Asking wedding guests to pay for their own meals???

jtr2803

Part of me says this is fine and part of me says it is not. I think it's the assumption that they would have given you that amount of money as a wedding gift that just doesn't sit right for me if I am honest.

I think the suggestion of a set meal (just a main is fine) with you providing a toast drink is perfect if you want to do this, people can then chose to eat/drink more if they wish to. I think you probably need to make it clear that it's an 'informal' do and no new frocks required or similar , that way people wont feel pressed to get a new outfit AND then pay out for the meal.

Most of my close family and friends wouldn't have a problem with this but I expect there would be a few people who would not come and you have to accept that.

Best of luck

Sammy85_2

Hi

Im with a few of the others here, not completely against the idea, but something just doesnt quite sit right.

It all boils down to the cost i think. £25pp is just too expensive. I wouldnt pay that for a 3 course meal normally. If it was £10 for two courses and then desserts were optional on the day to be paid with seperately along with drinks then i think that would be a sensible price and something most guests could stretch to. (maybe £12.50 with a glass of fizz included) The assumption that as a couple we could afford £50 for a meal is just too far. I understand it is in lieu of a gift, but our gift most likely wouldnt have been of that value.


I would word your invites something along the lines of "following the ceremony we will be going to so-and-so for our first meal together as husband and wife. We would be delighted if you would like to join us. There is a set 2 course menu available at £x per person including a glass of x"


HTH
x

shellsuit

If the people you want to ask are all very close then I don't see the problem.

If they're not, ie not someone you speak to once a week or see once a month, then I wouldn't bother asking them.

If someone close to me was having their wedding like this, I'd go in a flash, but if it was a not so close relative or friend, then I'm sorry but I wouldn't pay £20/£25 for a meal, for me and my husband, then pay for drinks for us both too, not to mention travelling there and back, mainly because we wouldn't be spending £40/£50 on a present anyway ~ people not that close get £20, people close get £50, or something to the same value.


I really do think you're best speaking to your family and friends first though, as you know them, not us.

I like te idea someone else had of asking everyone to join you for drinks, that way, if they can to eat, they can.

aliasojo

Sammy85 wrote: »

Im with a few of the others here, not completely against the idea, but something just doesnt quite sit right.

I think the 'something just doesn't quite sit right' bit might be down to the fact people are being asked to pay for someone else's choice?

If they were able to make their own choice with regard to if or what they ate etc then I think no-one would mind? As it stands, the OP is making the choice but asking the guests to pay. I think that's what is making some of us feel a tad uncomfortable with the idea?

Maybe? :undecided

hayley11

I am doing this for my wedding.

I have put a little card in with the invitations saying "in lieu of a gift, we would appreciate a contribution of £10 per adult towards the cost of the evening reception" - all of the guests were told about this before we sent the invitations and none mind. We're only having a very small wedding so it's not like we're asking distance relatives etc. for money.

We're not asking my OH's work colleagues or my college friends, as we don't feel we know them well enough and wouldn't like to assume they would buy us a gift.

Impet_Limpet

My mum and stepdad did something similar back in 1990 I was only 9 at the time!

They worked 3 jobs, rented a tiny 1 bed flat (with a double bed and bunk beds in!) and barely had any money! Everyone appreciated they were skint.

They had the wedding at the registry office. Then afterwards just said informally "we're going to the pub for a meal" you are welcome to join us but you'll need to pay for your own food and drink.

I think it was nice as people could order what they preferred and pay for their own.

We should have done it for our wedding gah!!