Asking wedding guests to pay for their own meals???

RainbowDrops

From the original post....

roz84 wrote: »

We already live together and have no need of household things, however are on a very tight budget and, as its only close family and friends (no more than 40/50) that will be coming anyway, would it be rude to ask them to contribute towards their meals INSTEAD of having a wedding list?

aliasojo

MrHippo wrote: »

It kind of sounds ok but I think you need to give your guests more flexibility rather than just expecting them to pay a set amount. The great thing about pubs is, you don't *have* to eat in them. Wouldn't it be better to go for drinks and let people choose if they want a meal?

Then you can say "We'll be celebrating our marriage in The X pub and hope you can join us for drinks. The X also has a range of reasonably priced food if you want to eat there.

Although I suppose with that many people the pub will want to know in advance how many will be eating...that could make it tricky. But maybe you could ask people to let you know if they'll be eating.

I think £20-25 per head is a lot for a pub meal, I pay that for 2 mains + 2 pints in my local.

I think this is a really good suggestion.

fawny

Hi,

For a good friend I would be happy to pay as long as I was only paying for what i've had. You will just have to be prepaired for people not to come because they feel it's too expensive & don't be upset by it. The same way we have had to accept that by getting married abroad which is what we want to do means a lots of people who would have come in this country can't & won't because of money & work(I have about 5 teacher friends)

trying_2_b_good

ska_lover wrote: »

Congratulations on your wedding!

how about having something like a hog roast, or chip in all the women in your family to create a buffett?

Good sentiments - but are you really that sexist?!?!

jellybabes

We went to a wedding last year and we were asked to pay for our own meal afterwards, we didn't mind paying at all. It was a quiet intimate wedding, with just close family and friends and was one of the best wedding I have been to. It your special day and am sure family and friends won't mind paying for a meal to share it with you.

Kittendreich

I wouldn't be that keen on having a full on wedding breakfast (at a set price) and having to pay for it - it doesn't give people much choice if they are on a budget. I'd go for someone close, but might be annoyed if they had a fancy dress / photographer / decorations etc, but couldn't feed their guests.

However, a work colleague had a church wedding and then they paid for the wedding party (12 people) to go to a hotel for a meal. They then invited 70-odd people to an evening 'do' (that did have a buffet) and stated in the invite that you were welcome to come and see them married at Xpm at such-and-such church and that they would be eating at X hotel and that you were welcome to book your own table there. It kept them in their budget and allowed anyone who wanted to join them could, but everyone could spend what they wanted (i.e. no meal, just a drink, cheap main only, full three courses).

If you do go for an non-traditional arrangement be very up front about it, think about those who won't be able to afford it and don't be offended by people's reactions.

geri1965_2

We did this when we got married. We had a registry office do, which everyone was invited to, then close friends and family came for a meal (it was very cheap, less than £10 a head). In the evening we hired a room in a pub with a disco for those who didn't come to the meal. We didn't ask for presents although some people wanted to give them anyway.

McKneff

trying_2_b_good wrote: »

The problem I would have with this would be that I would be worried how the bill would be split. If I wasn't drinking alcohol & others were ordering lots of wine, for example. If it was split equally, I would have to pay a lot more than the value of my own meal. I would feel more comfortable if I knew it was a set menu with a fixed price, and we paid for our own drinks at the bar. might be tricky with 50 people though...

Above is speaking from experience of big meals where I've purposely not ordered steak, while others order the most expensive item plus lots of sides etc.

Must be clear that I'd be happy to do this as a concept - think it would make a lovely wedding - but as I said, it's how the bill is split that is the issue!

I agree totally with this, we went to a 60th party and someone decided to just split the bill. Im not a big eater but there were people there who were just pigs and ordered the most expensive food, 3 courses, whilst I had a starter which was quite large and it was enough, the pleasure of it cost me £25 and a lot of resentment afterwards.

And personally, I would just think you were being tight and mean if you invited me to your wedding and asked me to pay for my own meal,

abis21

I think its absolutely fine.

We were invited to a christening along the same line - they wanted everyone there in church, and they wanted to go for a meal afterwards. They have 3 girls, and not a lot of money - so obviously they couldn't pay for everyone. They had (close) people back to their house afterwards but it isn't a big house.

I completely understood, and didn't mind paying at all. It was a 3 course meal, and there was me, my partner and my daughter, and I think it cost £60 + drinks for us all (which we went up to the bar for and all paid seperately).

I would rather do that, and see my friends and their beautiful girls get christened and join in on their special day.

I would spend that on a special meal, like going out for a birthday or whatever, so it was no way out of budget. We had enough notice about it all.

Why should they feed us?! We had the option to say no, or to go and feed ourselves at mcdonalds or wherever. But it was all lovely. And it all worked out fine.

Think there is sometimes too much emphasis on what is 'expected' and times have changed these days. Parents don't always pay for weddings, people getting married might already have financial commitments - houses, children etc. I don't think you should have to follow tradition. So I say go for it

ska_lover

trying_2_b_good wrote: »

Good sentiments - but are you really that sexist?!?!

Are you really that judgemental???!!