Am I being too stingy?

monkeychops

I don't think you are being too stingy your OH sound like he is very irresponsible with money

soupdragon10

tessie_bear wrote: »

could u work out what money u have for hobbies and split it 50 50 then what u both do would be ok as long as it came in on budget ?

Would definitely second this - perhaps go so far as to put his half into a separate account - he might start to learn to budget his money if he can see what he has to spend and how this runs away if he isn't careful.

Errata

The only way to sort out a problem is to talk it through. You could start by telling him exactly what you, your DD and he are having to go without in order to fund his hobbies.

LittleMoo

Well I tried to talk about it last night but didn't get far. He did say he'd rather halt work on the guitar than the car, which is something I guess.

BitterAndTwisted, I should point out that the reason I cleared his debts was because as a married couple living together, his credit record would affect mine too and I didn't want us, as a couple, to be paying money in interest unnecessarily.

I think the idea of a separate hobby account for him is a great idea. Thanks everyone.

Mojisola

LittleMoo wrote: »

I think the idea of a separate hobby account for him is a great idea. Thanks everyone.

Wouldn't it be better for you both to have a hobbies account?

DaisyFlower

If he's the only one earning then its unfair to say he cant spend money on his hobbies. Perhaps he feels he has a right to choose what to spend some of the money on as he's worked for it.

Being the sole earner whilst having to provide for another adult and a child is a huge burden on a person. Could you not help and work too so that there is more income in the household?

Barneysmom

I'm just going to stick my oar in and ask, what hobbies do you do together? If he's at work all day, then working on the car and having guitar lessons, he doesn't seem to spend much time with you and your little girl?
I'd say he should get rid of the car, have his guitar lesson, you have your craft hobby, then choose something you all like to do together as a family.

ViolaLass

DaisyFlower wrote: »

If he's the only one earning then its unfair to say he cant spend money on his hobbies. Perhaps he feels he has a right to choose what to spend some of the money on as he's worked for it.

Being the sole earner whilst having to provide for another adult and a child is a huge burden on a person. Could you not help and work too so that there is more income in the household?

OP stays at home to look after the child/ren. He/she is also therefore contributing by ensuring that they don't have to pay for childcare. To suggest that the OP is making their partner shoulder all the burden is therefore (oh my god, where do I start?) Just Not On.

My husband and I have fixed amounts we are allowed to spend as we wish. It's up to us not to overspend and I would get cross with my husband if he did (and he with me). On the plus side, it means we can each do what we want without having to check with the other. If we don't spend our monthly amount, it rolls over so we can save up for something big if we want.

Any

DaisyFlower wrote: »

If he's the only one earning then its unfair to say he cant spend money on his hobbies. Perhaps he feels he has a right to choose what to spend some of the money on as he's worked for it.

Being the sole earner whilst having to provide for another adult and a child is a huge burden on a person. Could you not help and work too so that there is more income in the household?

Attitude like yours explains why women no longer want to have children...

Someone has to stay at home with the children (unless they want to pay childcare, which in many cases is more expensive then wife earns in the opening hours and definitely 6 mths from being born) so does that mean that the woman should walk around in rugs, uncut hair and eat dry rice?? As she is not earning?

Noone is saying that he should spend nothing, people are saying he should just spend HIS SHARE.

LittleMoo

DaisyFlower wrote: »

Being the sole earner whilst having to provide for another adult and a child is a huge burden on a person. Could you not help and work too so that there is more income in the household?

Fair point, but he did ask me to give up work and be a full time Mum as he knew I would give our Daughter the best care at this stage in her life. If I did go out to work, almost all of my wages would be taken up in childcare costs so the increase in income would be minimal.

We do spend time together as a family at the weekend, but he's recently been working on the car for 3-4 hours on Saturday and again on Sunday. I did ask him about this and he said he wanted to get it done quicker as he knew it being off the road was a point of contention between us.

He admitted this morning that he wishes he hadn't started either project and is feeling really down about them both.