Argumentative 8 year old, please help me :(

aligerdie

I've just sent DD1 to her room & told her to put her PJ's on (at 4.30pm ) because she will not stop arguing with me and talking to me like cr*p with an awful attitude. I'm totally at my wits end, sat here in tears because I feel like I've done a terrible job of bringing her up for her to behave like this.

She was always a very laid back girl, but for the last couple of years or so has become fussy, argumentative and is constantly falling out with her friends. To be honest, it's embarrassing and comments have been made by other mums.

I feel like I'm doing something terribly wrong, but I have no idea why she's behaving like this, or what to do to stop it! Her attitude stinks, and it's like living with kevin the teenager

Please help me as I'm at my wits end...

pupsicola

You aren't doing anything wrong. You have handled the situation right and let her know that it is not acceptable for her to behave this way and sent her to her room to think about it.

Friends of mine are teachers and there is a child in one of the classes who is just like you describe your daughter (she is also 8).

Does your childs school run any lunchtime clubs for children who are displaying the behavioural traits of your daughter. My sons school has a couple of clubs that run for children who have some emotional or behavioural problems.

Sit and chat to your daughter when she has calmed right down. Could it be that she is being bullied?

balletshoes

Kevina the pre-teen - thats exactly what she's doing :rotfl::rotfl:! You haven't failed as a mum - she's being a fairly typical 8-year old girl.

My DD is nearly 10, and she has actually calmed down a bit (but those challenges between us will be back with a vengeance (sp) in a year or so I know). What worked for me is the embarrasment factor - if I found her behaviour unacceptable, her privileges were withdrawn ie she gets no treats, she is not allowed to give or accept invitations to go to friends to play etc - and she knows I have no problem telling her friends why she is being punished.

This does work for us - it gets my DD to focus on her behaviour, and gets her to take a breath and think about how she's talking/what she's saying to others.

BitterAndTwisted

It takes two to have an argument, so just don't engage with her when she's behaving like that. Completely ignoring her will tell her what she needs to know.

aligerdie

pupsicola wrote: »

You aren't doing anything wrong. You have handled the situation right and let her know that it is not acceptable for her to behave this way and sent her to her room to think about it.

Friends of mine are teachers and there is a child in one of the classes who is just like you describe your daughter (she is also 8).

Does your childs school run any lunchtime clubs for children who are displaying the behavioural traits of your daughter. My sons school has a couple of clubs that run for children who have some emotional or behavioural problems.

Sit and chat to your daughter when she has calmed right down. Could it be that she is being bullied?

Thank you for your reply, it certainly feels like I've done something wrong.
Their school have a nurture group which she goes to instead of assembly. I've spoken to the teacher about it, and they've been looking to identify the cause of her attitude & fussiness, but absolutely nothing has been picked up.

About bullying, I don't know - however, she has got a habit of snitching on people at school (when it doesn't involve her) which has caused problems a few times with kids taking offence.

For some reason it's almost like she wants to be in charge, she's very bossy and naturally her friends aren't keen, and fall out with her

aligerdie

Balletshoes - thank you, I really hope you're right!! I know I'm very hormonal right now as I've got a 4 week old baby (hence the tears!). Taking things off her hasn't worked so far, I stopped her friends coming for sleepovers which upset her, as she was so rude to them while they were here!

Bitter&Twisted - you're right, which is why I've sent her to her room. If I tell her to stop arguing with me, she'll argue that she's not! I was alway brought up to not argue, and hoped I'd instilled that into my kids - evidently not

sjc3

I was like this at your daughters age. My mum use to completely ignore me when I spoke to her badly, gave her lip or was rude. She would start singing nursery rhymes really loudly, when I shut up so did she and she would square up to me and say "behave like a baby, get treated like a baby" Cant believe this went on till I was about 11

I do the same with my daughter now, lol. If her friends knock on the door I tell them she cant come out to play and why. This has been the most effective method to be honest. My mother was over at our house the other day when I did this. After I had closed the door my mum had the cheeck to say "I cant believe you just did that, bit OTT". Thought she was going to recite another flaming nursery rhyme when I told her to mind her own flipping business!!!!

pupsicola

aligerdie wrote: »

I know I'm very hormonal right now as I've got a 4 week old baby (hence the tears!).

This explains alot to me. How is she with the new arrival? My eldests behaviour plummeted from the moment we told him we were having another baby till said child was about 3. Sorry for that bad news hopefully your dd may grow out of it way before then. He was terribly jealous and no amount of reasoning or making allowances made any difference.

aligerdie

sjc3 wrote: »

I was like this at your daughters age. My mum use to completely ignore me when I spoke to her badly, gave her lip or was rude. She would start singing nursery rhymes really loudly, when I shut up so did she and she would square up to me and say "behave like a baby, get treated like a baby" Cant believe this went on till I was about 11

I do the same with my daughter now, lol. If her friends knock on the door I tell them she cant come out to play and why. This has been the most effective method to be honest. My mother was over at our house the other day when I did this. After I had closed the door my mum had the cheeck to say "I cant believe you just did that, bit OTT". Thought she was going to recite another flaming nursery rhyme when I told her to mind her own flipping business!!!!

:rotfl:I love that idea!! I've told her if she wants to be treated her age, she needs to act it - but it seems to fall on deaf ears.

I feel like I've just got it all wrong though, did you get sent to your room & if so, did it work?!!

aligerdie

pupsicola wrote: »

This explains alot to me. How is she with the new arrival? My eldests behaviour plummeted from the moment we told him we were having another baby till said child was about 3. Sorry for that bad news hopefully your dd may grow out of it way before then. He was terribly jealous and no amount of reasoning or making allowances made any difference.

She's absolutely brilliant with him, always holding & cuddling him. All through my pregnancy she was very excited and I took her to scans etc so she was involved. She wants to help all the time with him, feeding etc, but maybe she is feeling pushed out?

She has been getting progressively worse now though for a couple of years - I just don't know why, or how to stop it.

sashadesade

Maybe her friends are shunning her a bit and she feel isolated? You could try teaching her how to get along better with people, ie. stop being bossy and tatling, and see if it helps at all?