Family member struggling, would you offer to help

lil_me

Ok this has been going on a few years, a family member with 2 children has always struggled. I get calls weekly asking to borrow money and I know they owe others. They will buy things then sell for a third of what they paid as they are skint :mad: which I had a little rant about today. They've sold things to me then few months later asked to buy it back! I'm not a pawn broker! Seems to have it all worked out, all written down and I think oh they back on track then I get another call.

My question would you offer to help them go through their finances and see if can find out where they're going wrong ?

As a person would you find this too intrusive if someone offered ?

victory

yes, unfortunately yes, even though it is an absolutely brilliant idea to save them from further debt etc yes it would be like bearing your soul and people don't do that do they? xx

lil_me

I know they also have debts with the likes of Provident as I have been there when collectors have called, I think they owe to about 4 similar companies which worries me even more. I know what they charge.

kathyd_2

You could offer to help sort out their finances. Worst they can say is no. Good luck.

Broken_hearted

I would stop giving them money. You might think it's helping but it's not, they have to learn to budget themselves.

angchris

i have a friend exactly like your family member:rolleyes: we have the same size family/income and nearing the end of the month she is always selling something for a ridicularly cheap price that she had bought 1 or 2 months previousely out of a catalogue. her kids have the best clothes/toys money can buy but is always scrabbling round to pay the provident man when he calls or not answering the door. i personally couldnt live like that i`d find it embarrasing:o i`d much rather my son had second hand clothes and toys from the carboot and live off beans on toast rather than have to tell everyone im skint. i personally wouldnt help them like another poster said they need to learn to cope and stand on their own 2 feet, nobody minds helping in an emergency but all the time? i`d offer to help sort their finances out that would be more help than lending them money, but sometimes people dont want to listen and carry on doing what they have always done trying to keep up with the jones`s instead of doing it the sensible way because they know best :rolleyes: everybody likes shiny new toys and gadgets but you have to learn when to draw the line and say we cant afford it this month

Contains_Mild_Peril

They might say no, but I'd at least offer help in sorting out their finances. If the approach is sensitive, they're unlikely to be offended, but they may decline the offer for various reasons. They might feel that it's just something they wouldn't ever want to discuss in such detail with others; they may be embarrassed to admit how bad they've let things get; they might be denying it even to themselves; they might think that they wouldn't be able to improve their situation if they tried.
You could try recommending this site (after this thread's faded away, so they don't know you've been talking about them here), and tell them you find it a great help - maybe even suggest that you could compare notes on budgeting and debt management, and show them your own income and outgoings so they might feel more comfortable about showing theirs to you.
Good luck.

Smashing

Definitely - in fact, offer financial advice rather than money. Give a man a fish and all that jazz. Constantly being lent money clearly isn't helping them to get out of the situation.

Intrusive? I'd call constant phone calls asking for money more intrusive than someone offering well-meant advice.

lynzpower

id definately offer to help, say "i used to be skint al the time, and now Im not" but id not lend. whats th epoint, youll get its back at the end of the Q.

inkie

Do not give them cash - it's actually enabling them to carry on with head in sand scenario. Offer to sit down with them and help them to acheive their lightbulb moment. Other than that, there is little you can do.

Mark7799

How about the OP saying THEY are skint so can't afford to lend any money and offering to work through finances together?