Is my bridesmaid out of order???

Noctu

Thanks everyone, your advice has genuinely helped! I've just sent her a message saying that I'm happy for her to have any style of her choosing that the hairdresser can do within the 30 minute time frame - however if she's adamant that she must have this curly hairstyle then she will need to find another stylist as there's simply no time for my hairdresser to do it.
I've also suggested that she can do her own hair even though this will mean that she'd definitely be different to the other bridesmaids.
So I'm waiting for the hairdresser to get back to me with other possibilities of 30 minute hairstyles, and asked my cousin also to get back to me to whether or not she is open for another 30 min hairstyle or if she is insisting on curly, in which case she'll need to find another mobile hairdresser OR do it herself on the day.
Sigh.......... not what I wanted but I am literally at the end of my tether and it would be a waste if I sacked her (dress already bought and altered, silk flowers bought, tiara bought, etc etc) - being realistic unfortunately it would mean half my family falling out no matter how I framed it (e.g. she dropped out rather than I sacked her due to artistic differences, lol).

D'you reckon this sounds fair?

bratz81

I can sort of see both sides here. It's your day, and you're presumably spending a lot of money on it and want things to look perfect. I assume as well as paying for her dress you're paying for her hair, tiara etc? Then you also pay a lot for the photos and want them as perfect as possible.

I can also see her point a little in that you'd hate to spend all day in a hairstyle you hate and feel self-conscious in.
However...it's your day and you are paying. You should therefore have the last word.

I was bridesmaid for my cousin a few years back (5 or 6) and we were TOLD what we were wearing, what shoes, hair, makeup etc. She even made us buy a certain shade of eyeshadow and lipstick to wear. Which did not suit me but I did it was it was her day. Now, I think my cousin was a complete bridezilla and would never dream of doing that to someone!

I'm getting married next year and have h2b's 14yr old sister as BM. I let her try on several styles of dresses, to see what she liked but in the end I picked it, as she seemed to like and suit them all! I'm also paying for her hair and makeup to be done on the day, and I'm planning on letting her pick her hairstyle from several pictures I like the look of. So she gets some choice but it still fits in with what I want for the wedding.

Now, your 15yr old BM is spoilt from what you've said...but can she not see that the hairdresser only has 30mins to do a hairstyle and that can only fit in a limited do?? I certainly would be ok with that if I was a BM. Obviously you've a finite amount of time to get ready and 4 BMs. Can you not maybe sit down with her and explain calmly and like she's an adult that you have only 30mins for her, and maybe try to compromise what she can have/do within that time?

Noctu

bratz81 wrote: »

I can sort of see both sides here. It's your day, and you're presumably spending a lot of money on it and want things to look perfect. I assume as well as paying for her dress you're paying for her hair, tiara etc? Then you also pay a lot for the photos and want them as perfect as possible.

I can also see her point a little in that you'd hate to spend all day in a hairstyle you hate and feel self-conscious in.
However...it's your day and you are paying. You should therefore have the last word.

I was bridesmaid for my cousin a few years back (5 or 6) and we were TOLD what we were wearing, what shoes, hair, makeup etc. She even made us buy a certain shade of eyeshadow and lipstick to wear. Which did not suit me but I did it was it was her day. Now, I think my cousin was a complete bridezilla and would never dream of doing that to someone!

I'm getting married next year and have h2b's 14yr old sister as BM. I let her try on several styles of dresses, to see what she liked but in the end I picked it, as she seemed to like and suit them all! I'm also paying for her hair and makeup to be done on the day, and I'm planning on letting her pick her hairstyle from several pictures I like the look of. So she gets some choice but it still fits in with what I want for the wedding.

Now, your 15yr old BM is spoilt from what you've said...but can she not see that the hairdresser only has 30mins to do a hairstyle and that can only fit in a limited do?? I certainly would be ok with that if I was a BM. Obviously you've a finite amount of time to get ready and 4 BMs. Can you not maybe sit down with her and explain calmly and like she's an adult that you have only 30mins for her, and maybe try to compromise what she can have/do within that time?

