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Is my bridesmaid out of order???
Noctu
Posts: 1,553 Forumite
Sorry this is a bit long 
and seems ridiculous when I type it out, but this is causing me so much stress, I can't believe a family member would do this to me over something so bloody trivial!...
We're getting married in 3 weeks (eek!) and recently my (four) bridesmaids had a hair trial. They are all having french twists with roses tucked into the crease part. Very elegant and classy. They're also having a diamante tiara.
The problem is, my 15 year old cousin (who unfortunately is spoilt) is kicking off about the hairstyle. She says she doesn't like having her hair up apart from when it's all backcombed and perched on the top of her head... which seems to be the fashion now! (i.e. the dragged through a hedge backwards look). She says she doesn't like the style and will 'feel unable to be in the photos' if she has it. I've tried to compromise and said, well if you are going to have a different hairstyle you need to be the same as at least the chief bridesmaid (the other remaining bridesmaids are a lot younger and have a different dress on so won't matter too much). She wants it all curled, then pinned up so that the curls are tumbling down. Lovely style but not what I wanted for the bridesmaids - it's more bridal TBH. Also, the mobile hairdresser we've got booked only has 30 mins per bridesmaid and has told me that she won't have time to do anything more intricate than a french twist, and definitely nothing that involves curls.
So I told her this and she dug her heels in, so I suggested that if she can find another mobile hairdresser for the same cost who will come out on the day and do her hair and the chief bridesmaid's hair the same way, then you can have this pinned up style you want.
She said she'd get back to me, and then a couple of days later I got a message saying what about getting some curly hair pieces and getting the hairdresser to put them in with the style. I was sceptical and when I saw these hairpieces in the flesh they looked ratty and cheap. Spoke to the hairdresser who initially said she thought it would be ok, then a few days later called to clarify what the hairpiece would actually be like, then advised that it would take just as much time to put the fake hair in and get it blended in with the rest of it as it would to curl it in the first place. So there wouldn't be time anyway.
So after all that I'm about to tell her that she can't have the hairstyle she wants and she needs to either find another mobile hairdresser as originally suggested (which I sincerely doubt as the wedding is the Saturday of a bank holiday weekend and not for a decent price - mine is costing me £25/each and she works at Saks)...
I know she's gonna kick off... what on earth do I say to her? If I sack her then it'll cause a huge rift in the family as her mum is a wannabe bridezilla and has spoilt her daughter rotten. In fact her mum has made things worse by declaring that the hair trial didn't suit her daughter and that she should have something else.
BTW none of the other bridesmaids have had a problem with the hairstyle and are disgusted with the way my cousin is acting, they love the style! I've already bought her an adult style strapless full length dress when a lot of brides wouldn't have seeing as she's only 15 but thought I would treat her as she has the figure for it. She should be glad I didn't put her in some horribly poofy creation!
ARRRGHHHHH!!! Help!!! What should I say to her and what do I do if she kicks off?? :mad:
and seems ridiculous when I type it out, but this is causing me so much stress, I can't believe a family member would do this to me over something so bloody trivial!...We're getting married in 3 weeks (eek!) and recently my (four) bridesmaids had a hair trial. They are all having french twists with roses tucked into the crease part. Very elegant and classy. They're also having a diamante tiara.
The problem is, my 15 year old cousin (who unfortunately is spoilt) is kicking off about the hairstyle. She says she doesn't like having her hair up apart from when it's all backcombed and perched on the top of her head... which seems to be the fashion now! (i.e. the dragged through a hedge backwards look). She says she doesn't like the style and will 'feel unable to be in the photos' if she has it. I've tried to compromise and said, well if you are going to have a different hairstyle you need to be the same as at least the chief bridesmaid (the other remaining bridesmaids are a lot younger and have a different dress on so won't matter too much). She wants it all curled, then pinned up so that the curls are tumbling down. Lovely style but not what I wanted for the bridesmaids - it's more bridal TBH. Also, the mobile hairdresser we've got booked only has 30 mins per bridesmaid and has told me that she won't have time to do anything more intricate than a french twist, and definitely nothing that involves curls.
So I told her this and she dug her heels in, so I suggested that if she can find another mobile hairdresser for the same cost who will come out on the day and do her hair and the chief bridesmaid's hair the same way, then you can have this pinned up style you want.
She said she'd get back to me, and then a couple of days later I got a message saying what about getting some curly hair pieces and getting the hairdresser to put them in with the style. I was sceptical and when I saw these hairpieces in the flesh they looked ratty and cheap. Spoke to the hairdresser who initially said she thought it would be ok, then a few days later called to clarify what the hairpiece would actually be like, then advised that it would take just as much time to put the fake hair in and get it blended in with the rest of it as it would to curl it in the first place. So there wouldn't be time anyway.
So after all that I'm about to tell her that she can't have the hairstyle she wants and she needs to either find another mobile hairdresser as originally suggested (which I sincerely doubt as the wedding is the Saturday of a bank holiday weekend and not for a decent price - mine is costing me £25/each and she works at Saks)...
