Grandparents helping with childcare

MadDogWoman_2

Hi,

I had discussions with my mum during the TTC phase about childcare as my DH works shifts so we would have had to pay for a full time place for part time hours - definitely not affordable to us.

So DH and my mum work it out between them, there are no grandparents on DH's side and the rest of his family are too far away to help.

We don't pay, which is exactly the same as my 2 brothers and their children. My mum takes her out twice a week to local groups and has done since my DD was born. Then 2.5 days of the week she is in playgroup, then mum either continues to look after her until I get home from work or drops her back home for DH to take over.

DD starts school in September and again pick up and drop offs will be worked out between them.

If we had paid for childcare we would be in a real mess with regards to bills etc.

FATBALLZ

My mum looks after my child once a week, and my child is in nursery the other 4 days. I give my mum money to cover the cost of petrol to get here (it's a reasonable distance) plus of course she can help herself to drinks and whatever is in the fridge.

Her style of childcare isn't necessarily what I'd approve of, mainly being that she feeds my child too much junk and doesn't stick to their sleeping patterns, but seeing as it's only about 7 hours a week I tend to let it slide. Plus she's doing us a favour. I guess if I seriously disapproved of her childcare style I'd do something about it.

clearingout

childminders, if they're registered, come under Ofstead, just like nurseries and they are quite seriously inspected. Childminders are also inspected prior to being allowed to become a childminder, have to take a very short course, have to have insurance etc. A good childminder can give way more than a good nursery in my opinion. But it is an opinion and everyone is different!

I have used a fab childminder, a not so fab childminder (although passable) and a very good nursery. I would go with the fab childminder every time. The nursery, to be frank, was staffed by young women (many in their late teens) who I struggled to have a half decent conversation with and who always left me a little nervous on handing over a small baby. There were far more experienced staff in the nursery, however, it was just the baby room. I took him out in the end as it was more than my nerves could stand - several of my friends have used the same nursery and don't understand my concerns so it is very much a personal thing.

I wouldn't worry about the routine of things too much - children, and babies, are very quickly able to adapt to doing something one way in one situation and the same thing a different way in someone else's care. I would say, however, be very careful how you approach the step mother situation if it ever crosses your mind to use her rather than your mum!

meritaten

I have six grandchildren and have babysat them all (and they all want to come for sleepovers). The only one I actually childmind for my DIL to work is my oldest sons boy.I have been minding him 2 or three days a week since he was four months old and he is three and a half now. His other nan minds him 2 or three days as well (how many days depends on DILs work pattern and if either nan has appointments, is ill etc). It has worked extremely well! I told DIL that I dont approve of smacking and have always used time-out and adapted it to the naughty step as that is what SHE wants. his other nan does this too. When she picks him up we sort of have a discussion of his behaviour and how it was dealt with. DIL knows if she thinks I am too harsh or too soft then she can tell me so - but so far is happy with the way I deal with him. and the way her mum deals with him I am fairly sure she is happy with too - the lad is happy and I am happy to have him.
I DONT get paid - but do get very extravagant pressies on mothers day, my birthday and christmas!
as does his other nan.
I think its very handy to have relatives who will childmind. If one isnt available then another can step in - even the most family friendly firms dont like it if you cannot come to work because you cant get childcare! and the child certainly gets used to which days he goes to which nans! My son has brought him to my house a couple of times on the wrong day and each time GS has said 'Told you it was nanny S day today'!
If you want to pay - then certainly offer! but please - make sure that if you have certain rules that they are known to the childminder - nanny or not they should be respected!

JodyBPM

I work 2 days a week, and my children are looked after by my mum one day each week, and by DH's mum the other day each week. They are at school now, so it isn't so much time (apart from the holidays, but DH & I often take a good chunk of the hols off!), but they've done it since they were 1 and 2 yrs old. I don't pay them, but I have offered, and financially both set of parents are very comfortably off, and had already retired.

The advantages of using family are that the children build a great, comfortable relationship with their GPs, flexibility for sickness, inset days etc, and of course financial.

The disadvantage is that you cannot expect grandparents to parent exactly as you would. They are grandparents after all, and want to enjoy being grandparents! I know that my children eat more junk and get away with more with both sets of grandparents than they do at home. But I'm OK with that, I'm at home 5 days out of 7 to do the parenting and set the rules. Also you have to remember that the grandparents are doing you a HUGE favour, and not the other way round, so you have to be flexible and meet them in the middle sometimes. You also have to be aware of their age/health etc, and make sure that they are actually fit to do it, I actually cut my days from 2 to 3 because I was worried that my parents who were doing 2 days a week were beginning to look tired from it. They'd have NEVER said that to me, but I felt it was too much for them (this was at pre-school age).

