Should this be happening at school?

jodie114

I have a 7 yr old ds.
For the last few weeks we have been getting reports back from his teacher that him, and a few of his friends have started talking about thier private parts - not explicitly (goolies etc).
To me, this is normal, especially for little boys together. I also know there is a lot of boyfriend/girlfriend things going on in class, holding hands etc.
On friday my son got a charge for copying a mate putting his socks down the front of his trs and laughing, i understand this is an issue, but to me its a natural and curious part of growing up.
Are they due to have any kind of "growing up" talk at all? It seems lately the whole class is getting in trouble for what, to me, is curiosity, not naughtyness or inappropriateness, the teachers have not explained what is acceptable, just what is not, and have given no explainations or reasoning.

sueeve

What exactly do you mean by 'in trouble'? In what way are they being punished? I think if she is guiding them into more appropriate public behaviour that's fine, and presumably she is asking for your support in that. I would expect a 7 year old to be taught about not doing this is public, and if he is ignoring this then it's disobedience which is the problem.

Plans_all_plans

I wouldn't personally be happy if my 7 year old daughter came home talking about how lads in her class were putting socks down their trousers etc. I don't personally find that appropriate from a 7 year old: maybe an 11-12 year old who is becoming more aware of changes down there etc, but at 7 I think that's a bit odd behaviour myself.

It also would depend on how often they speak about goolies etc: if it's really a lot, then I do think the school should have words. The odd comment about their private parts is natural, but not if it's a lot.

I do think that if the school find it an issue, that they should explain to you and the children the whys and wherefores of their reasoning. It could be that another parent has complained and that's why they are taking it further.

jodie114

a charge in his school is fairly serious. three in a half term and they get a class exclusion for 3 days to a different class.
The problem i have is that they have always been explained to us as for violence, spitting, swearing etc and to me there is a clear difference. I am not saying my son should not be told, and of course he is guided at home, but since it seems to be a class wide problem (and quite possibly a year wide one) i was wondering if they were 'due' a chat.
We are quite prepared to have a chat with him, but little boys will always copy mates, and will always snigger at farts and private parts and if they are not all being explained to as to what is happening to them etc, its hard to control individually.

Alikay

I think school were right to put a stop to it as it IS inappropriate in the classroom. However it's also fairly normal for little boys (and girls) to"talk rude" and find toilet and genital stuff highly amusing. Back in my day (1960's) it was quite common to disappear into somebody's shed or wendy house for mutual inspection, exchange of rude words and sharing of myths about birds n bees. It was a bit of silly rudeness, and no-one ended up being abused IIRC. These days kids don't have the freedom for that kind of unsupervised play or mischief.

I'd treat it as if he was caught out doing anything else silly like pulling faces or generally clowning around: The classroom isn't really the place for it, and the teacher needed to put a stop to it before others joined in!

January20

The children may be curious but they need to learn that there are places where such behaviour is not acceptable. A classroom full of other children in not in my opinion an appropriate place!

I would like to add that in my experience of 7 year olds, it's not really normal behaviour. At that age, I find boys tend to have their hands down their trousers/ shorts a lot but don't seem to be talking about it a lot - well, not the 7 year old boys I know!

ETA: how about having a frank discussion with your child, tell him -oh shock horror! - that you agree with the school and explain to him what is appropriate and what is not?

jodie114

i appreiciate its inappropiate and we have had words, we have explained what is happening etc, and i just feel it needs reinforcing on a wider scale.
He is not talking about it non stop and it is not in class particually, mainly playtime and on this occasion, in the hall when they had singing practice, when they all were standing there holding thier socks anyway.
He has always been quite advanced physically and i don't think that is helping, he already sweats, and has slight body hair but we have been to the doctor and been told its normal. Who would we talk to if this does become an issue, the school have been less than helpful. Is there a school nurse anymore?(i have never heard of one since he started school) or a behaviour person that coul help us discuss these things with him?

barbiedoll

My son and his friends went through this, although there was no trouble at school because of it, luckily for me!

I found that the best way to deal with this behaviour was to teach my son the "proper" names for his bits and pieces. I can remember spending one afternoon, telling him the correct name for all of our body parts (not just the rude ones :rotfl:) and he absolutely fell about laughing at the word "testicles"! We dealt with words like "urine", "faeces", "breasts", "navel", "clavicle", "abdomen" and his absolute favourite...."flatulence"

When he was about 7 or 8 I did catch him with a ruler, measuring his *ahem* length. He was quite unabashed when I found him and told me that his mates were all measuring theirs as one of the boys had come to school and told them that his measured 7cm. I told him that boys (and men) quite often told fibs about such things but that size didn't matter, as long as it works. He said, "Oh yeah mum, I know it works and anyway, when I play with it, it gets bigger" :eek::eek:
That's when I told him to speak to his dad!!! :rotfl::rotfl:

They may get a rudimentary lesson at his age about their "private parts" but you should probably speak to him about doing this sort of stuff in front of girls. Boys don't really see girls as being different to them, at that age they will quite happily laugh about this stuff, whereas the often more mature girls, of the same age, will get offended or think that the boys are perverts. They will moan to a teacher and the boys get scolded for, what is for them, normal boyish behaviour.
It does sound as though the teachers are a little uptight though.

Plans_all_plans

I don't think it needs to be made a big deal of with specialised talks/behaviour people. At 7, a simple talk about boys and girls being different and that as they get older they'll change even more should suffice really. You should also tell him that if he has any questions about 'growing up' he can always come to you and ask. But, I'd emphasise that school is not really the place to be talking about private parts as they are private. As he moves more directly into puberty, there are good books aimed at youngsters that you can read/give to him to give you ideas on how to elaborate more.

jodie114

plans, can you suggest any good books aimed at the younger market... i looked in a couple of bookshops and in our local libary but came up with nothing inbetween very young childrens books, and full blown adult explanations.

Flyboy152

jodie114 wrote: »

a charge in his school is fairly serious. three in a half term and they get a class exclusion for 3 days to a different class.
The problem i have is that they have always been explained to us as for violence, spitting, swearing etc and to me there is a clear difference. I am not saying my son should not be told, and of course he is guided at home, but since it seems to be a class wide problem (and quite possibly a year wide one) i was wondering if they were 'due' a chat.
We are quite prepared to have a chat with him, but little boys will always copy mates, and will always snigger at farts and private parts and if they are not all being explained to as to what is happening to them etc, its hard to control individually.

I think the school needs to review its disciplinary terminology and attitudes to punishment, to be honest. Calling a sanction a "charge" is hardly very productive and sets them up to accepting such things in later life. Do they talk about being, "up on a charge," as if it is something to be proud of?