My home is a mess

YORKSHIRELASS

Hi all

Its nice to come on here and see the same old faces - I must make an effort to keep up with you all. My contacts with the outside world are few and far between and its actually quite comforting reading about what other people are cooking for tea or that they have hung their washing out in the sun. If that makes me sad I dont care.

I have had to sit myself down and give myself a bit of a talking to. I have got really disorganised trying to juggle the different bits of my life and spent most of last week in a constant muddle and close to tears. I have made a rough timetable of when I am going to do things and its helping.

Things with my son are pretty awful, his anxiety is really bad and its hard to deal with. I wish I could help him more and it breaks my heart to see him struggle with the most ordinary things in life.

Anyhow, the sun is shining and I am off to take my dog down the fields and breath in some big deep breaths of fresh air!

Have a good Friday afternoon everyone x

bearcub

Evening messies.

Great news, gilly, about your return to work. Just take it fairly easy, although I've no idea what you do. Just be careful, please. So many CDs! I have quite a few (OH rarely buys them), and they're mounting up, but not nearly as many as you have.

Alec e, how lovley to have a deep clean, although we did have our lounge carpet cleaned not long ago - then got two young cats. Hmm, maybe bad timing. Anyhow, you'll have a lovely fresh smelling house! :T

YL, somehow I'm not at all surprised that you've been feeling so down. The last time we 'spoke', I felt that things weren't too good with you. I know how awful it feels to not be able to help your child - been there myself, although my DD was older. Big <hugs> to you, but I wish they could be real ones, rather than virtual. Your DS's illness is primarily physical, though, isn't it? I'm gald you had sun today - it's been tipping down all day here, so much so, that the mainland disappeared.

DD2 has now gone back to the mainland, to stay overnight with her older sister. I miss her already, although it's much quieter (she's not the quietest presence!). We had a lot of laughs - actually had a pillow fight on Tuesday, which left both of us helpless with laughter. So silly, but so much fun! :rotfl: Since lunchtime, when she went, I've done one WM load, and cleared up the kitchen. I cleaned the bathroom this morning, as usual.

sonastin

YL - sorry things aren't going so well at the moment. I wish I could give some advice but I'm afraid I don't know what to say! Hang in there, I'm sure it will get better eventually. Your DS will come through the anxiety if he knows you are there for him.

Bearcub - I think we might need a trip down to hampshire soon. OH is getting homesick and keeps moaning about life oop north. Maybe taking him south to see the island will revitalise him. So perhaps I'll have to wait until the weather clears a bit! The risk is that he won't come back with me if I take him down there.. although if I take him to his mothers he probably won't be able to leave fast enough :rotfl:


My plan for today is...
1) laundry (first load in WM, 2 or maybe 3 more to go)
2) clean bathroom
3) visit grandmothers
4) have a clearout of clothes that I don't wear. I have limited wardrobe/drawer space atm and some stuff has been stuck in suitcases in the loft "temporarily" for a couple of years. I plan on clearning out the stuff I won't wear that are clogging up the storage space and then maybe I can do some "shopping" from the loft - it'll feel like new clothes after all this time. If I get to the cases, I'm gonna be ruthless about what I want to keep from them too!

Wish me luck...

procrastinator

alec_eiffel wrote: »

I think your post will ring true for many people, it does for me. I used to be the same. My house was full of junk and things that needed to be done and there was I wanting to do all these things, full of ideas, fat, skint and I will admit it here - lazy. I thought all the advice that I'd read about getting organised was a load of old cobblers, suitable for other folk and not for me but then someone on the radio said "why not try another way if your way clearly isn't working" and so I did.

It took months and months to sort through my stuff, to access rooms that we couldn't get into, to get into a laundry routine so DH never had to go out first thing in the morning to buy clothes to wear for work and to be able to have the curtains and blinds open at the front of the house so people weren't horrified when they went past. But it goes. And the more you do the more you want to do (not just talking about getting organised) and the more you realise you can ditch the guilt and do what you want because the balance of doing what you have to do and doing what you want to do starts to switch.

Motivation doesn't arrive, it catches up with you once you've started doing things. It can happen! I do the most important things first thing in the morning then it frees up the day for fun stuff and other less important things. Please please tell me what these are. Sounds too simple to work but it does.
Laundry was a big problem for me too, all the stuff you use is out and about and all the stuff you don't is hanging in the wardrobe, shove it in a bag and let it go, free up the space for the things you do use. If you throw something away nothing bad will happen.

