Help, family splitting up

make_me_wise

supersavershal wrote: »

When he went to the bank she had used internet banking to transfer all his wages into her account on his payday, and he said thats ok.He has discovered a lot of financial irregularities he had no knowledge of but he is willing to let it all ride as long as she leaves children in the school where they have been happy,and lets him see them more which is important during this unsettled period for them.He will leave the house he will even pay the mortgage, I dont know what more he can do

Your poor brother. Effectively it seems like his wife is trying to cripple him, financially and emotionally. She has taken all his wages, gone with his kids, changed their school and is playing silly !!!!!!s about allowing him access to kids he adores.

It is terrible to get someone into such a state of fear and anxiety that they will let you walk all over them.

As things are she is making it impossible for him to hire a solicitor and fight for his rights unless his family help him.

Mojisola

Why isn't he is the house with the children? That's the normal situation for the children.

For his children's sake, he needs to stand up to this woman.

Sublime_2

I hate it when people do this. No need for this sort of thing. She sounds like shes being mean. Your brother has every right to see his children, and be consulted in what happens. Tell him to seek legal advice, as unfortunately is the only thing possible in this situation. I hope something can be sorted out amicably soon.

mum24boys

Is there any way to get this situation before a judge where he can then order the children returned to their home while the necessary assessments and paperwork is done. If they are sleeping on air beds in a overcrowded house and having trouble at school then this is not in their best interests to continue.

I think your brother needs a pit bull of a solicitor and start standing up for himself. He should continue to remain in the home and be available to look after the kids as normal. If the mum want to come back that will be her choice. Put evidence together how much the children relied on your family, evidence of what is happening at school, the conditions the children are living in a give it to solicitor. I would also consider contacting social services, they might be able to get into court to have the children returned faster. He should tell them he is concerned for their health and safety. They should visit and contact the school if the children are not living as they should be they might return them home.

If i was your brother i would be pulling out all the stops to get the kids back home. He needs to stop worrying about his ex feelings and not wanting to make matters worse, they could not get much worse so he needs to be pro-active. He also needs to open a new bank account ASAP. Who is the CB and CTC paid to. If its to him then he needs to swap it to new account.

If the mum wanted out of a dead relationship then that is fine. Dont drag the kids into it and put them into a situation which causes them trauma and grief. Pure selfishness.

daska

He needs to find a solicitor, quickly! Ideally one that is on the Children and Family Panels. He can ring firms over the weekend and leave messages, the one we rang on a Friday evening had 365 day telephone cover (only 2 partners) and was happy to give basic advice, gave us an appointment first thing on the Monday and it went before a judge midday Tuesday.

Not least, if a state school she would have had to confirm on the school application form that any other person with parental responsibility (which I presume he has as they registered birth together) knows about the application. (We didn't because it was a private school.)

make_me_wise

mum24boys wrote: »

If the mum wanted out of a dead relationship then that is fine. Dont drag the kids into it and put them into a situation which causes them trauma and grief. Pure selfishness.

I 100% agree with this. Whatever her feelings may be about her husband the kids still love him very much because he has been a great dad.

Didn't quite understand the poster who said this woman must feel suffocated by the husband and his family, what an insult to the OP. They have all bent over backwards to help her out and ease the pressure whilst she focuses on doing a degree. Most people would appreciate that level of selfless assistance and help.

princessdreamer

Woah we only have one side. I had a MIL who had my children all the time despite me begging for them back. I didnt want them to go but was bullied into it, I stayed which was the worst thing I ever did I wish I had got away from them a hell of a lot sooner. I stayed because moving them out of the family home to escape seemed cruel, wrong on my part staying was wrong.
In the end everyone was miserable. Now I am free from my controling ex and his family they are pulling the I'm the evil one crap. My children choose not to see their father despite him claiming to have been their main carer and are happier and healthier than ever.

shy-but-need-help

Whatever the situation with the children please tell your brother to get help for his mental health- social services/courts only see untreated mental health issues as a problem, it will look much better for him in the long run if he can stand there and say "yes, X,Y and Z was a problem but I'm getting all the right help and support for it." rather than have someone else bring up the fact he does have depression/stress/breakdown/whatever and has buried his head in the sand over it and not gotten treatment & support.

supersavershal

He has been reffered to someone for his anxiety problems by his G.P. .My family isnt suffocating her, she came to my house and I told her I would still have the children any time she needed me to and I love them and dont want to lose my relationship with them.It was always her who asked us to have the kids we didnt push her.
My brother has now moved out of the house and she is moving back in, she said she will reconsider changing the school but he is getting legal advice because she could turn it all around again when it suits.She said she doesnt want to see him at all and he said that is fine she can drop children at my parents.He is really suffering but we havnt suffocated, I have supported him and asked nothing of her.Even though she is god mother to both my children and had a lot of input with them and now they are miffed and asking why she doesnt want them any more, that hurts but Im swallowing it for now.

Mojisola

supersavershal wrote: »

My sister in law has left my brother.He was main carer working part time whilst my SIL went to uni.He had the children every day and when he went to work I had the children or my parents had them.He attended all school assemblies, parents evenings and open days.

I think it's dreadful that the children's main carer should be pushed out of their lives so easily. He and the children should be in the family home.