Asking wedding guests to pay for their own meals???

RainbowDrops

It all depends on the situation really, if a close friend was getting married but couldn't afford to put on a meal, I'd rather pay myself and share their special day than miss out.

Just because people get married, they shouldnt be expected to put on an expensive party. The main reason to marry is for the union, the booze up afterwards is a nice way to celebrate it, but certainly isn't the most important aspect.

mr_bounce

Depends how good you want the day to be I suppose. You could ask for money from your guests. Assuming you get at least £20 per person/couple you could then use that money to pay for the food.

Do a deal with the pub for a buffet, you might be suprised what you can get for £600-800!

foxymum1977_2

this is exactly what we did when we married in 1999, we had absolutley no money as we were starting out together and had a young child, we had a meal for around 20 of us in a local restaurant & had arranged with the restaurant before hand that the meal would be £10 per head and then the dessert extra, people understood and payed for themselves!
i think most people would surely!
although the whole wedding was done on a very tight budget and family had contributed to flowers,dress etc for us! so people understood that we had NO budget for any type of reception!
hope you get it sorted,x

trying_2_b_good

Thinking about this further, I should add that I'd be perfectly happy to do this for a friend. But family who I see once a year, I'd probably think it was cheeky (although I'd still go).

roz84

Ok, can I just add, that we are planning to put a couple of bottles of wine on each table, and that the menu is set, and for a 3 course meal its about £20-£25, which is cheaper than a lot of things i've seen on friend's wedding lists before! Nobody will be expected to split the bill, we will just ask that those eating will let us know beforehand and they will only pay for what they eat... Nobody who is coming will be travelling far except for one friend and my sister, and they are all genuinely close friends who i'm sure wouldn't mind - i just really don't want to offend anyone or make us look like tightwads. Oh, and to the poster who suggested we have a 'do' at home :rotfl:we live in a tiny two bedroom flat with no garden!

elsien

As a guest I don't think I'd like the idea.
I understand your arguments and that it's instead of a present. But it somehow just doesn't feel right - I don't know why and I can't particularly rationalise it. I think it may be because even if you say no presents I just don't feel right not taking a token something along, so a meal on top of that seems a bit much.
As I say, my point of view may not make much sense, but you wanted opinions from all sides so here's mine for what it's worth.

LEJC

In principle I still dont really see there being a problem with your proposal...although if it were me I may be tempted to try and lower the price per person ...I understand and agree with you that £20-25 is less than the cost of gifts on wedding lists...but once you double up the cost for a couple...is it still acceptable to ask them to contribute up to £50?....if you are comfortable with this and you dont feel that your guests would mind then thats fine...
alternatively you could look at just a starter an main and use your wedding cake as a dessert...

We recently attended a birhday party of a family member(I felt it was not an option to decline the invite as it was close family and in doing so would have offended) and were asked to pay £30 per person which we did...myself,my husband and our 13 year old...who was classed as an adult for the billing purpose....it was a nice night out,and a lovely meal but I must admit that I left feeling as if in paying £90 for the 3 of us I may have preferred a cheaper meal as I would never have spent that much on buying a present...

narabanekeater

one of my best friends is doing this this Aug. Im currently pregnant and shall have 3 children by then. She also has a no children rule and I shall be breastfeeding
Were really worrying about it to be honest. The meal is £35pp so £70 for us as a couple plus drinks. The £70 to be honest is more than what we can afford as a present. Weve also got to pay someone to look after the children and work out how I can feed the baby.
It is your day after all but what I would say is please do not get upset if even those close to you do not attend.

Charliezoo

I personally wouldn't mind paying for a meal at a friend's wedding if I knew they couldn't afford it themselves. I have to say though that I would phone all my guests individually to explain the situation before sending out the invites - just makes it a bit more personal and lets you explain in your own way.

I'm not sure if £20-£25 per head is that reasonable really, not everyone will even want to eat that much food! Can't you maybe just have something like a selection of bread and olives to start, a choice of 3 pub meals for about £10 each and then your wedding cake for dessert? I would have thought you could negotiate a good main course price with the pub as you'll be bringing in a lot of business for them that day!

evespikey

Personally I think that if your friends and family can't accept that you're on a budget they're not much of a family or friends!!

But however I think you should phrase it exactly as a poster suggested above on your invites i.e "We are eating at X afterwards and would love for you to join us." But then a week after u send the invites, ring every family to check if they got the invites, get their rsvp and clarify that the meal is optional, if they'd like to come you would love it, and everyone will be paying for themselves just like on a regular meal out.

It does all sound a bit complicated tho...to make it simpler to stop yourselves worrying, why not just restrict the number of people on the invite? Those who love you and want to be with you will come and pay their way. I'd do it for any of my friends and family, but saying that, I don't have much family. And I guess pick a restauraunt that doesn't have meals over x amount will help keep costs down too! Or one that is BYOB (personally that's what I'd do).