You hit so may nails on the head...
OK been thinking over all your replies since week. Didn't get out in the daytime but did go to see a show in the eve...that had been booked weeks before.
This week I have managed to vacuum my room, the stairs, hall and downstairs. Not much but it feels better being done. I don't have a problem doing the laundry - its the only job I don't mind, however I do have a problem of where to put it once its done. My furniture is old and breaking, half the drawers don't work, they're over stuffed. I never seem to have enough to wear. I wanted to go out and shop for work wear, but it didn't happen. I had so little money for years I couldn't afford to buy, now I work longer hours and both have the funds and the need but still can't allow myself to buy. When I do go and I try things on I end up going home in tears, where did this overweight ugly person come from. I cannot yet come to terms with who I see in the mirror. So many issues.

This morning one lot of washing done and on airer - to misty for outside yet. Not sure what else to do....everything! Where to start....please enlighten me to what are the important things and how to get these done in the morning before I go out.

Buffythedebtslayer

procrastinator wrote: »

You hit so may nails on the head...
OK been thinking over all your replies since week. Didn't get out in the daytime but did go to see a show in the eve...that had been booked weeks before.
This week I have managed to vacuum my room, the stairs, hall and downstairs. Not much but it feels better being done. I don't have a problem doing the laundry - its the only job I don't mind, however I do have a problem of where to put it once its done. My furniture is old and breaking, half the drawers don't work, they're over stuffed. I never seem to have enough to wear. I wanted to go out and shop for work wear, but it didn't happen. I had so little money for years I couldn't afford to buy, now I work longer hours and both have the funds and the need but still can't allow myself to buy. When I do go and I try things on I end up going home in tears, where did this overweight ugly person come from. I cannot yet come to terms with who I see in the mirror. So many issues.

This morning one lot of washing done and on airer - to misty for outside yet. Not sure what else to do....everything! Where to start....please enlighten me to what are the important things and how to get these done in the morning before I go out.

I agree totally with Alec's post, I do have to start before motivation - which frankly never really shows up but I do think that might be depression however I do know I feel better (or less guilty about feeling low) when my room and the conservatory are tidy. Mum isn't going to Florida this year so the rest of the house is depressing me.

any how what I really wanted to say was about the clothes shopping.........I basically ended up doing what you did - the coming home with nothing because I think I am the size of a house etc.

Any how the best decision I made was 1. Embracing that I am the size I am 2. Ignoring what "size" I am and buying what fits,

Also I shop online loads, can get it delivered to work and will pay extra for weekend delivery. I hate shopping.

Finally tho for when I am feeling HUGE I have 4 copies of the same dress with leggings which look ok for going out in and that is what I wear. Work wear is strictly black/brown/dark red or dark blue clothes - skirts and v necked tops.

Yes I do look the same and quite boring but I feel like those clothes are my armour against the world when I am feeling crappy. I do buy other clothes if I see something I like but I have the basics to go to back to.

Hi all by the way xxx

alec_eiffel

procrastinator wrote: »

You hit so may nails on the head...
OK been thinking over all your replies since week. Didn't get out in the daytime but did go to see a show in the eve...that had been booked weeks before.
This week I have managed to vacuum my room, the stairs, hall and downstairs. Not much but it feels better being done. I don't have a problem doing the laundry - its the only job I don't mind, however I do have a problem of where to put it once its done. My furniture is old and breaking, half the drawers don't work, they're over stuffed. I never seem to have enough to wear. I wanted to go out and shop for work wear, but it didn't happen. I had so little money for years I couldn't afford to buy, now I work longer hours and both have the funds and the need but still can't allow myself to buy. When I do go and I try things on I end up going home in tears, where did this overweight ugly person come from. I cannot yet come to terms with who I see in the mirror. So many issues.

This morning one lot of washing done and on airer - to misty for outside yet. Not sure what else to do....everything! Where to start....please enlighten me to what are the important things and how to get these done in the morning before I go out.

Well, what the important things are will be different for everyone. my DH doesn't care what the rest of the house looks like as long as the floors are done for example. My "minimums" as I call them that I think are the most important things (bearing in mind there are two people, no children and two house rabbits) are -

1. Make the bed, my bedroom was the biggest tip and so it was the first thing I worked on (2 minutes)
2 . "swish and swipe", wipe the bathroom sink when we've finished in the morning and wipe the loo, squirt cleaner down if needed. (1 minute)
3. tidy bunny area, just a quick sweep and a wipe over with a bit of vinegar and kitchen roll (2 minutes)
4. washing up, wash up, dry and put dishes away, put washing up bowl away and wipe the drainer (5-7 minutes, less if we both do a bit)
5. Wipe kitchen worktops (1 minute)
6. Two minute tidy down stairs, which means clear off the dining table, coffee table and worktop, chuck junk mail in the recycling etc (2 minutes)

When I've done those things then I can leave the house or do whatever without thinking they need to be done when I get in.

Less important things, again that depends, some things bug people more than others - cleaning carpets, dusting light fittings, hoovering under furniture rather than just the bits of the room you can see, cleaning on top of the fridge, cleaning windows and mirrors, organising books in alphabetical order. For me all that stuff doesn't interfere with my day to day life or getting stuff done, it's all stuff that can be done as and when or never.

