Friend Committed Suicide Because Of Partners Secret Debt!

Penny-Pincher!!

Let this be a warning to you! Hopefully this thread may help others gain the courage needed to tell partners of debts that they have and don't know of.

2 weeks ago a good friend (he was 27) confided in me that he had money problems. I will try and explain the basics, but bear with me as my typing skills are not good.

He was a salesman for a top car company in the UK earning about 35k a year, but his fiancé (due to marry in Feb 07) was a banker earning in excess of 60k a year. She had ill health and being ill myself explained that if she ever had to quit work due to ill health she may be entitled to some top up benefits-but obviously nowhere in the region of 60k. He told me a while back that they had taken out a huge mortgage (400k) and although it is a beautiful house they should have waited etc. I agreed, as he also said they had other debts on cards and loans. I told him of this website and he called a few times over the past few months asking the best deals on loans and cards. I was worried and did voice my concerns on several occasions, but nicely of course.

Anyway, 2 weeks ago he came to see me. He was very upset and I was worried about him a lot. He told me that he had had to make a call to her workplace (he always contacted her on the mobile) as an emergency family call had been made. He got through to the department and was told that his fiancé had taken 2 weeks holiday in January 06 and not come back. They had tried to contact her but with no luck and just didn’t go back, so when her contract was due for renewal in April they terminated it. He was so distraught-she had been out of work for 9 months without telling him. I asked all the relevant questions: What had she been doing whilst she was supposed to be at work? How has she been supporting herself financially? Why hadn’t she spoken to him about it? Etc Etc. He said he didn’t have any answers as she had walked out the day before and was just not saying anything. He thought she was too embarrassed to say and just wanted the easy option at that time which was to run away. He was worried about the debt that she may have run up, but I suggested they communicate to find out to what extent they were talking about and that it may not be as bad as he thought. I asked whether he thought she may be having an affair, but he was adamant that she wasn’t. So basically I suggested talking with her, writing down debts, SOA etc. Said if it was bad, he may have to loose the house or take in lodgers and he listened although he didn’t like hearing it.

He has always been level headed and quite mature for 27. He was here till 3am that day and as I gave him a hug to say goodbye, I told him to keep his chin up and that it’s only money at the end of the day.

We were away in Birmingham Thursday and I had a call that my friend had committed suicide Tuesday but hadn’t been found till today. He had taken numerous drugs with a bottle of drink. I was gob smacked! We found out yesterday that he had left out financial papers regarding mortgage, loans, cards and other debts and they totalled 121k. Most of this run up by his fiancé whilst she wasn’t working.

I am so upset as he was a lovely man. I am annoyed that he felt his life wasn’t worth 121k….its just money…..and I am more annoyed about the deceitfulness of his fiancé.

If one person learns from this post then I will be happy.

Please do tell your partner if you have run up secret debt, although it may be difficult at first-you can get through it. You could loose them completely if you don’t tell them.

I have lost a good friend who always put a smile on my face when I was feeling down and I feel I let him down terribly. I feel just awful. I will miss him so much.

Penny-Pincher!!
xx

WelshWoofer

Dear Penny Pincher,
Just wanted to say how sorry I am about your friend. Take care in this difficult time.
Thinking about you,
Best Wishes
Rachel.

Fait_accompli

I'm so so sorry for your loss x x

tiff

Have you heard the fiancees side of the story yet? She may have her own problems, depression etc?

babes21

How heartbreaking, that's awful and so sad .

My thoughts are with his friends and family at this awful time xx

Dumyat

I'd imagine this was not just about the money. Relationships...well who knows what goes on, sometimes not even the people in them.

Its a just such a waste of a young life. Suicide always leaves more questions than answers and the people left behind playing the "what if" game.

Penny-Pincher!!

I dont think its all to do with the money. He told me that he could cope with money but not the deceitfulness. He did tell me a figure he thought which was about 50k so 121k was alot more than he had thought.

His fiance is actually a lovely person and I dont know her side. We also have to take into consideration that she isnt very well-she has a muscle wasting disease. I have called her and left a message expressing my love/sympathy and have told her she is welcome anytime for a chat. Although I am annoyed at her, I dont know the full story, so will try not to judge.

I am just so frustrated that he felt his life wasnt worth living.

I didnt post to gain sympathy but am hoping that people can emphathise within their own current situation and kick themselves up the !!!!! to tell their partner!

There is no funeral date yet as the suicide has been counted as suspicious and an autopsy and other stuff need to be done

beverleyhills

Thank you for sharing this story. My sympathy for the loss of a very good friend

Claudie

Oh that is really so sad. Thanks for sharing and hopefully it will help someone else.

I hope his fiancee can get some help as well, she must be devastated.

Broken_hearted

Big hugs. Its so sad for someone so young to go. It happens a lot that couples just don't talk. I can't understant the people who go on about his/her money/debts when they are married or living together long term.

rog2

I can only send my heartfelt condolences to you and his family:grouphug:
It is a sad reflection on society that we can allow debt to be even the smallest factor in a person's decision to end their own life.
Rog2