Am I being too stingy?

dark_lady

Daisy flower i think you are being really bloody unfair on the OP. She has paid off her husbands previous debts and now her husband is keeping her short of money and yet some posters are still blaming her:mad:

A husband keeping his wife short of money and expecting her to walk round in rags is featured in loads of threads on these boards time and time again. Like i said on another thread it is a very worrying trend!

JodyBPM

I think that you need to sit down with a spreadsheet and explain what money is needed for day to day living, and what is left over for treats and hobbies. You then get a budget each to spend on hobbies. He can then do what he likes with his bit as long as he stays within budget, and you can do the same with yours.

As an aside, if money is quite tight, with not much left for hobbies and fun things, then could you not consider a part-time job in the evenings/weekends when DH can do the childcare? Very few people get the luxury of being able to stay at home without doing ANY paid work at all, and if money is tight, then this seems the obvious solution.

Errata

LittleMoo wrote: »

Fair point, but he did ask me to give up work and be a full time Mum as he knew I would give our Daughter the best care at this stage in her life. If I did go out to work, almost all of my wages would be taken up in childcare costs so the increase in income would be minimal.

We do spend time together as a family at the weekend, but he's recently been working on the car for 3-4 hours on Saturday and again on Sunday. I did ask him about this and he said he wanted to get it done quicker as he knew it being off the road was a point of contention between us.

He admitted this morning that he wishes he hadn't started either project and is feeling really down about them both.

He can practise his guitar at home now he's had lessons, at no cost.
The car can be 'mothballed' until there's money available to finish restoring.

LittleMoo

Errata wrote: »

He can practise his guitar at home now he's had lessons, at no cost.

The course is making a guitar rather than learning to play one so not that easy I'm afraid.

I'd just like to thank those who have stuck up for me but I should reiterate that my Husband is not the reason I buy second hand clothes. I do it for me, because I hate paying full price for clothes. So please, don't worry that i'm being forced to wear rags etc, it's really not like that!

consultant31

dark_lady wrote: »

A husband keeping his wife short of money and expecting her to walk round in rags is featured in loads of threads on these boards time and time again. Like i said on another thread it is a very worrying trend!

This is a bit OTT isn't it? :rotfl:Where in the OP does it say anything about the husband expecting his wife to walk round in rags?

I buy loads of stuff from eBay (including clothes) just because it gives me a thrill to get a bargain and to be honest, if I was a millionaire I think I'd still be looking for bargains!

Kay_Peel

Excuse me for asking - but what's your OH going to do with the guitar making course, once he's finished it?

A new career in repairs, restoration or building bespoke guitars? Going on the road and being a guitar 'tech' to a band? Picking up old guitars, doing them up and selling them on Ebay? If so, he's going to have to invest in an awful lot of specialist equipment. A cheap guitar 'kit' (without the specialist tools that you need to build it) costs about £150. A very good acoustic guitar made of rosewood and spruce (a Vintage v300) costs the same, but it's already been built to the highest standard and you get a bag thrown in!

I'm just trying to see whether this course is a step into a crowded career (where good guitar luthiers attend college and/or serve with a master luthier for a number of years) or whether it's just a vague interest. If it's just a vague interest with no intended use for the future, then what's the point?

Put it this way - if you wanted to go on a course to learn how to make clothes, but didn't have a sewing machine, any patterns or materials and didn't intend to make or sell clothes in the future, would your OH be prepared to part with the hundreds of pounds for your classes?

dianah

i think the best way would be - as someone has already suggested - to create a 'hobby account' (or even a piggy bank!). if you do a regular deposit in it, he'll be able to plan how much money he'll have to spend on things and plan his car repairs or his guitar stuff.

i do think it's unfair to have a go at him for doing the guitar stuff given he got the first course as a birthday pressie from you, perhaps there was a bit of a misunderstanding on how the course runs before it was purchased. i also think it would be a bit of a shame to have spent so much on it already not to finish it.

i would also write down how much money you're spending on what and show it to him. that way he'll have a better idea how much money you spend on bills and essential stuff like clothes and how his 'hobby spending' compares to it.

i do understand that sometimes if you are the sole income maker (regardless of the situation), it can be a little hard because you may feel like you're the one doing all the work (even if that is not the case) and you think you're somehow entitled to your switch off time. i do suffer if my husband's off for a week and i'm not and i have to get up and work while he's at home doing stuff. i'd prefer to be at home doing stuff! i guess it's the other way round as well and we both work full time!

Bennifred

dianah wrote: »

................ i also think it would be a bit of a shame to have spent so much on it already not to finish it............................

Alternatively. you could look at it as throwing good money after bad, and cut your losses.:p

This guitar building course makes me think of those magazine offers that suck you in by offering the first issue quite cheaply but you end up spending a fortune week by week to build/make something that could be done at a fraction of the cost.

Aless

The point Daisyflower was making that some people find it extremely stressful being the sole provider of the entire family and having people completely dependent on their wage is perfectly fair. Some people enjoy that responsibility and some people find it very stressful, to acknowledge this is not an attack on any group of people.

And by the by if you do not, what ever your sex, want to be financially dependent on someone else earn your own wage, it gives you choices and freedom.

dark_lady

And the easiest way to do that???

Dont have children!!!