Argumentative 8 year old, please help me :(

jeanniebeanie_2

Try to secretly video some of her behaviour and play it back to her. You can then discuss with her (later when you are both calm) how she sees herself and how she would deal with someone who was speaking to her in that manner.

Savvy_Sue

pinkmami wrote: »

God help me & DH when she actually hit puberty!

One of my friends suggested that DS1 was having his teenage rebellion young. To a certain extent, he was: we had some clashes when he was 16 or so, but it really was quite mild compared to how argumentative he had been!

thatgirlsam

jeanniebeanie wrote: »

Try to secretly video some of her behaviour and play it back to her. You can then discuss with her (later when you are both calm) how she sees herself and how she would deal with someone who was speaking to her in that manner.

I really wouldn't recommend this

I know she is only 8 but she could feel really violated at this action from someone she thinks she can trust

OP Its a stage that will pass, very annoying at the time but she is finding her own mind and testing the boundaries of which you have to stand firm!

Moominmamma

I really sympathise OP, my 8 year old DD can be massively hard work too, I am astounded sometimes by how she speaks to DH and I and just seems to want to start an argument over uttely trivial things - the last biggie was over her steadfast refusal to put a pair of gloves on!! (Yep, I realise just how ridiculous that sounds!) I too have just sat and cried on more than one occasion, and wondered what on earth I've done wrong...

When I talk to DD after one of these episodes and ask her why she acted the way she did she says she doesn't know and just finds it hard to control her temper. Whilst I'm disinclined to "make excuses" for her there genuinely doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason behind her flare ups and I'm beginning to wonder whether maybe, at least in part, it's a hormonal thing and so to some extent genuinely beyond her control - have you considered this at all with youd DD?

Anyway, best of luck with getting things sorted, I know how upsetting it can be

M x

TUS

My 8 year old son is going through the same phase ... well, has been for the last 18 months or so anyway. Ignoring the bad behaviour has worked for us in that it has began to "tame" his attitude a bit. He now knows that he won't get the rise out of us that he once was able to .... and he knows there will always be a consequence.

We are also always always always 100% consistent in going through with consequences. Never ever change your mind or let them off if you have set a punishment for bad behaviour.

Gingham_Ribbon

Some kids need more help than others to deal with certain things that other people take for granted. While the nurture group is trying to unravel possible causes for her change in behaviour, I would suggest that you have a look at these 2 books.

'How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk.'

The Explosive Child. (Ross Green)

With a 4 week old baby, you can't possibly be expected to handle everything. Can her dad talk to her about what's happening?

jeanniebeanie_2

thatgirlsam wrote: »

I really wouldn't recommend this

I know she is only 8 but she could feel really violated at this action from someone she thinks she can trust

I was not advocating a public showing of any footage, merely an opportunity for her to see herself as others are seeing her and a calm, private discussion with her mother. When she is in a hissy fit, it is unlikely she realises how her behaviour comes across, few of us would.

Raine_E_Day

At 8 years, I doubt she would fully understand the reason behind secretly filming her. She could feel betrayed and unsure of who she could trust, so I agree with thatgirlsam.

My suggestion (with hindsight - monster daughter years ago!) would be to try a 'special' time of day for just the two of you - just 15 mins or so would do if pushed for time. Hugs, cuddles, nobody else in room. Talk about something different - what you did as child, memories - photos. Look at garden together, books, anything really. But try and do it every day.

Stick with the consequences for bad behaviour - but keep it separate.

kevana

my ds is 10 in july and we are currently dealing with a major attitude problem. he does have a tendancy to speak to myself and dh like something dragged in on the bottom of his shoe and hates not getting his own way. i do think some of it is hormonal and some is a bad mix of genes and some of it seems to be exactly how most of the rest of the children in his school are acting.

A couple of examples of ds's behaviour from last nights battle include - smacking himself over the head in anger and frustration and telling my husband that his life would be better if he ran away and we treat him like a slave (i told him to wash the pots from tea, 3 bowls some cuttlery and a pan).