Thanks bratz81... yes I'm paying for everything and have also got them jewellery for the day and a pressie (individual engraved personalised plaque thanking them for being our bridesmaid)

Hopefully I've been pretty fair by saying she can have any hairstyle (within reason - the scarecrow look doesn't count LOL) that is possible within 30 mins and if she is adamant she wants curls, she needs to arrange that herself.

And breathe....! I don't want her to be uncomfortable on the day - even though she looked beautiful with the hairstyle - but as you said, I'm providing them with everything so would prefer it to be mostly my choice with input from her.

aliasojo

Noctu wrote: »

Thanks everyone, your advice has genuinely helped! I've just sent her a message saying that I'm happy for her to have any style of her choosing that the hairdresser can do within the 30 minute time frame - however if she's adamant that she must have this curly hairstyle then she will need to find another stylist as there's simply no time for my hairdresser to do it.
I've also suggested that she can do her own hair even though this will mean that she'd definitely be different to the other bridesmaids.
So I'm waiting for the hairdresser to get back to me with other possibilities of 30 minute hairstyles, and asked my cousin also to get back to me to whether or not she is open for another 30 min hairstyle or if she is insisting on curly, in which case she'll need to find another mobile hairdresser OR do it herself on the day.
Sigh.......... not what I wanted but I am literally at the end of my tether and it would be a waste if I sacked her (dress already bought and altered, silk flowers bought, tiara bought, etc etc) - being realistic unfortunately it would mean half my family falling out no matter how I framed it (e.g. she dropped out rather than I sacked her due to artistic differences, lol).

D'you reckon this sounds fair?

I think you're being very fair now. I hope she can realise there is some middle ground to meet in and she sees that you are trying your best to accomodate her feelings too.

I know brides want everything to be perfect (I did myself) but this really is only a tiny thing in the whole scheme of things and it wont spoil your day at all as long as you can keep it in perspective.

You're the one who will be centre stage on the day. A different hairstyle wont even merit a mention I bet.

Noctu

aliasojo wrote: »

I think you're being very fair now. I hope she can realise there is some middle ground to meet in and she sees that you are trying your best to accomodate her feelings too.

I know brides want everything to be perfect (I did myself) but this really is only a tiny thing in the whole scheme of things and it wont spoil your day at all as long as you can keep it in perspective.

You're the one who will be centre stage on the day. A different hairstyle wont even merit a mention I bet.

Thanks - it's very difficult to keep things in perspective sometimes! At least she likes the dress :rotfl:

clearing_out_my_pockets

What time do you get married? Could she see a hairdresser herself to get the hair curled and then in the half hour slot your hairdresser has she could have it put up...?

Noctu

clearing_out_my_pockets wrote: »

What time do you get married? Could she see a hairdresser herself to get the hair curled and then in the half hour slot your hairdresser has she could have it put up...?

Good idea, but I'm not sure that would quite work with the timings on the day (getting married at 1pm) ... ahh :rotfl:

moongarden

clairetelche1 wrote: »

Sorry - I'm on the side of the bridesmaid - I've been bridesmaid 3 times and have never been told how to style my hair - if she feels uncomfortable then that's going to be a bit of a nightmare for her all day. Do the bridesmaids really have to look identical? I think I'd rather have 4 happy bridesmaids who felt comfortable and happy - just my opinion but can't you find a compromise? Good luck! Cxx

me neither - i've been a bridesmaid twice and to be honest someone else's choice of dress both times were totally unflatering and i felt awkward and uncomfortable.
on the other hand i smiled sweetly and sucked it up as it wasn't my day.

it does seem to be the fashion now to be more relaxed about bridesmaids, same dress fabric but slightly different styles etc

melancholly

i'd keep her parents in the loop and explain it to them yourself - she may not give a full account (or at least your bias should cancel out hers!).

at 15 i would have been mortified to make this much of a fuss (if i'd hated the hair i would probably have asked my mum to speak up on my behalf) but i guess a lot of people are more confident, even as a teenager.

Schwade

Don't worry - its just a hairstyle. Your compromise is fine.

I know everyone wants perfection in their wedding but remember it's more important to enjoy the moment rather than get caught up on little things that doesn't even mean anything about the true meaning of the wedding.

Just a edit - I went to a wedding where the guy was nervous and dropped the ring and everyone was trying to find it on the ground - you know what it became a highlight of the wedding haha.