Asking wedding guests to pay for their own meals???

roz84

Hi, my partner and I are planning to get married at fairly short notice (the end of july!), we are planning to do it in the local registry office and have a meal at a local pub afterwards. We already live together and have no need of household things, however are on a very tight budget and, as its only close family and friends (no more than 40/50) that will be coming anyway, would it be rude to ask them to contribute towards their meals INSTEAD of having a wedding list? This would be made clear on the invites!

I have seen some people recoil in horror at this idea, but is it really that bad???

emsbet

I don't think it's that bad and wouldn't mind paying if the couple wanted that instead of a gift. I know some people would be horrified at the suggestion and others wouldn't mind at all especially if they know your financial situation. You know your guests best so you are in a better position to say which category most of them fall into. Maybe bring the idea up in conversation with some of the guests and see what their opinion is?

xx

PolishBigSpender

Why not invite fewer guests but pay for their meals yourself?

ERICS_MUM

Personally I would just have a small "do" at home, with beer/wine and a small buffet. You'd have to cut back on the numbers though unless you live in a mansion !

As a guest I would find it a bit odd, but I wouldn't refuse or make a fuss about it.

If you can work out a way of asking people, then go for it. I'd be useless, make a complete fool of myself!.

Congrats on your marriage :beer:

trying_2_b_good

The problem I would have with this would be that I would be worried how the bill would be split. If I wasn't drinking alcohol & others were ordering lots of wine, for example. If it was split equally, I would have to pay a lot more than the value of my own meal. I would feel more comfortable if I knew it was a set menu with a fixed price, and we paid for our own drinks at the bar. might be tricky with 50 people though...

Above is speaking from experience of big meals where I've purposely not ordered steak, while others order the most expensive item plus lots of sides etc.

Must be clear that I'd be happy to do this as a concept - think it would make a lovely wedding - but as I said, it's how the bill is split that is the issue!

LEJC

I do remember a thread on this previously where the bride and groom did something similar...it might be worth trying to find it....I cant remember the posters name but someone else might...I think it was the girl who sister got married...they sent a poem or explanation with the invies detailing the situation and from what I remember it was a great sucess.

I guess it all depends on how your friends will take the request...and also that you respect the decision of those who dont want to attend the wedding as a result of the request...
Personally if it were valued friends who invited me I would happily attend

If you were to have a set meal that everyone paid the same amount then that may work out easier than trying to split a bill....perhaps you could look at including the first drink maybe or a fizz toast.

gordikin

Err...you live together....you decide to get married....you decided who you want to be present....and now you want them to pay for it

RainbowDrops

As others say, you know your guests better than we do.
I think if I was going to a small do, I wouldn't mind paying, unless the B&G had chosen a really expensive restaurant.
If you do do this, choose a reasonably priced place, maybe with a set menu?
The wording to your guests would be important too. Maybe saying something along the lines of "we're not able to put on a formal wedding breakfast, but will be eating in the XXX Restaurant afterwards, where we'd love you to join us."
If you can get a set menu, include the details with the price, and maybe even suggest that it would be handy to gether together the money before hand to sort out the bill.

A nice gesture would be to provide wine with the meal, to save the issue of splitting drinks bills. Then if guests want anything else they can go to the bar.

neilcrook

Personally, i wouldn't want to be in your shoes when the older generation figure it out. My aunty suggested this and i easily and swiftly dismissed the idea - mainly because a lot of our guests are travelling and are people who would 'make the wedding' and i would not want them not to come due to financial worries (and i think she assumed we had less budget than what we have )

If i was invited to a wedding where i was asked to pay my own, i would - but only if they were close as my personal situation is that i temp and may not be able to afford it on the day.

It totally depends on the people you are inviting <<< What if you asked for a contribution towards the cost of the meal and split the bill? Might be a way around it? It's down to the wording of the request. I would put the feelers out there and see how many ppl would realistically come if they were asked to pay - that'll give you an indication as to whether it is worth it or not.

It would be cheaper to provide a buffet - maybe at a social club?

Oh i just don't know! Good luck though.

Torry_Quine

Personally I would be very angry at this suggestion. You invite people to share your day without any expectation of getting any financial payback including lists of desired presents. If you can't afford to feed that many people then invite less or have a different food arrangement but never ask the guests to pay.

PrincessDonna2009

roz84 wrote: »

Hi, my partner and I are planning to get married at fairly short notice (the end of july!), we are planning to do it in the local registry office and have a meal at a local pub afterwards. We already live together and have no need of household things, however are on a very tight budget and, as its only close family and friends (no more than 40/50) that will be coming anyway, would it be rude to ask them to contribute towards their meals INSTEAD of having a wedding list? This would be made clear on the invites!

I have seen some people recoil in horror at this idea, but is it really that bad???

First of all Congratulations on your forthcoming Marriage!

Me personally would not be bothered at all paying for my meal at a wedding, if I was told I would not have to buy a wedding gift...But if someone stated I had to pay for my own meal at a wedding and then excepted a gift then that would be cheeky, in which you are not doing, so that's ok...sounds ok to me.

Maybe you could just have a buffet, therefore you could have everyone eating at your expense, as normally you only cater for like 75% - 80% of people anyway, so if you had 50 guests, I would only cater for 35 people max. Therefore you can still have a wedding guest list. Just another option. See if you can get a pub that do 2 meals for £10 and therefore you can enquire if they can corner of part of the pub, because they know they are getting at least 30-40 people eating anf make money on drinks as well! Worth a try..

I do hope you get something sorted soon and quickly lol