DFD Coming soon....but at what cost?

Silverstar

It's been quite a while since I did my law degree, and I can't remember a lot of it, but I seem to recall that equity law will look at what you paid into the mortgage, and you should have some rights to the house because of it, if the assumption was that you were both contibuting towards a house that belonged to both of you, even if it is only in his name. It happens, or used to happen, a lot that married couples would both contribute towards a house, but it would just be in the husband's name, but the wife still had rights to the house legally because of her contributions. It might be different if you're not married - I'm not 100% sure.

Take what I'm saying with a grain of salt, because, like I said, this is going on vague memories of lectures at university, but it'd be worth trying to find out about. Talk to someone much more knowledgeble about law than I am!

spamalot

The property may be jointly owned by the cohabitants. A Deed or Declaration of Trust may have been prepared to set out the shares that each person owns in the property. If this is not the case, then being awarded a share in the property will depend upon the cohabitants’ ability to establish ownership. This must be based upon either a financial contribution (such as paying the deposit for the purchase of the property) or a common intention (i.e a firm agreement between the couple).

This was on the following website:

http://www.clmsolicitors.co.uk/newsitemCohabitants.htm

If I was you I would not move anywhere right now until you've got your head together. What is the rush on his part? Once you are out of the house it will be very difficult to hold him to any promises. It might be a good idea for you to go to the Citizens Advice Bureau and get a better idea of rights.

This happened to a friend of mine. She contributed towards the mortgage and house for ages and then when she split up with her partner he hustled her out of the house before she knew what was what. It was only months afterwards she realised what she was entitled to but by that point it would have taken a long and expensive legal battle to get results. She lost a lot of money that would have helped her to start a fresh.

Don't rush into any decisions.

The_Pink_Wafer

I need to get out for my sanity (and his to).

I don't think I am entitled to anything, but I will check it out.

He's letting me stay for this month, but I'm not paying anything, so that's £200 saved. He's going to write me a check for £2000 which will clear the debt and leave me with a little extra and his parents have said that they will put a deposit for me down on a flat. Which is very nice of them, I think they feel bad for me! So...things aren't so bad. Especially when his mother has said that if I would like to learn to drive, she will GIVE me her car. Unfortunately, haven't got the cash to learn, otherwise it would be wonderful.

Looking at what I've typed...I'm actually well covered to begin with. But its the following months, with my low wage I'm going to find really difficult. The ex OH has told me to ask for a pay rise...but I don't think I've been in the job long enough. Of course, they were prepared to pay 18k for my job and I'm only getting 12k (as not experienced) but perhaps they would bump me up to 13-14? I just don't feel I can ask.

Argh, I feel really sick with worry.

magnolia65

The_Pink_Wafer wrote:

I need to get out for my sanity (and his to).

I don't think I am entitled to anything, but I will check it out.

He's letting me stay for this month, but I'm not paying anything, so that's £200 saved. He's going to write me a check for £2000 which will clear the debt and leave me with a little extra and his parents have said that they will put a deposit for me down on a flat. Which is very nice of them, I think they feel bad for me! So...things aren't so bad. Especially when his mother has said that if I would like to learn to drive, she will GIVE me her car. Unfortunately, haven't got the cash to learn, otherwise it would be wonderful.

Looking at what I've typed...I'm actually well covered to begin with. But its the following months, with my low wage I'm going to find really difficult. The ex OH has told me to ask for a pay rise...but I don't think I've been in the job long enough. Of course, they were prepared to pay 18k for my job and I'm only getting 12k (as not experienced) but perhaps they would bump me up to 13-14? I just don't feel I can ask.

Argh, I feel really sick with worry.

Sorry but it may just be me being too suspicious on these things but I'm thinking ex BF and his parents seem to be being rather nice to the point of maybe too nice.

Just out of interest is there much equity in the house now?

CFC

As far as your job goes, if they were prepared to pay 18k and you've proved yourself in your first three months (as opposed to just learning it all and still being a trainee) you're in a position to very nicely ask if some renegotiation is possible.

As far as the house goes, you are entitled to some money, as you are well aware, but you would need to prove that you contributed and how much you contributed, because the house was in his name. That's sometimes easy and sometimes not. If you get a decent offer from him and his parents you may be better to take that as you'll not be in a position to enforce any rights you do have via the courts. (not enough money).

You could pop into the CAB and ask them. On the other hand, when it happened to me, I didn't want to face a legal battle which is what I would have had to be prepared for. I preferred to take my dignity and independence with me and exit.

