Is my bridesmaid out of order???

Noctu

Magicboo wrote: »

I had a BM that was also awkward-my 35 year old sister. She didn't like the dress/hair/make up that I wanted (the other 2 were willing to do whatever I wanted to do to them!). I got married at the weekend and my sister had her hair down & straightened-the other 2 had it pinned up at the side and curled-and she refused to wear the make up so she looked totally different to the other 2 and do you know what? It didn't matter a jot! Before the wedding, I was just like you, wanting everyone the same and offended that she didn't like my ideas, but she still looked miserable as sin in all the photos on the day, so even though she did her own thing, she still wasn't happy!
If you think you can bear it, let her do her own thing within your confines-so only 30 mins to do her hair-whatever she wants done with it!-and if she wants anything extra, she has to pay for it. It will keep the family happy and you can't be accused of being a bridezilla. Please don't stress about it, it is your day, so worry about the important bits-marrying the man of your dreams! x

Thank you Yeah it won't matter on the day.. it's just so frustrating that she's being a spoiled little brat!
I think I might just tell her that she can either find another hairdresser or do her hair herself!

Noctu

aliasojo wrote: »

I completely agree.

Hair styles are very personal and the way you wear your hair affects the way you feel. I think if someone doesn't feel comfortable with a particular hairstyle, it's very unfair to make them have it.

Nothing to do with being spoilt. Imo.

Thanks aliasojo... the problem is she won't be happy with anything which isn't exactly what she wants (which is why I think she's spoilt). If everything isn't just so then she kicks off and the hair thing is just another example of it :mad:

I think I may just tell her that she can do her hair how she pleases and be done with it...

Schwade

Noctu wrote: »

Thanks aliasojo... the problem is she won't be happy with anything which isn't exactly what she wants (which is why I think she's spoilt). If everything isn't just so then she kicks off and the hair thing is just another example of it :mad:

I think I may just tell her that she can do her hair how she pleases and be done with it...

Just let her do her own hair.

Win win - you save money and she can have something different.

I really dont think you need identical hairstyle for bridesmaid...I mean they all look different now anyways.

argamemnon

This is your special day & you really don't need some brat throwing her toys out of the pram, maybe best to sack her as others have said do you really want some other diva on your day, also if she want to look like a scarecrow that's her choice but not on your day, also maybe its time for her to grow up...all the best on your special day:beer:

LEJC

The way I see it is that if the hairdresser doesn't have enough time to faff around with different styles then your bridesmaid must appreciate that...its your style(or the one done by the hairdresser ) or nothing

Just explain that on the morning of the wedding time is very limited and now is not the time to be finding another hairdresser to do different styles to suit everyone...its therefore your bridesmaids decision now if she wants to conform to your request or to step down from her duties...simple as that no more compromise just give her the facts calmly but with purpose then its her choice...you either have 3 or 4 bridesmaids on the day...

Giving her the choice to leave now over a hairstyle is the best thing to do if anyone subsequently questions your decision you can say it was her choice to leave...as someone else said its put up shut up or get out!

aliasojo

Noctu wrote: »

I think I may just tell her that she can do her hair how she pleases and be done with it...

Would that be so bad? Within reason of course.

Maybe if you and her could agree some boundaries but still leave room for her personal choice then it might work out better?

I think she's kicking off so badly right now because she's feeling hard done to. Many 15 year olds need 'manipulated' in order to get the best out of them. They are rarely level headed enough to be able to show maturity in situations where their emotions are running high. If she thinks you're taking her feelings on board and you two can discuss it seriously, you might find she's not quite as antagonistic about her hair.

The alternative is, as others said, to just exclude her completely.

I know you probably have loads on your mind and could do without this right now but the last thing you need is to leave this hanging with bad feeling. Good luck.

marywooyeah

I went to a wedding in october as a guest, went to my local hairdresser and asked for an updo "which wont make me look disgusting" (I'm quite ugly so don't really like getting all done up but most people were having professional hairstyles so i went along)
she backcombed it then put it in a french roll and I absolutely hated it but felt like i couldnt say anything as she spent about 45 minutes doing it. I spend all day feeling uncomfortable at the wedding and everytime someone said "your hair looks nice" I felt they were humoring me (even though some of them probably meant it).
see it from her side - you dont want her to feel comfortable surely?
could she not just buy some curling tongs and do it herself?

wendym

My seventeen year old brother 'gave me away', in polished shoes (OMG! How could anyone have been so cruel to him?) and with his shoulder length hair cut. Not at my insistence at all, but our mother's. In all the photos he looks furious and grim and is looking away from the camera. Years later he did apologise. By then it was kind of funny. I would take the line of least hassle, even if you feel she is 'getting away with it'. On the day you really won't care.

malkie76

I'm another vote for demotion. I would have hoped that at 15years old she'd be mature enough to put her feelings aside for your benefit.

I'd calmly say that she's having the hairstyle you want, or she can remove herself from the wedding party. You could word it such that she's made the choice to turn down the offer of bridesmain rather than you kicking her out. Hopefully that would avoid any family issues.

aliasojo

wendym wrote: »

My seventeen year old brother 'gave me away', in polished shoes (OMG! How could anyone have been so cruel to him?) and with his shoulder length hair cut. Not at my insistence at all, but our mother's. In all the photos he looks furious and grim and is looking away from the camera. Years later he did apologise. By then it was kind of funny. I would take the line of least hassle, even if you feel she is 'getting away with it'. On the day you really won't care.

:rotfl:

Most 'kids' that age find it difficult to see the wider picture if all they feel is bad.

Thank God they eventually mature. (Or at least most of them do. )