DFD Coming soon....but at what cost?

The_Pink_Wafer

Well...due to a change of cirmcumstances, my DFD could be coming sooner, a lot sooner, than I thought.

I have split with my boyfriend and have to move out of the house we share. He has offered to pay my debt (he is serious) to help me on my way.

So...that's a relief in some respects.

But at the same time, now I have the problem of finding someone else to live and I don't know how I'm going to stay afloat now. The mortgage is in my ex partners name, so I am not entitled to anything, legally.

Feeling very upset and so stressed out (I didn't want to split) that I can't even feel relieved about the debt being cleared...

themaccas

Oh Pink Wafer, that's really sad news. Do you have some time to find somewhere else to live or is he wanting you to leave asap? It's good that he has offered to clear your debt, make sure he does it soon before he changes his mind!

Things probably feel very raw right now but try not to get too stressed, things will evolve and work out you wait and see.

hugs
x

cattie1

oh dear, that's very sad news, but I've always been told "everything happens for a reason" and "it will all come out right in the end"
I hope everything works out but for now-I know it's hard-try to focus on the positive. xxx:grouphug:

Storm

Oh honey, sending you a hug :grouphug:

I guess as he's offering to clear your debts it's along the lines of him giving you something back for contributing towards the mortgage payments. If you don't think it equals out I guess you could try asking for some of the furniture etc.

I hate moving too (just did it this weekend) so all I can say is try and take your time to find somewhere new, and if you're sharing - trust your gut instincts on potential flatmates.

Storm x

Imelda

ooo Pink Wafer,

Really sorry to hear about your break up, I went through a similar thing a couple of years ago and had to move home to my mum's. It was very traumatic.

To look at the positives, you will be debt free and you can have a fresh new start. I will give you some advice though, I went a bit wild when I was newly single, went out all the time, bought loads of clothes etc I only avoided debt because I lived at home and paid very little rent. Be kind to yourself.

((hugs))

The_Pink_Wafer

I've paid about £5000 into that house over the last couple of years, the same amount he paid. So in some ways, I think it's only right that he does clear the debt...esp as the settlement figure is only around £1800.

I'm worrying about being able to rent with my credit rating as someone told me they check. I feel absolutely sick with worry and been in tears pretty much all day.

I really don't want to rent a room. I hate my own company, but I like my own space. I like spending an hour in the bath, soaking among bubbles and reading books. Sharing a batheroom...it would be selfish to do that. I don't fancy the squabbles over the milk etc. Or house parties.

Can't afford to go by myself though. Not a happy bunny.

climbgirl

Rental agencies will check your credit rating usually, yes. But renting privately they don't always do that, my landlord certainly didn't. Not sure which part of the UK you're in but try websites like the gumtree, moveflat.co.uk, places like that.

I'm afraid you might have to swallow your pride a bit and move in with people too, especially if you can't afford to live on your own, no sense in getting into more debt because of it. Living with others can be fine, I've been sharing houses for longer than I care to remember now (it's over 10 years, I've moved around the world a lot!) and I've never had a really bad experience (touch wood). You have to make compromises, yes. But it's not all bad. So don't write it over for reasons like squabbling over milk and sharing a bathroom. Those things can be easily sorted.

FerociousDave

I'm sorry to hear about your sitaution, can't offer much apart from to let you know that we found our house through https://www.torent.co.uk (or something like that) and it has been absolutely perfect, although this is because we have a nice landlord.

Hope all gets better soon

CFC

Really sorry to hear about your situation. Apart from the extreme sadness of the situation, you've put in 5k and taking out £1800. That's where being married makes such a huge difference. After I had a similar experience, I swore I would never live with someone again without that bit of paper....

magnolia65

Reading your opening post on this thread PW I assumed you had already talked about your situation on here before so looked at your previous posts and found this

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showpost.html?p=3403078&postcount=1

Outgoings: Rent/mortgage (mortgage is in my partners name, I couldn't get on it, but still contribute) £200

I'm assuming by how you wrote this that you bought the house from scratch together? If so then I think you need to look into this and where you stand financially. It just wouldn't seem right to me that he is having most of the house and you are just getting 1,800 out of it just because you couldn't be named on it yet you may have been involved from day one of the purchase.

The_Pink_Wafer

Hi,

The house situation is a funny one.

His parents originally took the mortgage in their name. We paid our money into their account and the mortgage payments came out of their account, if that makes sense?

Come September, my ex OH took the mortgage into HIS name and his parents came off it. I was unable to get onto it, but have made the same payments as him.

His parents lent us £15 000 to get the house to begin with. I didn't pay anything up front, but I've paid the same amount into it as him.

I was upset and said I wanted something back, but I'm not entitled to anything. He says that the money I paid every week is technically "rent" though it went towards the mortgage.

Thank god the debt is going, I'm grateful for that, but I'm unbeliveably sad. I'm thinking of taking a week off work as I feel I can't cope.