Partner's stolen from children

pinkpig08

Was it the sort of account where you don't get statements? I get quarterly/yearly (can't remember which!) statements for both my childrens accounts.

aliasojo

quandry1 wrote: »

But using this account has covered up the fact that he has not reliably provided for his family.

This comment stood out for me. Is it possible your husband simply couldn't cope with what outgoings were expected and used the children's money on the children in order to keep things going?

Did he feel under constant pressure to 'provide'?

Is he a selfish, inconsiderate man or a pressured, not coping man?

You need facts before you think any more about this otherwise you could be basing your thoughts on false assumption.

Talk to him. Angry or not, you and he must talk. Try to reign in your natural urge to be accusatory until you find out where the money has gone and why. Only then can you form a proper opinion.

nzmegs

You need to insist that the account has a double signature on it so that he can't remove any more money without you both agreeing. How awful for you to think you had provided for your children's futures only to now realise they have nothing.

In the meantime you need to have this out with him. if he really is an angry man then try sending an email and ask him to send one back. It is a bit sad when people can't talk face to face but at least it allows you both to get your point across.

If you have considered leavin him - why wait? Kids who grow up in unhappy households are worse off than those who grow up in single parent houses.

xangeleyes

Wow, I don't know what to advise.
I mean, I too would be very angry if this money had been taken out of the account, but it's been so many years and you've never checked it?
I don't mean to check it to see if any has gone, but wouldn't you have wanted to check it just so you can see how much you've saved up so far? It's got to be at least 16 years of savings hasn't it? If you've saved since the day they were born.

If he's instantly gone off on one when you just mentioned that there wasn't the correct amount in, then I would say that he is guilty. Only someone guilty would start being nasty and aggressive once being found out.

Find out somehow WHAT it has gone on. Like another poster has said, if it has gone on private schooling fees (to which I would have got the council to pay for as they're supposed to put your child in a school!), then it's understandable, although should have been discussed with you of course.

Good Luck!

Post back, you've kind of disappeared lol.

marvic31

I would also call his bluff and tell him you are going to the bank to check all transactions. Time will tell if he is a theif and a liar

jetta_wales

I'd be sending his !!!! packing till he can explain himself (IF he can explain himself). Good grief!

daska

Is it absolutely impossible that anyone else could known the details of the a/c and known enough about you to pass security? Have you always shredded every scrap of paperwork etc.

Personally, from what you've said, I think it sounds as if he did withdraw the money but that it was used for the benefit of the family.

I think you have to ask him very calmly and non-judgementally whether he can come up with any idea what could have happened to the money if neither of you withdrew it (cry if necessary). And if he says it wasn't him the pair of you have to discuss what you are going to do about the theft. You're down £11K so the only logical way forward would be to report the theft to the bank and to the police; if he won't agree to report it he must have very good reason to do so.

But you do need to give him another chance to 'fess up, because things won't get any better between you if you go in all guns blazing.

jetta_wales

I love "(cry is necessary)" lol

the_cat

First and foremost, I'm not sure I would want to stay with him after finding out something like that! Not because of the money itself, but the level of deceit! And to steal from his children, what a lowlife

How much exactly is missing? 2 accounts at £50 per month until the age of 18 (uni age so I'm guessing a bit here) is a heck of a lot more than stated...... you have paid in around £21,500 plus whatever other money went in and there is only £1000 left overall?
Mostly spent in the last 5 years?
Job number one is to work out what is left (see proof of the mystery premium bonds) and where the money has gone. Is it reasonable that it all went on the family/private education?

From his defensive and angry reaction it sounds like he has more to hide than has been uncovered so far. Unpleasant as it will be, you are going to have to bite the bullet and have it out with him properly. If after that, he is begging forgiveness then you can decide on whether you can stay with him............. not for the kids, but FOR YOU


ETA...... if he's done this, what else might he have done. Time to go through every account with a fine toothcomb, get credit checks done to see what loans etc you don't know about etc. Stealing from your kids is not the first thing people do usually when they are wanting money

jetta_wales

This wouldn't be the first time somebody's done something like this through a gambling problem for example. Quite plausible unfortunately.