Problems at work - advice welcome

electric_comperella

Hi Guys

Sorry in advance if this post is rambling or overly long...

Basically I was on Incapacity Benefit for a couple of years after suffering a nervous breakdown which lead to chronic depression.

I made the decision last year that I was ready to try going back to work, I found myself a job and then informed the DSS etc

I sought out part-time work locally as I suffer with anxiety/social phobia which makes travel to unknown areas problematic...anyways I found what I thought was my ideal job....local, part-time hours and in a field I had interest in pursuing a long term career in....

I was nervous of all the unknowns that lay before me...but nonetheless ecstatic to have achieved what I set out to do when I began jobhunting...

I began the role months ago...and things were going along nicely until my boss forced the issue of my going full-time...I knew I wasn't up to increasing my hours and so dug my heels in to stay at p/t hours...backed up by my GP who also thought it wasn't a good idea....

My boss conceded (without my needing to put forward the supporting letter from my GP) and employed someone else to cover the extra hours I couldn't take on.

However I was reminded of my contract a clause of which states that I must provide cover for sickness and staff annual leave absences...

And that's when the attitude towards me changed for the worse.

I conceded to this at the time as I felt I would be out of a job if I refused, my boss basically made it clear it was that or the highway....

Since that time my rota'd hours change regularly, I'm forced to do more hours than are helpful to my health and to top it all off....

although I love my job and generally the people I work with...I HATE my boss...

Now I know I'm not supposed to love my boss...but all the same...

I wake each morning with acid reflux and aches and pains, I literally don't want to get out of bed, I want to run away and hide or better yet just lay there and hide away hoping the problems will just disappear...

My boss bullies me each and every day and although I'm still training in a field I've never worked in before - expects me to know everything - even things I've not been shown how to do...

last week was the crux - I was being shown by a colleague how to perform a new task and my boss bellowed "YOU DO IT!" I was aghast...I had no idea HOW to do it, until I was shown....

All day I was bellowed for and shouted at...I'm regularly had a go at for the mistakes made by others...on one recent occasion I was taken to task for a mistake that happened when I wasn't there!

By this point after several months of the same thing...I decided rather than to be humble and just take it regardless (As I have been doing) I stood up for myself and made it clear I wasn't there...and the ranting at me carried on!


DISCLAIMER ADDED TO PREVENT FURTHER COMMENTS BY DMG ET. AL (THE FOLLOWING COMMENTS WERE MADE BY OTHERS AWARE OF THE SITUATION AND NOT BY ME)
Everyone I've spoken to and explained the various episodes to think my boss is:

a lunatic
nasty person
bi-polar/drug taking
and/or just unhinged...

I can't take it anymore....it's affecting my life away from work...because I get so much stress thrown at me...so much aggression and am unable to successfully defend myself...I'm venting it away from work and I hate that...

I'm thinking about work all the time even when I'm not there...and dread going back...

I pulled my first sicky last week, something I'm not proud of at all...I've not been sleeping well and when it came to it I just couldn't force myself to go in again...

the last time I forced myself in I suffered the day from hell at the hands of my boss...

hence I am just losing all motivation to work for an individual who seems to take delight in having a go at me....

I've tried it all...been pre-emptive and done everything in half the time it should take...kept on smiling regardless of the bad days....no issues with time keeping...accepted the various rota changes but all to no avail...

there is nobody I can complain to, no grievance I can raise as my boss owns the company....

I know how lucky I am to be employed in the current climate and am not for 1 minute ungrateful...but I don't want to have to go back onto anti-depressants because of the actions of another - when I'd be otherwise mental A-OK...

I'm suffering with stress symptoms, regular migraines, anxiety attacks and can feel the depression descending

Opinions welcome...I feel too close to the situation at the moment and am hoping to try and get my head straight over the bank hol weekend...

thanks guys x

p.s. I've been jobhunting and haven't found anything yet, the problem is what I do in the short-term...ie. this week

KiKi

Can you speak to your doctor for some advice on the state of your health, and to be signed off for a couple of weeks? You are definitely better off out of there - when the boss owns your business there's so little you can do if you don't like them but they're not doing anything illegal.

Sorry to hear about your situation.
KiKi

dmg24

electric_comperella wrote: »

Everyone I've spoken to and explained the various episodes to think my boss is:

a lunatic
nasty person
bi-polar/drug taking
and/or just unhinged...

As someone with experience of mental health problems, do you think it is right to call someone else those names, irrespective of what you think of them? I am also not sure why you have grouped bipolar and drug taking together?

electric_comperella

I didn't call them those names....those were the opinions put forward by people I've spoken to about the incidents which have occured.....

If you'd read the post you'd see that....I have cast no judgement on why my boss behaves as such...it's not my concern...the only concern I have is the amount of aggression I'm being subject to and the effect it's having on my health.

Having to defend the comments of others is not why I posted..I just included those comments rather than specify a long list of incidents which I'd told to others...felt easier to just give their opinions.

electric_comperella

KiKi wrote: »

Can you speak to your doctor for some advice on the state of your health, and to be signed off for a couple of weeks? You are definitely better off out of there - when the boss owns your business there's so little you can do if you don't like them but they're not doing anything illegal.

Sorry to hear about your situation.
KiKi

Thanks Kiki

I am going to see my doctor again next week, she's been generally supportive and agreed with me that I shouldn't take on more hours....She also agreed last time I saw her, that I am being bullied by the boss potentially in an attempt to get me to leave....

