parent buys daughter a house.

shegirl

max123 wrote: »

First thank you everyone who replied to my question. secondly you are right to say that my son may want his savings, he is nearly 16 and this money was from his late father. i would however need his money and my mums to afford my house. My son could have a vested interest in the house, and when im gone its his anyway. I could also get an evening job and loan to pay my son back. Say 14000 over 14 years. my father has said i will see you ok, in what i inherit off him. der ( getting desperate now, but true ). without both my mums savings and my sons we cant afford the house. I would be making myself unavailable for work and caring for mum, who does need 24/7 care and is desperate to live with me and not go in a home. firstly i am doing the state a favour looking aftewr mum instead of them doing it, will save the social services a fortune long term, and mum would have all her prayers answered. it may sound greedy, but its either me or social sevices that have it, and mum wants me to have it and to live in my house,with her own room. incidently if i let mum down or it doesnt work social services will take my house to pay for mums care, regardless of it being in my name, as it was mums money that would have paid for it. the worst bit is using my sons money, i couldnt ask for a better son, but when i die i have nothing to leave him, this way he inherits my whole house, one day. and is very likely to get his money in the next ten years as well. if i really believed i was doing mum or my son an injustice , i would forget it, and stick her in a home!

The fact that the money is your sons late fathers too makes it sound worse to me.But that's me and I couldn't dream of doing such a thing.BUT if you want to then talk to your son,don't do it without talking to him and making sure that he fully understands what he could do if he was to have his money and what he will be missing out on for many years and the fact that you may never be able to pay hi back (that's a lot of money to owe anyone and to think of taking 14 years to pay it back to him?!?!?!?I would be disgraced with myself to be honest). I'd say don't even consider it until you have discussed it fully with your son,without trying to make him feel bad either.Don't do that at all or tell him it's best for his gran,that would be like emotional blackmail

McKneff

I dont understand why you cant just move into your mums house, it then frees up a council house for some family who have been on the waiting list and their needs are greater than yours.

Yes, I do think your doing your son an injustice, he is being put on the spot, no matter what he says, he may need it to move out and live on say when he is 18, yu really dont think he is going to be with you till he is nearly 30, he will prbably have made you a grandma by then and will need the money before that for a wedding, house etc.

Sorry if its not what you want to hear but yes, I do think youve got your eye on the main chance.

max123

i could get an evening bar job, and ask bank for a loan instead of my son. but if we didnt meet the repayment s me and mum and my son would be in trouble. it is true i have got my eye on the main chance so that i can see my children ok later on in life, when im not here. also i am desperate for mum not to go into care, as she wants to be with her family. they are both important. i will never financially gain really as i need the house to live in, but when im gone my son gets it all, literally loads, together with his sister, who incidentally doesnt want to put her money in from their father, so i have exceped that, and i respect her decision.

moomoominx

surely the idea of taking your sons savings from HIS late father is unthinkable - he is 16 and the world is just opening upto him -and you say about getting an evening job to pay back your son? whos going to take care of your mother then - hardly fair on your son if you want him to do that - take his money then turn him into a carer? maybe im wrong? i would of thought the easiest way all round is to move to your mums house - and free up your council house to another family - then you wouldnt have to take your sons savings AND your mothers - if your mother is elderly then im sure that £18,000 will come your way in time.And ive also seen for myself how hard being a full time carer can be - and to give everything up is a huge step - and one that needs serious thought - all just sounds like a headache to me - your son is 16 - and it wont be long before he moves on with his money to start a new life - and again - moving into your mums makes sense? the stress of selling the house and getting to grips with the saving etc just seems silly when you could make life so much easier for yourself? you'd inherit the house anyway - so this way you'd be in it allready - full time caring is stressfull enough without feeling guilty about your son being owed money .

ska_lover

Are other family members happy with this- such as brothers and sisters of yours? Do you work at the minute?

I am afraid it comes across that you are taking a bad situation and looking to make a profit from it for yourself - and then live on benefits in your free house having rinsed your family dry. You say you will not profit - how do you work that out? You will go from having a council house and rent to pay each week, to owning a house outright - that is some large profit there.

What if your son wants to go to uni? You say you will pay him back, after ''you no longer need to care for your mother'' - I take this to mean you will wait till she dies? you will get a job and pay him back?So say if she lives another ten years and then you get a job paying your son back at a grand a year over 14 years, your son will be 30 before he gets his cash back. Get real. That lad would not have a chance in hell of seeing that money again, and what use is paying him back at a grand a year? £1000 per year is not the same as having a lump sum that you can use for , say a house deposit LOL for him, or a big purchase, £1000 a year would just get swallowed up in living expenses most likely.

This could cause major family arguments now and for years to come.

ViolaLass

max123 wrote: »

you are right to say that my son may want his savings, he is nearly 16 and this money was from his late father. i would however need his money and my mums to afford my house. My son could have a vested interest in the house, and when im gone its his anyway.

It is not your son's problem if you can't afford to buy a house without using his money. You don't NEED to buy the house. Proposing to pay him back over 14 years is not on, in my view. That's a very long time and he is likely to want to use the money well before then. I don't think it would be fair to put him on the spot by asking, either.

You say you would be saving the state money by looking after your mum, but I question that if they have to pay you benefits. Paying someone to look after your mum in a residential home would be cheaper.

You don't need to buy a house. You could stay where you are and look after your mum there. Buying a house with your son's savings to avoid getting a mortgage because you're not sure you'd pay it back doesn't sounds like a great plan - what if he wants his money back earlier? What if you can't pay him?

annie123

max123 wrote: »

. firstly i am doing the state a favour looking aftewr mum instead of them doing it,

But are you doing what's best for your mum?

There are many types of care needed in old age, have you discussed this with her social worker? if not, do so now, they have to agree that you are able to provide the care she needs.
If they agree that you can provide for her needs then there is no need for urgent action on either property as both you and her will be entitled to additional state benefits.

You may not be able to care for her 24/7 with the best will in the world but trying it for a few months will give you both time to see if it does work for both of you.

It would seem from your first post that you are worried about a care home taking what you see as 'your money' in the future.

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/CaringForSomeone/CareHomes/DG_10031523

I personally don't have a problem if it does have to be sold to pay for her housing, otherwise its tax payers money that has to pay instead.
Or to put it another way you are asking every tax payer on mse to contribute to your mothers costs because you don't think she should.

There is lots of info on the web all about the situation you are in, I know because I'm going through a similar thing with my mum at present.

I hope you find a solution that looks after your mums needs.

max123

my mums property is a 1 bed flat so we cant move in there

shegirl

max123 wrote: »

my mums property is a 1 bed flat so we cant move in there

Then let her sell and move in with you BUT KEEP HER OWN MONEY and YOUR SON KEEP HIS OWN MONEY.

Why the heck should she have to give you her money and your son have to give you his money just so you can buy your house?Why on earth would it mean you'd need to buy it?You wouldn't,you just want to and I find that greedy and disgusting.If you want to buy your house wait for your inheritence and pay for the rest yourself!!!!

ska_lover

I totally agree with Shegirl - why does buying your own house come in to it? The problem is your mothers care nothing else.

In my opinion I think you need to ask yourself if you would have her live with you, and devote your life to her care, if she had no money or assets.