I know she's gonna kick off... what on earth do I say to her? If I sack her then it'll cause a huge rift in the family as her mum is a wannabe bridezilla and has spoilt her daughter rotten. In fact her mum has made things worse by declaring that the hair trial didn't suit her daughter and that she should have something else.
BTW none of the other bridesmaids have had a problem with the hairstyle and are disgusted with the way my cousin is acting, they love the style! I've already bought her an adult style strapless full length dress when a lot of brides wouldn't have seeing as she's only 15 but thought I would treat her as she has the figure for it. She should be glad I didn't put her in some horribly poofy creation!
ARRRGHHHHH!!! Help!!! What should I say to her and what do I do if she kicks off?? :mad:
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Comments
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If it were me I would tell her it's your way or no way. You have four bridesmaids so can easily lose one. When she gets married she can choose the bridesmaids hairstyles.:j Trytryagain FLYLADY - SAYE £700 each month Premium Bonds £713 Mortgage Was £100,000@20/6/08 now zilch 21/4/15:beer: WTL - 52 (I'll do it 4 MUM)0
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What should you do? Sack her! She sounds like a spoiled little brat!
Sorry to be so blunt!0 -
ditto to the above. its your day, so just tell the spoilt little brat.. my way or the highway.. and just remind the mother the same!! unless she is prepared to pay extra for the style she wants....Life is like a box of chocolates........
too much all at once and you start to feel just a little sick...._ _pale_
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looktothefuture wrote: »What should you do? Sack her! She sounds like a spoiled little brat!
Sorry to be so blunt!
I agree and would be posting exactly the same response if I was reading the initial post... but it would honestly cause so much friction that in a way it would be easier (stress level wise) for me to back down. But then I don't want to do that! Ahh. I guess I'm looking for the unknown (and probably non-existent) solution that sits somewhere in the middle... :wall:0 -
Tell her to put up or shut up, you are the bride and that is waht you want, end off.
If need be sack her!,
You don't need the stress of a spoilt BM aged 15 acting like she owns your wedding and stomping her foot!
It is YOUR wedding!
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Sorry - I'm on the side of the bridesmaid - I've been bridesmaid 3 times and have never been told how to style my hair - if she feels uncomfortable then that's going to be a bit of a nightmare for her all day. Do the bridesmaids really have to look identical? I think I'd rather have 4 happy bridesmaids who felt comfortable and happy - just my opinion but can't you find a compromise? Good luck! Cxx0
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ditto to the above. its your day, so just tell the spoilt little brat.. my way or the highway.. and just remind the mother the same!! unless she is prepared to pay extra for the style she wants....
I'd be happy with that BUT one thing I'm not prepared to compromise on is that she must have the same hairstyle as the chief bridesmaid - and I'm not paying extra for CB as well! & not going to ask CB to cover it either as she's completely skint!
& I don't think she'll cover the extra for both herself AND CB...0 -
clairetelche1 wrote: »Sorry - I'm on the side of the bridesmaid - I've been bridesmaid 3 times and have never been told how to style my hair - if she feels uncomfortable then that's going to be a bit of a nightmare for her all day. Do the bridesmaids really have to look identical? I think I'd rather have 4 happy bridesmaids who felt comfortable and happy - just my opinion but can't you find a compromise? Good luck! Cxx
No need to apologise, I appreciate opinions from the other side of the fence! The problem is the hairdresser literally doesn't have time to do any other hairstyle, she has 30 mins per bridesmaid so can't do all the curls etc that she's demanding... :S so I'm in a really difficult position...0 -
I had a BM that was also awkward-my 35 year old sister. She didn't like the dress/hair/make up that I wanted (the other 2 were willing to do whatever I wanted to do to them!). I got married at the weekend and my sister had her hair down & straightened-the other 2 had it pinned up at the side and curled-and she refused to wear the make up so she looked totally different to the other 2 and do you know what? It didn't matter a jot! Before the wedding, I was just like you, wanting everyone the same and offended that she didn't like my ideas, but she still looked miserable as sin in all the photos on the day, so even though she did her own thing, she still wasn't happy!
If you think you can bear it, let her do her own thing within your confines-so only 30 mins to do her hair-whatever she wants done with it!-and if she wants anything extra, she has to pay for it. It will keep the family happy and you can't be accused of being a bridezilla. Please don't stress about it, it is your day, so worry about the important bits-marrying the man of your dreams! x0 -
clairetelche1 wrote: »Sorry - I'm on the side of the bridesmaid - I've been bridesmaid 3 times and have never been told how to style my hair - if she feels uncomfortable then that's going to be a bit of a nightmare for her all day. Do the bridesmaids really have to look identical? I think I'd rather have 4 happy bridesmaids who felt comfortable and happy - just my opinion but can't you find a compromise? Good luck! Cxx
I completely agree.
Hair styles are very personal and the way you wear your hair affects the way you feel. I think if someone doesn't feel comfortable with a particular hairstyle, it's very unfair to make them have it.
Nothing to do with being spoilt. Imo.Herman - MP for all!
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