Weekly Flylady Thread 25th April 2011

vanilla

Triker wrote: »

Just picking up on this....very powerful phrase that...I presume the CPN didn't quite mean to drive this into your head and it become firmly rooted as extreme emotional blackmail...but it appears it has.:(

I know when it was said it was more to tell hubby off as in he wouldn't last long without me and he should be glad to have such support. The CPN is very supportive and always backs me up even when it comes to hubby helping out, he see's how hard it is to hold everything together.

You do have choices hun, you just need to give yourself permission to see them, thats all.

Sometimes you just have to look at your future and make some decisions about what changes are necessary in order for you to have a happier life. Nothing needs to happen overnight but you can set the ball rolling.

I think what annoy's me the most is that we used to do all work together. Then he ended up spending the time sleeping with me doing the work and covering for him to his parents. Mind you i'v stopped that now because i was just allowing him to walk all over me.

Firstly you are very clear about how much power your hubby has...well his perceived power, but for me as you're the engine that drives the machine (family in your case) you, metaphorically speaking, have all the power sweetie, you really do.

I think at times i loss that and think hubby has the control and i have to go along for the ride.

So, what I'd do is start seeing your worth and start steering your family in the direction you want. It does appear your hubby can be selective about some of the issues that he chooses to deal with, opting out of being a responsible (to the best of his abilities) family member isn't really realistic...you can direct some action from him that either eases your position or reduces the stress your under.

The best of it is, he's capable of doing all sorts. He can cook, he can build anything, the list goes on and on. I only want abit of help from him. Even if he only cooked dinner once a week it would be great. I really don't ask for much but he knows if he leaves it long enough i'll go do it myself.

Take care hun....oh and I'd tell your son that his Dad has something to tell him about his bike as he did the deed, not you...you cannot protect him (hubby) from all his actions, its not fair on anyone.

I've already told him and ate him for leaving his stuff lying at his bum. He's not worried in the slightest...I think i must be doing something wrong with all of them.

Finally, come on....time to talk to his parents, they probably suspect anyways, why not have a frank discussion about the reality of life for you all at the mo...then collectively come up with a plan. Huge hugs hun. xxxxx

I think your right i'll go have a word and they can push him on abit. They are very supportive too but sometimes in the wrong way. They take him away to do stuff for them but it still leaves me doing all our stuff.

Right i best shift and get something done.

embb

vanilla I just deleted a long post that was basically saying what Triker has very calmly said, mine wasn't calm nor eloquent and there were quite a few choice swear words in there too lmao :rotfl: So, what Triker said my lovely xx

Been into town to do a few messages, I'm at work in an hour so I'm just gonna chill and leave the dailies to the sleeping teenie, and littley has promised to do her room this avo.

S&S kitchen
unload DW
reload Dw
take washing upstairs
^^^put away
sort tea
work 3 hrs
sort rabbits
do messages
hoover through

Want to get into the sheds and the garden sometime this week, I feel a skip run coming on.

cyclingyorkie

greenbee wrote: »

(((hugs))) vanilla - sensible advice from Triker. You need to think of yourself and the children - you can't look after everyone.

I totally second everything said by Triker and greenbee. It is time to talk to his parents about EXACTLY how hard your life is at the moment ..... and WHY.

The other thing is the effect that this stress must be having on you and the kids..... and trust me - the kids will notice the stress.

You cannot be 'blackmailed' into staying - this is where his parents really need to see exactly what is going on...

chrisfh

OK so what seemed like a simple level 1 - wipe down kitchen surfaces seems to be turning into a major spring clean of the kitchen. At least I can SEE the first surface though now! Time for a coffee I think.

Dustykitten

Morning all

First hugs for Vanilla and thanks to the wonderful community you all are. I echo the thoughts of others, especially Triker, you do have choices it is just allowing yourself to see them. We can only ever be responsible for our own actions in life, we can guide our children the best we can and help others out but we are all responsible for ourselves and to ourselves. Hubby is choosing his life. It was a choice to go BBShooting today. It is a choice to go to the football. He could have choosen t0 cut the hedge.. Sending your strength, you are doing a wonderful job in very difficult circumstances.

DS3 away on his trip. Just having a cuppa and then up to strip his bed and make a start upstairs. After lunch I'm sorting my wardrobe and drawers.

fedupandskint

Vanilla - I echo what Triker said - you must think about yourself and how you want your life to be - Triker put it much better than I could

As for me have deleted 73 favourites from my food recipe folder that were unused for a few years now and the favourites folder looks much better. I'm about to start a 2 hour assignment writing session, then lunch then kitchen list and then another 2 hours

Also found out some recipes to use up whats in the freezer - chickpeas and lamb
1. chickpea and cauliflower curry
2. lamb biryani - Fri tea

Just need to find out what to do with 2 herrings I bought a while ago reduced so will do this before I start!

seafarers_wife

I didnt get anything done in my 2nd HHC, spent all of it and most of the rest of the time talking to HMRC for OH. he wont speak to them at all and did the bare minimum then told me to speak to them :mad:

he now has a list as long as my arm to do whilst im at work hehehehe

right best scoot or im going to be late!

MissHiggerty

(((Hugs))) to Vanilla - and wot they all said goes for me, too. Do take care xxx

Well, the kitchen is looking better, and smells cleaner than it has in a long time... though DH has just bumbled absent-mindedly into the kitchen (he is working at home today). "Something smells nice! Been cooking?"

????:cool:????

Yeah - my speciality of the house: 'Gateau au sirop de Cif et bleach':cool::cool::cool:

<Inserts imaginary shrugging smiley here... I really miss that emoticon.....>

OK, so I've cleaned the tumbler cupboard, finished the dishwasher, cleaned the microwave, wiped over the oven/hob and wiped the bin lids; also emptied the compost bin so I reckon I can claim...
Tuesday~ Kitchen and Dining room
Level One
Declutter and mop/vacuum floor
Clear and wipe work surfaces half done
Level Two
Wipe units and large appliances half done
[STRIKE]Give one small appliance a good clean!
Scrub the oven and hob
[/STRIKE]
Level Three
Wipe the table, replace the cloth if needed and dust and deweb!
Descale irons, kettles, coffee makers etc
[STRIKE]Clean through the pan cupboard and sort those plastic tubs![/STRIKE] tumbler cupboard


Extras

1. Slop out the fridge..
2. Scrub the tiles
3. Pair up the odd socks!
4. Clean any pet bedding/poo trays/stinky tanks etc

Just glugging my tea, then off to finish cleaning and start some cooking. Fairy Liquid cakes, maybe, this time....?



MissH
xxxxx

Triker

Sad news for all us old punk types out there...http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-13193968


Better get a wriggle on, got to be out in a mo and my car is filthy, filthy, dirty so I'm treating it to a car wash.

MissHiggerty

Heading back now.... Anyone joining me till 12:00?

MissH
xxxx