Feeling Hurt and Mixed Up :(

Errata

Sounds like it's time you changed your mobile number once gain.

jackieglasgow

block him on FB then he can't even send you messages and continue these silly mind games. That's what he's doing, you know.

Harley80

I completely agree with the others on this thread. I would block all these ex's that keep messaging you on facebook from there. I would change my mobile number and start a fresh. If one of them does contact you, don't reply. Its far too easy too look back at past relationships with rose-tinted spectacles. Most relationships ended for a reason, but over time especially when you are more vunerable, newly single etc, its easier to think about the good parts of them, and forget about the issues that pushed you apart.

My advice would be as above, stop all contact with them, start enjoying being you, and enjoying time on your own and having fun. The right man will want you for you and theres nothing more attractive than seeing a confident woman enjoying being herself.

make_me_wise

ImDoingItForMe wrote: »

He hurt me mainly. practically everything except cheat and pysically hit me. emotional hurt. I know theres no going back because i wouldnt want to put myself through all of the mess again. Maybe reality just hit me at the weekend and ive been putting on a brave face infront of friends. In reality what he did to me he did to both of his exs and hell do it to another women i know for sure. People dont change. He said i hurt him by dumping him and i found someone else (that ended for other reasons) thats why im staying single for a long time. I know its the end and i have to move on and maybe its just hit me by seeing him.

This post makes it all make sense to me. You have seen him vulnerable, possibly for the first time since you split. What you most likely saw in him was a feeling of regret for how he treated you. It hurt him when you dumped him and moved on with someone else because he realised just how much he had lost.

It is easy to take people for granted when they are with you. Maybe you are the first person he has been involved with that has finally made him think a bit after a relationship ends.

That does not mean if you got back with him he would treat you any differently or ultimately make you happy though. As you say people dont change, not to that degree anyway.

It will be hard but dont go back. Keep it in mind that you are worthy of someone who will really appreciate you and make you feel good in a relationship

Bambywamby

In my experience, I have found the problems that broke the relationship in the first place always reoccur. People are habitual creatures and the chances of the relationship ending with both of you being hurt again is high.

When it comes to relationships, the mind is very good at remembering the good times and minimising the painful times, particularly if you are thinking of reigniting the flame.

At the moment you are feeling a little vulnerable as you have just come out of a tumultuous relationship. If you are to take it anywhere with this ex, I suggest you give it a few months before you act. Give yourself time to settle and find your feet again. If it is meant to be and he thinks that much of you, he will jump at the chance of being with you whether it be in 3 days, 3 weeks or 3 months. Good luck with whatever you decide. x x

meritaten

Do you miss HIM or the feeling of being in a relationship? sounds like you have had a double whammy and your confidence is low.
you need some esteem building! start now by telling yourself you are a good person and a good person will find you! then, build your life around YOU! you deserve it! I get the feeling right now you dont love yourself - I dont mean that in a selfish way, I mean it as nurturing yourself. (S**te I sound like one of those self help, happy clappy books - but unless you are happy in your self you are going to attract toerags!) Like is attracted to like hun, if you are happy successful and confident you will attract others like you.

meritaten

Are you sure you are reading him correctly? or projecting feelings on to him you WISH he felt! PERHAPS his OH WELL never mind attitude is actually how he feels - but he saw you and wanted to stir things up a bit? because he saw you react to him?
If you blocked the break up out of your head then perhaps you havent dealt with and moved on. you havent because you cant face anyone. Deal with your feelings - punch a cushion, scream into your pillow - smash something you dont like - but deal with those feelings hun! Then move on.

Pee

There is something inbuilty in a human I think to react this way when they find out an ex is seeing or is interested in someone else. Ok so she's not his type, but he fancies a ..erm, bed for the night and thinks she'll do. She probably will do. yes, he's hurt and upset and so are you - you are probably bringing issues from the failed interim relatiosnhip into how you are feeling now - but you will get through this. You thought he was the one for you, but you now know much better and wouldn't put yourself back into that poor situation again. Of course it'll be hard if he sees this girl or any other girl and you'll wonder what has she got that I haven't, but the anser is, if she is with him for any length of time, a lack of self respect, and you wouldn't want that would you?

[Deleted User]

Pee wrote: »

There is something inbuilty in a human I think to react this way when they find out an ex is seeing or is interested in someone else. Ok so she's not his type, but he fancies a ..erm, bed for the night and thinks she'll do. She probably will do. yes, he's hurt and upset and so are you - you are probably bringing issues from the failed interim relatiosnhip into how you are feeling now - but you will get through this. You thought he was the one for you, but you now know much better and wouldn't put yourself back into that poor situation again. Of course it'll be hard if he sees this girl or any other girl and you'll wonder what has she got that I haven't, but the anser is, if she is with him for any length of time, a lack of self respect, and you wouldn't want that would you?

This is so true, i didnt want to hear what my friend said about him txting other women. Of course i know hes had other women that doesnt hurt, what hurt was him blatantly acting the way he did infront of me then my so called friend reliving every moment of it to me whilst i was at work. To be honest if they do get together hell soon realise what a lady i was and how i behaved in public. But in the end i ended the relationship because of the way he was towards me and thats what ive got to think about. I hurt him by ending it, but ultimately he hurt me by the way he was in the relationship. Thankyou for writing the last sentence, its making me see sense and reality. I need to think with my head and not my heart.

meritaten

ImDoingItForMe wrote: »

Just an update i felt i had to write. The evening seemed to be a set up from my opinion. We were all in the same place together, which wasnt a coincidence as were not all out at the same time and never have been, and he made it quite clear to me in his actions he was trying to make me jealous. He is seeing the girl he was talking to. Ive also heard this so called friendof mine has spread rumours about me she might or might not have got from this ex. Im in my 40s for god sake. Ive cut all ties with the lot of them this week and even though i was going out with a completely different set of friends tonight we were going to the same place. So i decided not to go. I feel like ive been set up and have been really hurt over this. They all deserve eachother. I think this was done to get a reaction from me, but its backfired. Ive blocked him on facebook and he hasnt got my number and i wont be contacting him i dont need to. As for seeing him about ile just ignore him and walk away.

Sounds like you have a very healthy 'mad' going on! GOOD! I hate it when people think they have the right to play 'mindgames' with you! I think you are doing the right thing hun. people can only upset you like this if you let them!