Argumentative 8 year old, please help me :(

sjc3

I wasn't sent to my room as I had a tv, books, music centre etc etc up there so would have been far too comfy and entertained. My mum made sure there was some god-awful boring chore that would need to be done by a naughty child. Like shoe shining, weeding the garden, peeling some potatoes for dinner etc etc.

I was a devil of a child and a right hadfull of a teenager. When my now hubby asked my dad for my hand in marriage (what a romantic) dad didn't hold back at jumping at the chance. At our engagement party they handed him a cheque and said "how much for taking her off our hands forever, but dont even think of bringing her back". Its a wonder dh is still around.

My mum was chuffed to bits when I had a little girl. Her first words to me when meeting my dd were "lets hope she has your character darling"

aligerdie

sashadesade wrote: »

Maybe her friends are shunning her a bit and she feel isolated? You could try teaching her how to get along better with people, ie. stop being bossy and tatling, and see if it helps at all?

I have wondered that, there is one in particular who she doesn't get on with all the time.

I've sat her down and spoken to her about treating people nicely, not to snitch all the time (as she doesn't like it when people do it to her) and just generally chilling out! Think we may need to revisit this again though as it didn't work.
I'm very laid back, which is probably why I find it difficult to understand what's going on.

aligerdie

sjc3 wrote: »

I wasn't sent to my room as I had a tv, books, music centre etc etc up there so would have been far too comfy and entertained. My mum made sure there was some god-awful boring chore that would need to be done by a naughty child. Like shoe shining, weeding the garden, peeling some potatoes for dinner etc etc.

I was a devil of a child and a right hadfull of a teenager. When my now hubby asked my dad for my hand in marriage (what a romantic) dad didn't hold back at jumping at the chance. At our engagement party they handed him a cheque and said "how much for taking her off our hands forever, but dont even think of bringing her back". Its a wonder dh is still around.

My mum was chuffed to bits when I had a little girl. Her first words to me when meeting my dd were "lets hope she has your character darling"

Ahh, maybe I should try that then as she does have tv in her room - she can only watch dvds on it though as we don't have a good signal. Her dvd's have been taken off her though...
I'll try anything right now, thank you for sharing your experience!!

Just out of interest, did you know how you were behaving and you couldn't stop yourself, or was it deliberate? I can never tell with DD1

sjc3

Im really not sure tbh. I was a very headstrong, stubborn child and so just thought my opinion should be heard and didn't like hearing "NO". Still don't :rotfl:

I dont think it was a matter of deliberately doing something to cause a reaction in my mother. Nobody would deliberately want to set her off singing nursery rhymes. Her singing voice has to be heard to be believed :cool:

apples1

The only other thing I would suggest is instead of punishing her (taking away DVDs, sending to room etc) is to reward good behaviour. Have a play date at yours and listen and watch how she behaves with the friend. If she does well and tries to be kind then say she can have another a week later (or two weeks whatever fits).

Pick another scenario where you end up arguing and target that. E.g if from the moment she comes in from school until the end of tea she talks nicely to you, empties her school bag without being asked (or whatever the things are you want) then you will read to her for half hour at bedtime (or buy her a magazine the next day or whatever you know she will like). If she doesn't achieve then just say that's a shame I was looking forward to reading to you/getting you a mag (or whatever) and if she argues say sorry that's the deal then turn away and busy yourself and don't enter into debate. She earns the treats (and try and make at least some of them a reward of time with you even tho that's hard with a baby). It allows you to reward extra bits of nice behaviour too so even if you have not targeted a specific situation but she does do something nice for you or her new sibling or someone at school you can say - here I got you this DVD (or carton of juice or whatever) to say well done for xyz that was really nice behaviour. These DVDs/cartons of juice can be things she would possibly have got anyway in the past but now they are rewards and should encourage more of the same.

I have an eight year old daughter and whilst I don't claim to always get it right the above strategy has worked for me. I also have a little toddler and can't emphasise enough how giving your time (somehow!!) one to one with her is the best reward to them - especially if you treat them to a hot chocolate at the same time!

Lara44

sjc3 wrote: »

At our engagement party they handed him a cheque and said "how much for taking her off our hands forever, but dont even think of bringing her back". Its a wonder dh is still around.

My mum was chuffed to bits when I had a little girl. Her first words to me when meeting my dd were "lets hope she has your character darling"

:rotfl: Sjc that really made me chuckle! I was also headstrong child and always falling out with friends. My Mum was so good and taught me some social skills. She spent time finding out what had happened and then explained to me the reaction of each child and why they might have felt that way. I like to think it worked and I have grown up a well-adjusted individual. But like you Sjc I still like getting my own way

Savvy_Sue

aligerdie wrote: »

Just out of interest, did you know how you were behaving and you couldn't stop yourself, or was it deliberate? I can never tell with DD1

Some of them just don't know they're doing it, some of them know and just can't stop, and some of them do it just to wind you up, IMO! :rotfl:

I've had all 3 at different times. You could take the Argumentative or the 8yo out of your thread title, it's not because you're a Bad Mother.

Gavin83

What did you argue about?

squibbs25

For some reason it's almost like she wants to be in charge, she's very bossy and naturally her friends aren't keen, and fall out with her

Are you sure you've got the right child only you sound like you are describing my dd, (she's 8 too) :rotfl:
Boy can she argue and she's always right too.
My dd's not a naughty child but can be very opinionated, she's not shy around people she knows, and she's not afraid to tell someone if they're doing something wrong:eek: (she'll snitch on anyone LOL) but on a positive she's very loving and caring, has a great sense of humor, again it's just the argueing.
From talking with some of the other mums in dd's class all the kids are like it (age related) if they are like this now (without pmt) what on earth are they going to be like as teenagers with pmt :rotfl:?


I have taken to sending her out the room to sit on the stairs if her behaviour is unacceptable, making her wait (5 mins or so) then explaining to her why i sent her out the room.

Today's latest is i praise everyone else but her?? :eek:
We came back from B&Q with a rather large plant pot and my neice was holding the bag of compost, as the girls were getting in the car i said thanks to niece (she's almost 9) for holding the compost and my dd looked straight at me and said "that's not fair you praise everyone but me!" i told her that is so untrue!!!
When she does a good job or helps me of course i say thanks and well done etc.
Kids eh?

When you find a solution that works let me know :rotfl: just incase i miss it (i'll be following this thread with interest )

pinkmami

I also have one! Just turned 9 and is a bit of a monster. She's OK when its just her & me or her & DH but once her 7 yr old sister is on the scene all hell breaks loose! She's argumantative & bites everyone's head off. If her sis is in the way she says "move!" instead of asking "do you mind moving?"! I've sent her to bed the other night withough anything to eat. She huffed at her tea & said she didn't want it & off she went to bed & had nothing till morning. I've taken the internet privilege off her (silly Moshi Monsters) and grounded her till tomorrow afternoon & no TV in her room neither.

She's a bit of a tomboy (plays football all the time & hangs around with lads instead of girls)!

God help me & DH when she actually hit puberty!