With the clothes, I agree with Buffy, buy what fits and don't worry about the size, order online then at least you can be calm and at home when you try them on.Wearing things that fit means everything is easy to wear and you don't feel as self conscious. Get shut of anything that doesn't fit. Getting rid of the stuff that's clogging up your drawers will help you to see what you have, rather than feeling like you have nothing to wear you could find that if you have a wardrobe of only things that fit and only things you like (not things you're sentimental about, are aspirational purchases, could fit into one day etc) will help outfits suggest themselves to you. I currently own 50 items of clothing, including coats and stuff. I never have nothing to wear. I used to have about 5 times that and sometimes "had" to wear pyjamas all day :rotfl:

Do you have someone in your life that's handy if you're not? A bit of glue or some nails could help hold your furniture together a bit better so they serve their proper purpose. Or as you say you have a bit of spare cash but can't yet bring yourself to spend it on clothes why not treat yourself to some nice storage, a new dressing table or something. That way you'll at least be displaying the things you have to their best, other than when you're wearing them of course. Things looking good and cared for in the cupboard makes them look like more of a treat to wear which is all about being kind to yourself which is what it sounds like you really need just now.

YORKSHIRELASS

Thanks for the hugs everyone. Just done some paperwork for my voluntary work that I have been putting off for ages. In my head I had made this a massively complicated task so I have been ignoring it, even though that I have been carrying around that niggling feeling that it needed to be done for about a month.

So I sat myself down with a coffee this afternoon while everyone else is out and got on with it. An hour and a half later and its done. Wasnt difficult at all and what a great feeling! I am terrible for putting things off like this.

Alec that was a great post. I really do think there is something about doing a little each day and prioritising what needs to be done that makes a huge amount of sense. I never go to bed without the sink and draining board being clear for example, so even if the rest of the kitchen is a mess I can get up in the morning and just focus on that bit that looks clean and tidy!

Oh and as for clothes I know its really cheesy to say its whats inside that matters but its true. I made a decision to scale down the clothes I own (I rarely go out unless I am dog walking anyway) but the things I buy now I buy because I love them. I would rather have a few lovely things that I look great in than lots of stuff I am not sure about that I bought because they were cheap.

Ah well, off to hang the washing out and potter about for a bit. Enjoy the rest of the afternoon everyone.

snookey

Hello everyone glad to see your all still here . Iv not been on for a while and the house shows it,ie,a tip. Iv just spent an hour cleaning the kitchen .Yorkshire lass sorry to hear that your ds is so unwell. Your still plugging away though and thats good. Im going to try and do one room at a time . Iv a mountain of clothes need sorting and putting away, drawers need sorting, curtains changing,windows cleaned ect,ect. Take care everyone.

bearcub

Evening Messies.

Re clothes. I've not been a great clothes person since I left my twenties, and since we downsized, we just don't have space for lots of clothes. As it is, our lifestyle now means that I'm mostly dressed in jeans or jods and sweatshirts, with some smarter trousers and tops for smarter occasions. My most valued clothing is my warm padded waterproof coat, along with a couple of pairs of very comfortable walking shoes. Not elegant, but very practical! I'm not sure, in retrospect, that I ever really did need all the clothes I used to own.

YL, lovely to hear that you're feeling a little more positive. A job completed can be quite therapeutic, can't it? And I so agree about the little important jobs. With me, it's cleaning the bathroom and the hob.

Hiya Snookey! Good to see you back again. Remember, one step at a time!

Sonastin, whereabouts in Hampshire? Let me know when you're coming down and I'll wave. Our DD1 lives in Pompey, and I'm due a visit over there, but she's also due a visit over here. i bet nothing actually happens until it's almost Christmas.

sonastin

OH is from Hillhead - the bit of the mainland directly opposite Osborne House - I'll let you know when we're coming down and I'll give you a wave from this side of the Solent!!

Cleared a black-bag worth of "good" clothes from the wardrobe and another half-bag of rubbish clothes that aren't worth CS-ing and wrong fabric for OH's rag-bag yesterday. Also managed to get the socks out from the back of the drawer so now it will close. (who makes drawer units that you can't remove the drawers from without taking it apart?!) Haven't faced the suitcases upstairs yet - "shopping" from them can come later!

Today I'm going to tackle the big cardboard box in the corner. From what I remember, it contains shoes and handbags and I reckon most of them can be thrown away. Pretty good chance that they are all mouldy anyway - corner smells damp at the moment so needs addressing sooner rather than later. Just need to figure out what to do with the ones (if any) I want to keep. Decidedly short on shoe-storage in this house! Never thought of myself as a shoe person but I appear to have far more pairs than I realised. OH is already complaining about the shoes in the hall which have migrated there through wearing so god knows what I should do with the ones I don't wear often (i.e. functional and/or dressy!)