money, relationships, families

FatVonD

I think you should accept the gift and buy the property in your own name, pay the mortgage yourself (and have a very clear paper trail showing that your partner has never contributed towards it so they have no claim on it if the relationship ends) and then divide the bills equally with both of you paying your designated bills directly to the utility companies etc rather than your partner giving you money towards them.

Your partner will have more disposable income than you (and will hopefully repay your generosity in the past) but you will have an investment and your family will be happy.

ETA, your family may well be racist and dislike your partner but I don't think that's what's behind them wanting to safeguard their investment on your behalf. I will one day inherit my parent's house and plan to sell it to buy two flats, one to fund my retirement and another for my son. My son is only 13 so any future partner is only hypothetical but I tie myself in knots trying to think of ways to do it so he wouldn't lose half of it after a messy break up!

Any

Your "significant other" is not paying towards the bills if I understand correctly.... And ignores your requests when you ask.

Do you really not see the problem your family is seeing?

I don't blame them for imposing conditions on a gift in such a situation...
The racism issue is a problem, but are you sure it is actual racism issue rather then over sensitivity on your part and/or over protection of you on your family part given the problem above?

balletshoes

gazebo wrote: »

yes, at the moment my income is paying for our flat, including all bills. My partner is contributing to putting food on the table.

In theory I'm not supposed to be paying towards food, however, this does not work out at all as I'm often finding myself in the supermarket buying bits and bobs, which do all add up in the end.

Havin broken down my income and expenditure, I can just about afford to continue to pay everything until August, however, shopping trips etc need to stop.

The problem I have with my OH is they are not willing to sit down and draw up a real budget for food shopping, and a list of what we actually need, hence why we end up with me doing additional shops in between times.

okay well in that case, why don't you work out how much your food/groceries budget should be, and ask for that amount of money from your OH, instead of them doing the shopping and missing stuff. Or you write the list and they go shopping and pay for it all.

In terms of what happens after August, the money going towards loan payments will become part of the split of household bills - however, I would prefer if we ended up as a 50/50 split (as we are on similar incomes) and we both then contributed equally to everything. I just know that regardless of if I have a seriously intense sit down conversation and laying of cards on the table, my OH will never really come around to this way of thinking.

why not? have you had the conversation yet? what reason does your OH give for not being able or willing to contribute half to the household bills?

The problems with my parents are not really helping with any of this either. They seem to think I'd be happier if I had a house and was settled down - but haven't actually asked me if this is what I want.

On top of the racism, there is also the reluctance to accept the fact I am in a same sex relationship, but that's another topic completely.

Thank you to you all so far though.

I would refuse the gift of money if it comes with conditions regarding your relationship - its not worth it, is it?
My OH is from another country and another culture, he's pretty good-humoured about comments on the cultural differences from my immediate family, but when its getting too much for him, he just says so, and they stop. It doesn't cause ill feeling, and my family are always welcoming to him.

gazebo

well, last night I managed to sit down and have a proper conversation with my OH about all of this.

We have drawn up a realistic budget for the next few months which includes equal contributions towards rent etc.

Thank you everyone for your help yesterday.

My next step is to speak properly with my parents concerning their offer and the racism etc.

KiKi

gazebo wrote: »

well, last night I managed to sit down and have a proper conversation with my OH about all of this.

We have drawn up a realistic budget for the next few months which includes equal contributions towards rent etc.

Thank you everyone for your help yesterday.

My next step is to speak properly with my parents concerning their offer and the racism etc.

Well done, glad it's sorted between you two. Hope it goes okay with the parentals!

KiKi