Help, family splitting up

supersavershal

Tonight the children are at home in their own beds and that is what my brother wanted.SIL keeps saying she wants a fresh start, my brother can accept that but he will always be around because of the children.He doesnt want his children coming to him in 10yrs asking why he didnt fight to see them.
There was a big family holiday booked and paid for and she said she has cancelled that and that her mother will pay for them to go later in the year, it seems such a shame my brother would have taken them on holiday with us to support him she didnt need to cancel it.
She told him today she hasnt loved him for about 2 years, he is finding this hard to accept, they didnt really have a lot of rows but they didnt do much together.He thought it was she was so busy with her coursework and was tired and he stepped back thinking he was doing the right thing and supporting her work.
I am missing the children like crazy as I saw them most days, but I accept that if SIL doesnt want me around as she starts her fresh start then there is nothing I can do.I just feel so awful for my brother, he is a good dad and does his best.He is great with my children too.Just because he isnt what SIL wants anymore she shouldnt stop him being a father.
If it was the other way around people would be appalled, some fathers do get a really bad deal.

balletshoes

yes you're right, some fathers do get a rough deal when relationships break down - thats why its so important to get formal access arrangements put in place.

supersavershal

We will certainly be doing that on Tuesday, I just wish it didnt have to come to that, thinking of children and solicitors doesnt sit easy with us.I wish they could be ammicable, when people decide to have children they should ask themselves how they would view the other parents role in their lives if they ever decide the relationship is over.It has opened my eyes, my OH and I are happy (I think) but we have been really talking about how we would arrange things for our children if we ever split up.
I can see this will be a long , horrid , drawn out battle, I can see my brother being obstructed in every way possible.Thank you everyone for your thoughts and replies.

BlueC

supersavershal wrote: »

My brother has now moved out of the house and she is moving back in

Personally I think this was a massive massive mistake. He should have stayed put and fought to have the kids back with him. Now he's moved out he's only weakened his position and made hers stronger.

Having read the thread I feel awful for your brother but this woman is walking all over him and he needs to grow a pair and stand up for himself. She sounds like a right cow.

princessdreamer

Why is she a cow, she is a mother who wants to seperate from her partner, who from reading has issues. His family are ripping her to shreds on an internet forum with no way for her to respond. She has moved the children back into the family home and it looks like things are moving forward. Does anyone honestly think if she looked to her exs family for help and support with the children that they would welcome her with open arms. She is probably scared stiff they will take off with the children.
She must have felt desperate to up and leave with the children when she had nowhere to go.

Mojisola

princessdreamer wrote: »

Why is she a cow,

Because their father has been the children's main carer while he and his family have supported her in lots of ways while she went to university.

She has now thrown all that back in their faces and has totally disrupted the children's lives.

supersavershal

princessdreamer wrote: »

Why is she a cow, she is a mother who wants to seperate from her partner, who from reading has issues. His family are ripping her to shreds on an internet forum with no way for her to respond. She has moved the children back into the family home and it looks like things are moving forward. Does anyone honestly think if she looked to her exs family for help and support with the children that they would welcome her with open arms. She is probably scared stiff they will take off with the children.
She must have felt desperate to up and leave with the children when she had nowhere to go.

She may want to separate from my brother but she cannot separate him from the children.I am not ripping her to shreds I am stating the facts.I have said nothing here that I would not gently say to her about how unreasonable she is being.
My brother has only had issues since she left him, took the children away from him, used them as a weapon, transferred every penny of his money to her account, publicly slagged every one of us off on a social networking site.
And yet, yes we would welcome her back with open arms if that was what she wanted and my brother wanted.It is ridiculas to suggest we would take off with the children, we have our own families, homes and careers.We have only ever tried to support her, especially as she is following me in my chosen career I have given lots of help.
My brother had the children today, we took them with my children to a park for a picnic.When SIL collected them they were crying to stay with us, I picked them up and told them they needed to go home with mummy for tea and bath for school.It never entered my head to take off with them, the only person threatening to take off with them is SIL down south.
My brother has even taken to driving to mum and dads totally out of his way so he doesnt pass the house in case she thinks he is hassling her.
We are not bad people, I have not rung, text or anything since last week when she came to my house and I told her after 16yrs of having her in my life, she is godmother to my children, I would like her to stay in my life and feel comfortable to pop round for coffee etc.She said she would like that.I told her I love the children, is it so wrong to love them? and for my parents to love their grandchildren?
She has acted unreasonably and I do feel we have been very restrained in giving her the space she needs but ensuring she knows she still has our full support where the children are concerned.
I dont know why you would be so horrid, my brother and my family are suffering enough.

supersavershal

princessdreamer wrote: »

Why is she a cow,She must have felt desperate to up and leave with the children to go.

I have just read your other posts, and now I know why you feel this way.You have obviously had a bad experience with your ex and had problems with your MIL.This is not the case here.
This is a woman who was first my best friend then my SIL for 16 yrs.My brother is a kind, quiet, hardworking, faithfull person.There is no big drama like in your case, she just doesnt love him anymore, people fall out of love.He just didnt see the signs as he mistook them for her being tired and busy with her coursework which is totally understandable.
When she wanted to go to uni, myself and my parents told her we would fully support her with childcare.She used to tell us when she needed us and we were there, for the rest of it my brother did the main caring.We holidayed together,socialised together and were god parents to each others children.It was a mutually beneficial agreement.We valued her in our lives and until now she valued us.
Our issues are with the way she is now treating my brother and the way the children are being used, we dont feel it is necessary.
I appreciate some women are treated badly but you must understand so are some men.