Pre nup?

clearingout

As someone who's divorced and who went through hell in a way she never, ever expected to (the man I married is still there physically but that's all I recognise in him these days), I now have an awful lot to lose. I own my own home (not by screwing the ex over, but as a result of my family pitching in to make sure the children and I were OK) and there is no way on earth that I would enter another marriage without doing everything I could to protect that.

If you're marrying someone twice divorced, you're getting someone very cynical. You're also getting someone who has issues, frankly, and I would take great care to make sure that you're not another statistic. 2 failed marriages suggests real problems - take care of yourself and do what you have to do to keep sane. It sounds mad, but anyone who's been there will tell you I make a lot of sense! Good luck - I'm cynical, I admit, but I do believe in love and that it can all work out.

pinkclouds

I'm female and I would never sign or suggest a pre-nup. In my opinion, it is an open admission to failure. If anyone close asked me for advice, I'd suggest - if they really must go ahead with a pre-nup - to include penalty clauses for infidelity (on either side). I really think that marriage should not be lightly undertaken and that there should be real and genuine disincentives to divorce. I think a pre-nup takes that element away and makes it easier to "walk" as the divorce details have kinda been decided in advance. Now, I'm not saying that you should never divorce (and there are several circumstances where you should) but if your marriage was in such bad shape that you had no other option then I don't believe you would care how much it cost you financially.

Olokia

Mojisola wrote: »

Getting married and then being paid for each child!

I'm not saying to get paid to have children if thats what you mean! Editing my original post because the idea of getting paid to have children is just wrong and I don't want people to think I meant that!

I meant to pay a small amount to their trust fund if we split up.

mountainofdebt

Is a pre-nup the only way a human can ensure they act honourably these days ?

By that I mean what is stopping the OP getting married without a pre-nup and if the marriage was to go belly up, then what's stopping the OP only asking for what she considers to be a fair division of the assets that were acquired during the relationship?

rubytwoshoes_2

Tropez - what you say makes a lot of sense. It also makes me realise that the issue I have is probably not so much with what he has, but what I don't have. I used to live and work in New York, where I made good money, and lived a fairly plush life. I have now moved back to the UK, in a very rural area where I grew up, and my family still live. I now earn a lot less, and though I have no debts at all, I feel I don't have the assets I should have by now either. Eg. my own house etc.

I don't want for much, I choose to work less and live low cost. That way I can enjoy time spent with family, friends and organisations I am involved with. Being involved with this man, and seriously considering a future with him has made me very aware of what I don't have, and I have created an issue that probably in all reality isn't there.

Thanks again for the input - you've turned on a light : )

rubytwoshoes_2

clearingout wrote: »

If you're marrying someone twice divorced, you're getting someone very cynical. You're also getting someone who has issues, frankly, and I would take great care to make sure that you're not another statistic. 2 failed marriages suggests real problems - take care of yourself and do what you have to do to keep sane.

Sorry if I didn't make myself clear - but neither me or my partner have ever been married.

rubytwoshoes_2

mountainofdebt wrote: »

Is a pre-nup the only way a human can ensure they act honourably these days ?

By that I mean what is stopping the OP getting married without a pre-nup and if the marriage was to go belly up, then what's stopping the OP only asking for what she considers to be a fair division of the assets that were acquired during the relationship?

That would be a wonderful world...... but experience means it's an unrealistic expectation I feel.

scooby088

Pre nups are for only the rich..where you can usually avoid getting screwed over by the wife or husband. For me i have nothing to give financially so you can't get anything out of me. But in my experience anyone can say they arent interested are liars.

mountainofdebt

rubytwoshoes wrote: »

That would be a wonderful world...... but experience means it's an unrealistic expectation I feel.

So that as the pre-nup would be protecting your OH (in this instance) are you saying that you couldn't trust yourself to act honourably?

Jinx

I think everyone believes they would act honourably in the event of a relationship split or divorce but we all know people who have had the divorce from hell. Sometimes people forget themselves when they are hurt/angry....

I guess you could say hubby and I had a pre-nup; we had a financial agreement when we bought a house together. It just said if we split we'd both revert to our original position moneywise. Having both been in relationships before we had frank discussions about finances, wills and providing for my daughter. 4 years later we're married and all bets are off