young people is the way to go. Getting a mortgage can be left to later (then you may want to 'help out' with a deposit).

Becoming a landlord is fraught with all kinds of problems (as already mentioned) and for your son is the easy way out - only my opinion of course.

Both of mine are doing the house share thing and both have set up a regular savings account for a deposit for a house. Then we will 'help out' if we can.

Of course help out with a deposit/first months rent etc if you need to.

Plenty of time to become a house owner and have a mortgage round your neck - now's the time for living a little .

Annisele

I think the problem is more "DH is dead set against him paying rent to some stranger" than it is anything else.

Why shouldn't your son pay rent to a stranger? It never occurred to me to go and live with my parents after I graduated (because they live in the middle of a jobs desert), but I couldn't afford to rent anything that I would now consider half decent, so I rented a tiny poky little place in a dodgy area. My parents lent me £1k for the deposit/various moving costs - which helped immensely and I was very grateful for.

nearlyrich

If the OP's son wants to rent they should let him get on with it maybe his dad having opinions about what he should do is one of the reasons life is not a bed of roses all round. He has been living independently for 4 years it's not easy moving back to parents for him either.

My son is paying a lot of rent to a stranger, I hate the idea but it's his life and he wanted to move to London, my daughter has just bought a house and I gave her a sum of money to use as either deposit or towards the renovations required. When DS is in the same position he will get a similar sum I wouldn't get into BTL scenario.

It's nice to help your children but not to the detriment of your own finacial security in my opinion.

Sues48

Thanks for all the opinions/advice, seems the general consensus is don't do it! The comment about not paying rent to a stranger I think stems from our experience of the grotty properties DS rented as a student for not insignificant amounts of money, DH's exact words were that "he didn't want him lining the pockets of some low life landlord", apologies if this offends any landlords, I do realise that there must be some decent ones out there. At no point were we ever considering giving the money to DS for a deposit, we just saw it as a possible way to enable him to move out of the family home and as an investment for us.

I do appreciate that after 4 years away from home it's difficult for DS and I have tried to take this into account but I'm sick and tired of the complete lack of respect for me and the home we've worked so hard to pay for.

I will happily give him the money for a deposit and the first month's rent if he can find anything suitable to rent that he can afford. A house share isn't really an option at the moment as non of his friends are in a position to afford rent and as he's only been in this job a month he's not really had time to form any friendshps at work.

franklee

Sues48 wrote: »

DH is dead against him paying rent to some stranger
...
I wondered if it would be better to lend DS the money for the deposit and let him take out his own mortgage

What seems to be missing from your posts is what DS actually wants to do ...

pmlindyloo wrote: »

Both of mine are doing the house share thing

That seems a great idea for after Uni to me and I'm sure many of us look back on house share days as some of the most fun, I know I do.

tyllwyd wrote: »

Have you thought about what would happen if the house gained/lost value?

Good point, particularly if they go down, whose debt will it be? What if DS meets a girl and wants to move in with her?

franklee

Sues48 wrote: »

A house share isn't really an option at the moment as non of his friends are in a position to afford rent and as he's only been in this job a month he's not really had time to form any friendshps at work.

Whatever happened to answering flat mate wanted ads? It sounds like you're mollycoddling

Sues48

franklee wrote: »

What seems to be missing from your posts is what DS actually wants to do ...


I think DS would be quite happy carrying on living here for £50.00pw everything included, as would I if he would be prepared to buck his ideas up instead of living like a complete slob.

Sues48

franklee wrote: »

Whatever happened to answering flat mate wanted ads? It sounds like you're mollycoddling

There is one slight problem with this, every advert I've looked at for houseshares stipulate that the applicant must be clean and tidy and that's what the majority of our arguements are about his refusal to do anything around the house and the disgusting state of his bedroom and his, at times lack of personal hygene. I think you mentioned the possibility of him meeting a girl and moving in with her, at the moment no girl would touch him with a bargepole.

nearlyrich

Sues48 wrote: »

I'm sick and tired of the complete lack of respect for me and the home we've worked so hard to pay for.

I don't think you should have to put up with an adult child disrespecting your home or you as a parent. It's not easy but pick your battles and stick out for the things you think are worth fighting for. My DD is 23 just about to move out but she respects the "house rules" as did DS when he lived here between uni and house shares.

If he doesn't he is big enough to go and do his own thing at his owm expense.