life is getting me down

ajaney

ailuro, that is a great post & sums up my feelings - you may have to be prepared to say you will leave & do it if he wont seek help

meritaten

kirstiex - do you go to the same gp as your oh? even if you dont, you should go to your gp and tell him whats going on with you. you really need to talk to someone hun. and if its the same gp as your OH all the better. Your OH needs professional help. So do you. You CANNOT continue to live like this! you love your OH obviously, but you are NOT helping him! You are NOT helping yourself either! now, you need to help yourself first, and then you can help your OH! See your GP hun. first thing.
your post made me cry - if you were my daughter I would be bundling you into the car and taking you home! Now get help!

Sambucus_Nigra

Where is he staying when working away for a week? If it's in a B&B then it must be the cleanest B&B in the UK....

If it's in a hotel it matters not a jot - people come and go there and are in and out of hotel rooms all the time; why is it different at home?

pigpen

Go to the GP together.. him for help and you for help. The GP can tell OH that this situation is making you ill.. I am surprised you've not had pneumonia or worse going over winter with no windows! Is it the frames or the glass needs replacing? I had my 3 huge kitchen window replaced and it wasn't ridiculously expensive.. £1100 and they are big!! I know it is a lot of money.. but your health is worth it.. it truly is.. and if OH doesn't like it.. tough..

I'd not give him time to talk or discuss or argue.. I would sit him down TELL him you are getting the windows sorted for a start and he has an ultimatum.. get help or your health means you cannot stay with him because he is making you ill, that you don't want to go because you love him, which is quite clear from your post but that you cannot stay.. it is almot abuse expecting you to live in unhygeinic, freezing cold, damp conditions while he swans off for a week in a nice clean warm hotel..

He has to get sorted or you really can't stay... one way or another you'd end up dead.. how would your mum feel then?????

You need to do this for your own sake.. if he loves you then he will be prepared to face the consequences of his actions.. or inaction..

Sort the GP appointments.. make the GP sort OH's CBT or whatever and you get yourself sorted.

Best of luck

FatVonD

Can you tell him that you want at least part of the house to be comfortable/inhabitable while you're waiting for the rest to be done? Tell him you're taking aside one (or 2) rooms that will be 'done up' by tradespeople to make it comfortable enough to live in as a halfway house until he gets the rest of the house done then he can revisit that room (or rooms) and do it 'properly'. Get a proper window and heating in that room and live, eat and sleep in it if you have to!

Then get him to a doctor!

quantumleap

I agree with pigpen. The time for discussing has long since passed. It really is a case of reassurning him that you do love him but that you simply can't go on the way things are. Tell him you are making arrangmements to get quotes for the work that urgently requires doing - and that your intention is to get the work done as soon as financially feasable. Make a joint appointment with the GP and tell him you need him to go as he needs to understand how his illness is impacting you, your health and your future.

If he refuses any or all of these ideas make it clear that you will leave (again, as soon as financially feasable). As pigpen says, do tell him you don't want to but explain that you simply refuse to live the rest of your life in this way!

Good luck.

podperson

You really need to spell out to him that you can't live like this anymore - it's bad for your physical health (it's a wonder you haven't caught pnemonia going the last two winters we've had with no windows!) and it's seriously upsetting and stressing you out.
Maybe give him one last chance and say you are going to be getting some quotes for having the work done and he has two weeks to do it himself or you are getting a trademan in. He just doesn't seem to be taking your issues seriously at the moment - you're at the end of your tether and he just thinks you're 'nagging'. I would try one more time to make him see that and if he really can't then I'm sorry but you might need to start thinking about what's best for you rather then carrying on like this forever more.

louise3965

Do you have any benevolent funds attached to your work as they may be able to help with the cost of the windows?

And you really do need to get your head round whether you are able to live like this. If he wont help himself, then you cant help him and you need help yourself. I feel for you, its a horrible situation to be in x

belfastgirl23

This might be useful to you

http://www.ocduk.org/ffc-advice

One of the things I noticed there is that by enabling or reinforcing your husband's OCD behaviour you are actually strengthening it. OBVIOUSLY not saying his OCD is your fault!! But it might help you to think about things from this point of view. This current situation is not only affecting your own mental and potentially physical health but is also creating the conditions for the very behaviour you wish to address.

I also think that until your husband takes steps to help himself, the situation is unlikely to get any better. And I think this would be the sticking point for me, if he was unwilling or unable to get help and other stresses were as bad as you describe then you will need to start putting yourself first and looking at other possibilities.

As a starting point you could encourage him to have a look at the OCD UK website and give their support line a call. Or you could call them yourself.

dangalf

OCD can be horribly debilitating, and it certanily sounds like it is impairing both of your lives. If he is unwilling to go to the GP to do anything about it then he needs to at least make some other efforts to deal with it. One book that is highly recommended is "Brain Lock" by Jeffrey Schwartz. This should give him the CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) tools to try and address the issue. However, I have to say if he is unwilling to recognise the extent of the problem I think eventually, painful as it may be, you will have to look after number 1.

Also, this may help if he feels anxious or embarrassed about the GP visit

http://www.ocduk.org/pdf/gpvisit.pdf

Good luck!