Pre nup?

lostinrates

I wouldn't move in if I were going to feel in anyway compromised about it. I would explain why and offer a pre nup/living together contract. DH and I had a contract when living together, as I'd been stung before.

They are increasingly recognised by courts, but most importantly they get the couple thinking over possibe future outcomes and possibilities and how important the relationship is and the financial implcations of living together/marrying. Nothing is risk free. but doing this, IMO, can MINIMISE the risk, not just prepare for them

RuthnJasper

Tropez wrote: »

As said above, pre nups are not legally enforceable in the UK as the courts have jurisdiction over divorce. A contract can be drawn up between unmarried couples that is similar to a pre nup and is enforceable but ceases to be so should they marry. However, such contracts really only ever cover minor things, such as money invested in property and that sort of thing.

There was a case a couple of years ago where a German woman with assets of £100m won a court case which overturned a previous court decision to award her ex 5.8m. Her argument was based on a pre nup that was signed in Germany before they married in London. Pre nups are legally binding in Germany. She still had to pay 1m out in lieu of maintenance I believe.

As a male, I think pre nups are a sign that a marriage is not based on trust.

I agree with Tropez. I know that one hears horror-stories, but they are in the minority. If anyone asked me (a young lady) to sign a pre-nup I would feel hurt. To me, it's like putting a price on what my companionship and love is worth (and NO-ONE can put a value on quality like that...)!

Whilst still being a feisty young 'un, I still feel quite strongly in the seriousness of the wedding vows (whether religious OR civil). THAT is your "pre-nup" - swearing before a legal representive that you promise to love, to honour and to cherish - until parted by death.

OF COURSE - this would be rendered null if one of the pair was violent or abusive - but that, of course, is provided for under the "love and honour" bit...

R xx

rubytwoshoes_2

mountainofdebt wrote: »

So that as the pre-nup would be protecting your OH (in this instance) are you saying that you couldn't trust yourself to act honourably?

MOD - I think you have missed my point! Anyone can say they will act 'honourably', as you put it, and indeed believe wholeheartedly that they would. However, when the chips are down, and you are wounded by the way a relationship has turned out - all bets are off. A suggestion of pre nup on my part would suggest that I have no interest in his money, and that I think we will go the distance.

The way I see it, the contract of a pre nup is no different to that of a marriage certificate. Both require signatures and witnesses the only difference is that a pre nup can be legally binding. In a society where 2,3 or even 4 marriages is not uncommon, it is clear that a marriage certificate holds far less weight than it was designed to. I only intend to marry once, so I am happy to sign anything which supports that idea.

RuthnJasper

Oh yes, Rubytwoshoes, I forgot to add that you shouldn't feel pressured into caving-into or to agreeing to an arrangement you're not 100% happy with, in terms of live-in relationships or a marriage.

If you feel you've let yourself down in terms of self-respect, how could you trust any proffered respect from others?

RubyTS - you sound like a REALLY lovely person and a wonderful catch for any right-thinking man. Your boyfriend is probably intelligent enough to realise this.

And just because a few of your man's mates have been let-down by avaricious scrubbers doesn't mean that he automatically assumes that you are from the same mould as them.

Why don't you go for for a nice meal or to the local pub for a few jolly bevvies and have a good heart-to-heart? Lay it out and see what he says. I think your opinions and views will show you up as the open, honest, well-meaning person that you are - and that might say FAR more than any grand gesture of declaration against pre-nups might do. Even amongst the emotionally-damaged, prejudiced or financially eligible people, there continue to dwell those with basic, sincere, moral decency.

Good luck to you. And to your relationship. I hope that you and your man have a very long and happy future together. xx

Sparkle21

Hi RubyTwoShoes,

I think there's no harm in discussing a pre-nup with your partner - not to enter into anything but just to discuss both your expectations of marriage and the future. Many people have different views on pre-nups (personally I'm for them - protect what you have made previously and whatever is made during the marriage is shared) but if you are considering being together for life then you should be able discuss everything and IMHO it should start with this!

I hope you manage to resolve this and have a fantastic life together!

Kate78

This is an interesting question.

OH and I discussed it in passing, not really seriously and it transpired that we both had the attitude that we were getting married because we wanted to be together and that meant sharing our "stuff".

Having said that, before that conversation, I did give it some serious thought, like you are doing.

Yes, things can and do go wrong in marriages, but we are adults (30s, first marriage for both, don't live together yet) and are getting into this with eyes wide open. We trust each other, if we didn't we wouldn't be doing this.

We are not rich people, but we both own our own properties (with mortgage), and I have quite a lot of equity in my house.

Hope this is useful, RubyTwoShoes

Soubrette

mountainofdebt wrote: »

Is a pre-nup the only way a human can ensure they act honourably these days ?

By that I mean what is stopping the OP getting married without a pre-nup and if the marriage was to go belly up, then what's stopping the OP only asking for what she considers to be a fair division of the assets that were acquired during the relationship?

What's fair in one person's perception is not necessarily what's fair to the other partner.

Pre-nups like wills, give stability. You know what kind of person your partner is and can plan a life together accordingly.

For example if you have a partner who is unwilling to share their money equally, you might like to consider whether giving up work to have children is a good idea. Some people never consider their partner's financial attitude to money and are shocked and hurt that when they have children, their partner doles out a little housekeeping to them but keeps the majority themselves.

None of us are perfect but attitudes to money can make or break a relationship particularly when you just assume the other guy has the same attitudes that you do.