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Pre nup?

I have been going out with my boyfriend now for 10 months. He has asked if I would live with him next year in this house he is renovating. I am really old fashioned, and wouldn't want to live with someone until I'm either married - or at the very least have a ring on my finger!

He is partner in a very successful family business..... and I'm not! He has mentioned several of his friends that have been screwed over financially by ex wives. He will be 40 this year, and has never been married. I am 34 this year, and have thus far resisted moving in with boy friends, and don't want to cave now.

I am very romantic - and hope that if we ever do tie the knot, it will be forever! But, at the same time, he has much at stake, and I understand that he might be nervous about a commitment. Should I mention that I would sign a pre nup? or wait till he brings something up?

Advice - and perhaps a male perspective much appreciated!

Thanks

Ruby

Should I offer a pre nup to my boy friend? 30 votes

Yes
26% 8 votes
No
66% 20 votes
Yes - But let him suggest it.
6% 2 votes
«13

Comments

  • neneromanova
    neneromanova Posts: 3,051 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture Photogenic Combo Breaker
    Pre nups mean nothing here in England. Just tell him that you love him and you're not that type of woman to screw him over :)
    What's yours is mine and what's mine is mine..
  • Tropez
    Tropez Posts: 3,696 Forumite
    As said above, pre nups are not legally enforceable in the UK as the courts have jurisdiction over divorce. A contract can be drawn up between unmarried couples that is similar to a pre nup and is enforceable but ceases to be so should they marry. However, such contracts really only ever cover minor things, such as money invested in property and that sort of thing.

    There was a case a couple of years ago where a German woman with assets of £100m won a court case which overturned a previous court decision to award her ex 5.8m. Her argument was based on a pre nup that was signed in Germany before they married in London. Pre nups are legally binding in Germany. She still had to pay 1m out in lieu of maintenance I believe.

    As a male, I think pre nups are a sign that a marriage is not based on trust.
  • Plans_all_plans
    Plans_all_plans Posts: 1,630 Forumite
    There was this case http://www.guardian.co.uk/money/2010/oct/20/prenuptial-agreement-enforced-uk-law where a pre-nup was enforced in the UK, although the circs were different I think.

    The problem I have with pre-nups OP is that I truly do believe in the sanctity of marriage and the whole idea behind a pre-nup goes against everything I believe in. I'd never sign one, or even bring it up if I were you OP.

    Aside from this, YOU might never screw him over, but if he's got you to sign a pre-nup, there's nowt to stop him screwing you over! Say you give up your career to raise children and provide for the family 'behind the scenes', then he beats you/has a string of affairs etc and you want to divorce...you leave your marriage with nothing. In such a situation you would be entitled IMO to some of the financial assets you've helped him to build.
  • Olokia
    Olokia Posts: 905 Forumite
    Tenth Anniversary 500 Posts Combo Breaker
    edited 6 May 2011 at 8:23PM
    They are having more and more recognition now

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/royal-wedding/8485727/Royal-wedding-loving-Prince-William-rejects-prenuptial-agreement.html

    Quote from half way down:
    With the Supreme Court having recognised the validity of such contracts, a debate had begun in legal circles as to whether it would have been prudent for the royal couple to have taken advantage, just in case.
    Prenuptial agreements have been popular with Hollywood stars for many years, but were never part of British law. However, all that changed last October when judges used a test case involving Katrin Radmacher, a German heiress, to rewrite marriage law in Britain.

    I am doing one with my fiance as he has a lot more money than I have. I don't mind signing one because if we split, I don't want his money. Although I will be putting an amount he will have to give me per child we have together towards their trust fund (if we split up) and I will not have to leave the house (he owns it) until I have found somewhere to live
  • rubytwoshoes_2
    rubytwoshoes_2 Posts: 12 Forumite
    edited 6 May 2011 at 7:06PM
    Plans-all-plans - I hear you! I too believe in the sanctity of marriage, and the the whole idea of pre nup goes so heavily against my romantic side. However, I am really conscious about the difference in our earnings, and I guess I just want to prove that I love him, not his money.

    And if he screws me over, I'll save every penny I do earn to have him knee capped : D

    Thanks for the angle.
  • Plans_all_plans
    Plans_all_plans Posts: 1,630 Forumite
    Has he spoken to you about marriage, as opposed to just living together?

    Is he aware of your views on living together before marriage?

    Personally I agree with you about living together and I refused to buy a house with my husband until we were 1 month off the wedding date. My reasoning was what's the incentive to marry if they've got you doing everything a wife does, but without the commitment!

    If he's not mentioned marriage/unaware of your views on this, I think you are jumping the gun thinking of pre-nups.
  • Thanks Tropez, before I met this man I felt exactly the same. But it's easy for me to trust him with my wealth, as I have little. He however would be trusting me with not only his wealth, but that of his families. As much of a romantic I am - I'm not sure I could do that easily??

    I just want him to know that the money means nothing.
  • Yes we've spoken about marriage, and the fact that we hope to get there in the future. And I've told him that I would not live together until that time. I said it's because I'm old fashioned........ but in truth it's exactly as you said. I'm not playing the housewife without the commitment!
  • Tropez
    Tropez Posts: 3,696 Forumite
    Thanks Tropez, before I met this man I felt exactly the same. But it's easy for me to trust him with my wealth, as I have little. He however would be trusting me with not only his wealth, but that of his families. As much of a romantic I am - I'm not sure I could do that easily??

    I just want him to know that the money means nothing.

    If he loves you, he'll know that though.

    Our situations aren't entirely the same. My partner has made it very clear she does not wish to get married, at least not in the forseeable future. She had a tough time of it as a kid and got stuck in the middle of an extremely bitter divorce and it clearly affected her opinion of marriage. Several friends marriages breaking up later and I don't think she'll ever put that to bed.

    But taking that out of the equation, at present I currently earn considerably more than her and have quite a bit of money in savings as well as holding other small investments. She isn't skint by any stretch, and runs her own business, but the recession did give her a hit and there have been times when she's struggled a little but if she turned round tomorrow and told me she wanted to marry me, I would, and I wouldn't even care about the difference in our finances because I'd just figure screw it... money is just money, I can't take it with me, and if I lost half of it in a divorce court twenty years from now I wouldn't be heading to the poor house... but more importantly, I love her, and I think we click enough that we can make it last.

    A few pieces of paper and some digits that are largely intangible matter so little on the scale of things.

    And who knows what the future holds anyway - I could lose all my money in theory and maybe she will be the wealthier one of us... it wouldn't matter.

    I know she's not with me for whatever money I've got and I'd give up everything I've got for her in a second anyway.
  • Mojisola
    Mojisola Posts: 35,571 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper
    Olokia wrote: »
    I am doing one with my fiance as he has a lot more money than I have. I don't mind signing one because if we split, I don't want his money. Although I will be putting an amount he will have to give me per child we have together and I will not have to leave the house (he owns it) until I have found somewhere to live

    Getting married and then being paid for each child!
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