I have a great relationship with my parents and with the in laws, so talking to them about issues has never been a problem, but I can see that this kind of arrangement wouldn't work for everyone.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

ab7167

My MIL does childcare for us. When I had one child, she had her from 7am Tuesday morning to 3pm on Wednesday afternoon, as they live just a bit too far away for it to be practical on a daily basis. Thursday and Friday am she went to a local childminder. My son now does this as well, MIL said she would only have 1 child at a time so DD 'graduated' to 3 full days at the CM, with preschool in the mornings (CM does drop off and pick up). I don't pay, but have offered and it was refused. Both my children are extremely happy, outgoing personalities, and I firmly believe that a variety of childcare (albeit on a strict routine) has helped this. If MIL fancies a week off, DS goes to CM instead, I just have to give them a few weeks notice to ensure they have space - an sometimes have to coordinate with other parents holidays IYSWIM.

I have had comments that people don't think I 'love' my children enough as otherwise I wouldn't be able to 'bear' to let them away from me overnight. Both have an extremely strong bond with GP's which is a joy.

As for parenting style and rules, she has hers and I have mine, although we do have the same basic principles, which helps. Children learn very quickly that there are different rules in different places.

Good luck with the baby, I was a planner too and had this all sorted by the time
DD was 4 weeks old, although I didn't go back to work until she was 10 months. It made for a relaxing mat leave as I had everything already arranged so don't feel bad for being a planner!

mountainofdebt

Blue_Monkey wrote: »

Mountainofdebt - it's not so much about funds, we could probably cover 3 days of nursery just fine. But I'm thinking more of when I go up to 4 and then 5 days per week and I don't like the idea of the baby being in nursery quite that much. I really want my children to be close to their grandparents so am seeing this as a kind of compromise - in that I'd prefer my children had some of the social side and benefits of nursery AND the benefits of close family members being a feature in their lives. As for grandma-jealousy, well I think my stepmum and OH's mum would expect me to rely slightly more heavily on my mum. The problems would arise if/when my mum thought she was getting less exposure!! What makes you think a rota system wouldn't work if it was just one day every 3 weeks?

Well as I said Junior went to nursey from the age of 6 months to 3 and was at his first for the first 2 years ......and to be honest when he left (moving only becuase I moved jobs) I blubbed for 10 minutes before I collected him on his last day, blubbed whilst I was in there and blubbed afterwards as well.

The 2nd nursey were brillant when he was diagnosised with a condition that would have left many a childminder wondering if they could cope with him.

Junior is / was very close to his grandparents and in no way did the fact that he was going to a nursery ft affect his relationship.

It just seems to me that to have a rota is over complicating the process - I mean what would happen if you had a day off that Nan A was supposed to have the baby - would the next week be Nan A's turn or Nan B's?

meritaten

mountainofdebt wrote: »

Well as I said Junior went to nursey from the age of 6 months to 3 and was at his first for the first 2 years ......and to be honest when he left (moving only becuase I moved jobs) I blubbed for 10 minutes before I collected him on his last day, blubbed whilst I was in there and blubbed afterwards as well.

The 2nd nursey were brillant when he was diagnosised with a condition that would have left many a childminder wondering if they could cope with him.

Junior is / was very close to his grandparents and in no way did the fact that he was going to a nursery ft affect his relationship.

It just seems to me that to have a rota is over complicating the process - I mean what would happen if you had a day off that Nan A was supposed to have the baby - would the next week be Nan A's turn or Nan B's?

Thats easy - you have give and take on both sides! If DILs mum has an appointment then I have GS and we swap a day. If one of us is ill and cant have him that week then the other GP does. All it takes is being reasonable and communication.

mumOf2wonderfulkids

congratulations on your bump

dd turned 7 in january and MIL has looked after her while i work since she was 6 months old. (i work 3 days a week) we also have a ds who has just turned 4 and MIL has also looked after him since i returned to work after 9 months. (my mother never really seemed to want to get involved with my kids that much as my sister has 2 the similar age and as she was a single parent back then my mother used to help her out more)
When DD started school, my mum wanted to get involved in looking after her too, so she picks her up 2 days a week although i still don't feel as relaxed as when i do with MIL looks after DD, i have to text her to remind to pick dd up from school etc whereas with MIL i trust her 100%
i think its nice for the kids to spend days with nanny and grandad as they seem to develop a close bond with them, nanny started to miss dd when she no longer looked after her so DD now sleeps over every friday night

if MIL wants to go away we always come to an agreement over what dates i need to book off (i have a very family friendly boss so getting time off isnt a problem)
we did offer to pay MIL but she refused to take any payment,
with regards to rules etc, MIL is fine but my mother is a bit of a pain and lets dd do whatever she wants, that can include spending the afternoon eating chocolate :S no matter how many times i ask her to do things my way - it just falls on deaf ears lol .

mpet

Whichever Nan you leave you little one with- you will need to bite your tongue at times!

My MIL looked after both my 2 from when I went back to work when they were 6 months old. I paid her (not as much as an official childminder, but we were both happy with the arrangement). I was more than grateful as we would not have been able to manage on 1 wage and turned a blind eye to most of the things she did with them that I wouldn't have.

Don't get me wrong, she didn't do anything really wrong - perhaps more sweets & treats than I would have given them and some strange combinations for meals etc, but they were happy and did not turn out to be brats - in fact they are both in their 20's now and are 'normal' healthy adults,