Partner's stolen from children

quandry1

I've been saving most of my child benefit for both my children since they were born; £50 a month each. The idea was that it would help with their university fees. Their father was a signatory on the accounts, like me. As he worked from home it seemed easier if he managed the accounts. Now my children are older, and do need the money for uni, I have gone back and reviewed their accounts, only to find that there is only £600 in one account, £400 in another. By my rough calculations, there should be at least £12,500 in them - probably more, what with gradnparents' presents and so on.

I am stunned, shocked, everything. In fact, I feel sick. He did tell me recently that he was going to remove £2,000 from each to buy Premium Bonds. But I had no idea that he had, over the years, taken 1000s from them. Now, we've had very tight times, and I appreciate the fact that he is a good father - it's not as if he's spent it on himself. We were forced to send one kid to private school, because the local council didn't have any school places. That's nearly killed us, financially.
But using this account has covered up the fact that he has not reliably provided for his family. I worked full time until 2006, when I lost my job. He worked fitfully on books - not a profitable profession. When we had our first child, he had a regular job, which he quit without telling me, when I was eight months pregnant. I was the one who had to go back to work. Nowadays my earnings are much lower and erratic - but I notice he had taken some of this money even before 2006, when we really had enough money, through my job. I mentioned the fact that the kids' accounts didn't seem to have much in them to him the other day, and he got angry. No accusations were made by me - but he said 'oh, everyone always goes on about how I must have spent the kids' money, but it simply isn't true...' But it is! ! I’ve gone through the pass books in detail. I certainly didn't take the money...and the children didn't have access to the pass books. I just don't know how to act. He is a very angry man when tackled on major subjects such as this. I feel we've quarrelled enough about money, especially through this recession, that it could be curtains for us and our marriage if I tackle him on this. I might have left a long time ago, if it wasn't for the kids. I don't want to do that to them now, especially as I now have no financial resources myself: he insisted on selling our house (bought with mostly my money as a deposit), when we went through one of our many bad financial patches, when I was trying to stay at home with my second child. (Needless to say, I had to go back to work after two years). Now we rent. Is there anyone out there who has any advice for me? Help?

kazwookie

He is a very angry man when tackled on major subjects such as this. I feel we've quarrelled enough about money, especially through this recession, that it could be curtains for us and our marriage if I tackle him on this. I might have left a long time ago, if it wasn't for the kids. I don't want to do that to them now, especially as I now have no financial resources myself: he insisted on selling our house (bought with mostly my money as a deposit), when we went through one of our many bad financial patches, when I was trying to stay at home with my second child. (Needless to say, I had to go back to work after two years). Now we rent. Is there anyone out there who has any advice for me? Help?

He is a very angry man as he knows he has been caught, so he gets cross to put you on the back foot and gets you to back down /leave the subject alone.

The bank will have a signature on the withdrawl slips as well.

I would suggest to ask again, if he does not come up with an answer, state you are off to the police to report a theft, and to report it to the Children's bank / building society as well.

I would also ask to SEE the premium bonds as well.

puddy

what a horrible situation, how does he explain the absence of thousands. what does he mean by 'everyone keeps saying i must have taken it'? has this subject come up before then?

andy.m_2

Sounds terrible and I really feel for you.

I am astonished that your local council could not offer you a single place at school for your child, that is truly disgraceful!

andy.m_2

Also you say he is a good father, but he has stolen money from his children, been aggressive and not really done too much to provide.
You also say that you may well have left ages ago.

Consider it again, there are money saving tips all over this site that can help people without a brass razoo to survive day to day.
Your children WILL understand.

peachyprice

kazwookie wrote: »

I would suggest to ask again, if he does not come up with an answer, state you are off to the police to report a theft, and to report it to the Children's bank / building society as well.

The police or the bank won't do anything because he is a signatory on the account and is legally perfectly entitled to withdraw from the account, although morally he's an absolute !!!!!!.

puddy

i dont think that was the point of saying she would report it, i think its to use logic to get a confession from him. he is saying that he didnt take it. she didnt take it therefore there must have been some fraudulent theft from the account.

shellsuit

If he says he hasn't took the money, who the hell does he think has?!

What a disgusting thing to do ~ crikey, I fret if I borrow a tenner from my children's money! It always gets put back though.

I'd leave it to him to explain to the children that he has withdrew and squandered their money.

What a pig!

Plans_all_plans

While I feel he was wrong to withdraw a penny without consulting you, I feel that my opinon on this situation as a whole would depend entirely on what he spent the money on.

You might have wanted it to go on uni fees, but if he's spent it on the private school fees, then I feel this would be somewhat easier to understand than if he's squandered it on wine and women! If he's spent it on the kids and their upbringing, then YES, you should have been consulted, but no I wouldn't leave him over it - if this is the only concern in your marriage. Only you know whether it was realistic for you both to pay private school fees without dipping into the savings.

You need to get to the bottom of what he spent it on IMO by talking to him.

themull1

I thought that the council had to provide a school? there's no way i would be paying for a private school.!"! and i wouldn't stay with my partner if he had stolen money, why are you still with him?

themull1

Oh, and go back to the bank and get a copy of the persons signature that withdrew the money.