The_Pink_Wafer

Right...feel sick with worry and stress now! Actually sitting here at work crying right now.

He has now decided that he won't pay the debt as he can't afford to. It's not the fact he's not paying it..it's the fact he said he would and then wouldn't. Everything he said that made this situation seem that tiny bit more bearable he's now going back on.

His mother is still going to put a deposit down for me, but I'm worried about the debt now. I was going to increase the payments, now I can't as there just isn't enough money.

I told him that I was going to seek advice from CAB and he said if I did that then I could count on no help from him and his family as it's like throwing it all back at them when they're trying to help. But I need to keep my head afloat. But I don't want to rule out getting back together one day, but at the moment, I need to live.

I'm sorry...I'm just really unhappy right now and feel so desperate!

Imelda

Oh my god Pink Wafer, that's terrible news! What a rat!

You should definitely seek legal advice, I understand what you said about maybe wanting to get back together but you have got to put yourself first. If it is meant to be it will be no matter what you do now.

It sounds like you have a good relationship with his parents, could you speak to them, maybe they could give you the lump sum?

My ex-OH's parents actually packed my things (including dirty laundry) when we split up, they couldn't wait to be rid. Should see what he has landed himself with now, I bet they rue the day I left (sorry bitter moment there!!)

ZTD

The_Pink_Wafer wrote:

Right...feel sick with worry and stress now! Actually sitting here at work crying right now.

Don't worry. You'll be fine. First you need to focus on your priorites - which is to find accomodation that you can afford. Don't sign on the dotted line until you have everything else sorted - but you do need to look.

The_Pink_Wafer wrote:

He has now decided that he won't pay the debt as he can't afford to. It's not the fact he's not paying it..it's the fact he said he would and then wouldn't. Everything he said that made this situation seem that tiny bit more bearable he's now going back on.

He's trying to grind you down by making you unsure of where you stand.

The_Pink_Wafer wrote:

His mother is still going to put a deposit down for me, but I'm worried about the debt now. I was going to increase the payments, now I can't as there just isn't enough money.

I told him that I was going to seek advice from CAB and he said if I did that then I could count on no help from him and his family as it's like throwing it all back at them when they're trying to help. But I need to keep my head afloat. But I don't want to rule out getting back together one day, but at the moment, I need to live.

Don't tell him hat you're going to do! Why should you - unless you wish to threaten him? "I'll go to the CAB" is hardly a quiver in your boots kind of threat. Just do what you do - he doesn't need to know.

Find out what the CAB have to say.

I would be wary about the mother's deposit. I'd bet you'd find out in a few months time it was a "loan" and not a "gift" - anything to get you out of the house.

The_Pink_Wafer wrote:

I'm sorry...I'm just really unhappy right now and feel so desperate!

You are actually in quite a reasonable position. You've paid half the mortgage for some time (I assume you can prove this), so you have an interest in the house. You may be in the situation where you own part of the house, so he can't sell without your permission - but the mortgage is in his name and he is liable for it.

In the situation where he wants to sell, he will have to pay to take you to court to force you to sell, then he will have to pay you some money from the proceeds. Neither of which I'm sure he'd like.

But go see the CAB, and keep quiet until you have real information to go on.

AMILLIONDOLLARS

If I were you, I would not budge until you know what your rights are, total up what you have paid into this house, you will need this to negotiate a settlement. He can't throw you out onto the streets after a month, that why I suspect his parents are offering to pay down your deposit on a flat. You do have rights, its about time you exercised them. Down to the CAB on Monday, take the day off if needs be. You must not make yourself intentionally homeless or else you will not get any help.

My thougths are he has the money, he just doesn't want to give it to YOU, I reckon he is hoping to hang on it, possibly to do some DIY once your gone, or to help him pay HIS mortgage, tough!! If he wants you gone, let him pay for it:mad: .

As for the possibility of him taking you back? his actions does not suggest this, if that were the case, he would have paid you your £2000 up front and not demanded that you be out in a month his actions thus far are not those of an honourable man with some feelings for you, so don't be suckered into this way of thinking, he'll probably say anything to get you out with less hassle.

At times like these a girl needs to keep her head, worry about your heart later when your settled.

Good luck
AMD

immoral_angeluk

Haven't got any better advice than what's been said above but thought you could do with a nice 'group sex' hug..:grouphug: