Obsessed with Perfection....

meritaten

There is a very old saying 'Perfection belongs only to the Gods'...........and its the reason why every exquisite hand made Persian (and other's, but cannot remember which they are) rugs have one flaw deliberately woven into them.

I studied under a professor who openly said that he never gave a 100% mark in his whole academic career, as perfection once attained could never be bettered and would dishearten the student! just two views to counterbalance her argument that perfection can be reached!

Shanelle

Hi
Overwhelmed by the absolute reams of useful advice here. Thank you so much to all the posters for sparing your time x DD already was well informed that good marks alone wouldn't make her a promising candidate for further education and spends the weekends usually attending Canoeing, Painting, Poetry, Martial Arts, and Tennis clubs with me as the main taxi. I don't mind so much I wanna support her in her every pursuit. Recently she's been elected as part of the some Youth Parliament in the local neighbourhood club, so somehow I doubt she has a lack of hobbies. Although I can see how you got to this assumption. Her perfectionism is based around her eating in fact she is a total health freak, and always fits in her 5 a day and 7 glasses of water. Hmmm.... This does sound a little obsessive again, but I really should be promoting this.
I was never academic and never will be, or I doubt but I really flew through an ideal career and I'm earning a good wage, and she knows about my upbringing and my teenagehood. About the tuition, DD asked me if she could have some and I agreed. Tbh, I admit I should've thought about if she really needed it, but she seemed adamant that she wanted it and I left it at that

meritaten

Shanelle - your daughter asked for extra tuition and you as a good parent provided it. I wouldnt worry about that - tbh the tutor would tell you if they couldnt teach your child or was worried about her abilities.
To be honest it sound to me as if your daughter has an obsessive personality - handled rightly and she will go far - allow it to grow and consume her and she could be in trouble. sounds to me as if you are handling this right - making sure she has other interests and gets out and meets friends. You are aware of this arent you? OCD? Obessive Compulsive Disorder? normally associated with excessive handwashing or neatness or it can manifest as counting objects to the point where even the sufferer feels they are going nuts. Not saying that your daughter is OCD (not allowed to diagnose on here) but if you look it up - it may ring bells or may put your mind at ease!

Errata

Obssessive? Or highly organised, motivated and competitive?

Shanelle

meritaten wrote: »

Shanelle - your daughter asked for extra tuition and you as a good parent provided it. I wouldnt worry about that - tbh the tutor would tell you if they couldnt teach your child or was worried about her abilities.
To be honest it sound to me as if your daughter has an obsessive personality - handled rightly and she will go far - allow it to grow and consume her and she could be in trouble. sounds to me as if you are handling this right - making sure she has other interests and gets out and meets friends. You are aware of this arent you? OCD? Obessive Compulsive Disorder? normally associated with excessive handwashing or neatness or it can manifest as counting objects to the point where even the sufferer feels they are going nuts. Not saying that your daughter is OCD (not allowed to diagnose on here) but if you look it up - it may ring bells or may put your mind at ease!

I did actually consider this option, but her personality is generally obsessive in so many areas, where I thought OCD was pinpointed to a certain thing. She's organised in every element of her life: her clothes, her skin regime her day to day activities, but I've always thought of it as just who she is. It puzzles me to think where she got this from as I know her friends are averages and in class i'm quite certain there's nothing she'd classed as competition

Molly41

She may well go far but at what cost? IMHO you really need to be very vigilant particularly as the eating disorder Anorexia is closely associated with these sorts of traits. I can see myself in your DD 30 years ago and I burnt out in my early 40s and now suffer very poor physical and mental health.

Starrystarrynight

It sounds like your DD is putting herself under extreme pressure. I can't offer any advice but it's good to know that you're there to look out for her.

minimoneysaver

Have you asked her teachers how this manifests itself in school?

meritaten

Errata wrote: »

Obssessive? Or highly organised, motivated and competitive?

Errata, I dont often disagree with you - but I must point out that if it was the case the OP saw her daughter as just highly organised etc - she wouldnt be posting.
Something in her daughters behaviour is ringing alarm bells!

There is often a fine line where a behaviour can tip over and become a problem - the OP wants to head that off I think! and I think she is doing a fine job of it!

meritaten

Errata, I dont often disagree with you - but I must point out that if it was the case the OP saw her daughter as just highly organised etc - she wouldnt be posting.
Something in her daughters behaviour is ringing alarm bells!

I would be inclined to go with a mothers instinct.

There is often a fine line where a behaviour can tip over and become a problem - the OP wants to head that off I think! and I think she is doing a fine job of it!