Thanks Kiki, your post is welcomed..I feel harassed enough as it is without having to reply to the likes of dmg who want to get into definitions of mental health and semantics

dickydonkin

electric_comperella wrote: »

Thanks Kiki

I am going to see my doctor again next week, she's been generally supportive and agreed with me that I shouldn't take on more hours....She also agreed last time I saw her, that I am being bullied by the boss potentially in an attempt to get me to leave....

Thanks Kiki, your post is welcomed..I feel harassed enough as it is without having to reply to the likes of dmg who want to get into definitions of mental health and semantics

My wife was in a very similar position to you some years ago and just like yourself, was physically sick on a morning at the thoughts of having to go to work.

When she drove into the car park and saw the persons car, it would start again.

The person concerned was head of the finance department, a complete pratt and a bully - he must have had no say in his own house and took it out on easy targets at work. He always made comments when there were no witnesses. My wife is not one to create problems and she tried to ride the storm but she could take it no longer.

She went to HR who were absolutely useless and just went on the sick.

Fortunately, without any reason or notice, this pratt left the company to 'further his career' and all was well again - sadly, you may not be so lucky in having such a simple solution to the problem.

As kiki has suggested, see your doctor as you certainly have symptoms of work related stress and at least it will give you some time to get your head around thing without the distractions of the clown you are working for.

It is awful seeing someone suffering and worrying at the thoughts of having to go into work - I know - and it should not have to be like that.

As for dmg24 - I don't know what her comments were, but I can imagine! See my signature - that is one problem that can easily be resolved!

I accept I have not been much help to you, but by understanding what you are going through, I hope it makes you feel that you have a little bit support.

Good luck and I hope everything works out for you.

williacg

I really do feel for you in your current situation, having a boss that has taken a dislike to you is bad enough, but when that boss actually owns the company, it rarely ever ends well.

Are you in a union? if not, I would suggest that you join one as soon as possible. With regards to the way that your boss is treating you, document any incidents that are relevant, if it should come to a case of constructive dismissal, it will prove to be helpful to your case.

As suggested by other posters, go back to your GP, it sounds like he/she is being very supportive, stick it out for as long as you can, and continue looking for work, you had the strength to push your way forward before and find that current job, you can do it again.

I hope all goes well for you.

Horace

dmg24 is a retired employment lawyer and I have never known her to be nasty.

OP, having been in a similar situation with a bullying boss, I can sympathise with you. Have you considered making a formal grievance about his behaviour towards you?

Not wanting to be rude, but sometimes when you have been ill with depression you take things that are said more personally and think that someone is taking a swipe at you when they are not. I am not making excuses for the boss but running a business is extremely stressful in itself especially during this recession - every penny counts and time is money and it could be that he is worried about the business and the staff if work isn't completed on time - if the work isnt done, the business doesnt get paid and he can't pay the staff. I don't think he has been unreasonable in asking you to work full time either - he is thinking of the needs of the business. If he thought you were rubbish at your job he wouldnt have asked you to work full time - think of this as a positive and not a negative.

November5th

The only way to possibly explain my ex-boss and business owners behaviour was mental illness, it was so extreme. It is useful to you to know that this is the likely cause to help you not be associated with it. You are not in the wrong here.
Is there a way you can cope with this by merely using it as as a strengthening exercise while you look for another job?
I don't think just sucking it up is possible without long term damage.

dickydonkin

Horace wrote: »

dmg24 is a retired employment lawyer and I have never known her to be nasty.

OP, having been in a similar situation with a bullying boss, I can sympathise with you. Have you considered making a formal grievance about his behaviour towards you?

Not wanting to be rude, but sometimes when you have been ill with depression you take things that are said more personally and think that someone is taking a swipe at you when they are not. I am not making excuses for the boss but running a business is extremely stressful in itself especially during this recession - every penny counts and time is money and it could be that he is worried about the business and the staff if work isn't completed on time - if the work isnt done, the business doesnt get paid and he can't pay the staff. I don't think he has been unreasonable in asking you to work full time either - he is thinking of the needs of the business. If he thought you were rubbish at your job he wouldnt have asked you to work full time - think of this as a positive and not a negative.

Thinking of this as a positive and not a negative?

For goodness sake the OP is at her wits end due entirely to her boss and I would suggest that patronising her is unhelpful at best as well - what is positive about the suffering the OP is going through?

There are many business owners who are or have been struggling but the vast majority don't treat their staff with contempt and akin to something sticking to the bottom of their shoes.

When you are physically sick at the thoughts of having to even be in the vicnity of someone at work is just not on - totally unacceptable - and when that person is the controlling mind of the business - not just the OP's boss, makes it even worse - regardless of what pressure the employer or an individual is under - dignity in the workplace is not for compromise in my opinion - it costs nothing.

As for the grievance - I suspect that would come to nothing as the grievance would have to be dealt with by the offender himself - he is hardly going to discipline himself, although should this situation progress, having some evidence of attempting to resolve the situation may be of benefit in the long term.

In the short term however, based on the OP's post, it seems that this guy is a jerk and such an action may antagonise him and inflame the situation.

I am sure he is indeed thinking about the needs of the business, but his actions are surely counter productive.

Having a member of your staff off with stress is going to cost the business - as is low morale within the workforce. Keeping a happy workforce is more productive than insulting them.

Ihatecameron

The best way to deal with bullies who shout is say, "I can't hear you, can you speak up a bit please". Then watch as the explode in a tirade of abuse. Then say "calm down dear, you will have a stroke if you carry on like that".