Please help my daughter is picking on one of her friends!

mummyplus3

My childs nursery teacher spoke to me today, my DD has been in a fight with one of her best friends she's ended up with a cut lip from it but G is ok luckily.

Basically my DD is being a right little cow to G and they play together in a small group of 3, my DD, G & S.

DD is going up to S and saying things like " we don't want to be friends with G anymore do we S" and generally just excluding G alot of activities and things and just being horrid to her This is the first i've heard of it today, she does come home sometimes and say her and G aren't friends anymore but I didn't really think anything of it as just thought kids will be kids and they'll be friends again the next day.

I've spoken to her this evening and told her she is not being very nice and she must say sorry to G tomorrow and I will be very upset if the teacher tells me she is being horrible to G anymore.

But to be honest I have no idea how to handle this situation, i've tried to look online but it's all about the victims of bullying rather than the bully.

Does anyone have any idea what I should do? I feel terrible for G, ashamed of my DD and of myself as I must have doen something wrong for her to be so horrid!

RazWaz

Invite G round for dinner and tell your DD she will lose a certain privilage (No TV? No pudding?) if she is mean during the evening. Hopefully by the end of the night they will be playing together again.

Sambucus_Nigra

Did you ask her why she was being nasty?

Plans_all_plans

Firstly, I'd speak to the other child's mother as soon as possible to apologise on behalf of your daughter and tell her that you've spoken to her about the issue.

Your DD needs to apologise to the other child too.

I also think you should speak with the nursery teacher and ask what in her experience will help resolve the bullying issue with your DD. Also what punishment did you DD receive when in school after the incident?

I also think that at such a young age, repetition will help her. Keep telling her that she is friends with everyone at nursery and that she should play with anyone who wants to play with her.

Wonder_Womble

TBH I think you have done the most you can at this moment in time. I think you should ask your DD if there is a reason she is being mean to G. There may be underlying reasons that neither you or the nursery teacher are aware of. Don't ask leading questions, use open ended ones such as, why aren't you friends with G?

If there are no apparent reasons, inform her again that you think she should apologise. Then ask her if she has apologised to G when you collect her from Nursery tomorrow. If she says no then you need to ask why not - again no leading questions.

Ask the nursery to keep you informed, but remember there are two sides to every issue. Don't assume that what the nursery is telling you is a true reflection of what is going on, they can only advise you on what they observe.

Hopefully this is something minor that will blow over.

Counting_Pennies_2

Sadly this seems to happen at this age group with girls. Boys seem to bumble along well together, where girls have to know they are best friends, asert themselves and fight verbally and physically in order to keep it that way.

You are right to want to stamp it out however, as this can go all the way through their long careers in school if this doesn't get addressed.

I think it is highlighting it, that all of them can be friends together. How would she feel if she was left out and people told her she wasn't liked.

Reward charts are great for this age. Work closely with the nursery, and say specifically to them that you need to know whether she says the hurtful comments. On the days she doesn't say the hurtful comments she gets a star, and if she gets a star for every day of the week she will go to Toys R Us and get a gift up to the value of £x.

With boys it tends to happen when they are a little older. My son had an issue with two other boys. All wanted to be the best friend, and sadly one parent decided they would put all their might behind their son being the big best friend, and it really upset my son. Invited the other boy to play every weekend, each time my son had a play arranged with the other boy, they would invite the other boy round to play the night before and return him late, so he would be too tired to come and play the next day and it would be cancelled. This went on for a good 6 months. So I kept with it, and made sure all three boys played together. If one was invited to play, they both were, so I could witness the behaviour, and get down to their level and explain how they could all be friends and not exclude one another. They are now really good mates with one another, they love doing the same things in a trio.

hth

mummyplus3

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

Did you ask her why she was being nasty?

Yes and she either says she just doesnt like her, or that G is horrid to her aswell. The nursery says that G gives as good as my DD dishes most of the time, But she does like her as far as I and the nursery are aware as the three of them play so lovely together alot of the time and are all excited to see eachother in the morning. I'm not sure what the punishment was actually I will speak to them again tomorrow morning. The teacher said that they are making time to take the three of them aside for a game and some activites next week so hopefully that will help.


I will apologise to her mum as soon as I see her next.

She went up to bed with no story tonight and when we get to nursery tomorrow I will be making sure she goes and says sorry to G.

meritaten

there are reasons why children 'bully' another child. YOU need to find out WHY! it may sound trivial to you - but to these kids its important. your child probably doesnt realise its bullying (she is too young). and you are upset, but put that aside and find out WHY X is the target.

vixarooni

I think this is probably normal behaviour actually. When i was a little girl my friends and i were always saying "Don't talk to x, she did this to me" and they would all exclude her. I think its just one of passages of being in a group of girls, and gaining an understanding of other peoples emotions and feelings.

I think following up with the advice that other people have given you is a good way to go, but i wouldn't start to think your child is going to turn into a nasty bully over it, i'm sure she's lovely most of the time!

mummyplus3

vixarooni wrote: »

I think this is probably normal behaviour actually. When i was a little girl my friends and i were always saying "Don't talk to x, she did this to me" and they would all exclude her. I think its just one of passages of being in a group of girls, and gaining an understanding of other peoples emotions and feelings.

I think following up with the advice that other people have given you is a good way to go, but i wouldn't start to think your child is going to turn into a nasty bully over it, i'm sure she's lovely most of the time!

She is most of the time I think thats why I am so upset, that and I don't want her to turn into her father! :eek:

jinky67

my DD and her 2 friends carried on like this all the time, but in reality were the best of friends most of the time. Its normal and I really wouldnt worry about it too much.