Advice please 4 year old behaving 'inappropriately' at school

beachbeth

At this stage in school life you find that some children have only just turned 4 and some are just about to turn 5 which means that some children are nearly a year older than the younger ones. Add to this that they all mature at different rates and you have quite a mixture all in one class. My eldest daughter was one of the very young ones and when she was at this age I worried that she was too young to be in her class. However, she coped very well and when she was separated from a boy who was her best friend also coped very well with that too!

At the other end of the scale, my youngest daughter was one of the older ones and yet found change very difficult to handle. She also had a learning difficulty which meant that instructions given to her had to be very clear and concise (you couldn't say "that needs putting away" - you had to say "can you put that away"). It was this learning difficulty that meant she found change difficult.

I was lucky because the school knew of her difficulty and set things in place to help her. They didn't pander to her and let her do what she wanted but helped her to cope with the changes and difficulties that naturally occur in school. This is what your school should be doing with your son.

As has been said before, they should praise him whenever he behaves as he is supposed to and should help him cope with change and mixing with the other children. What is the point of telling you about him? What can you do if you're not there? Try drawing and telling stories about friends who spend time together and then sometimes they can't to help him understand it is normal.

Ellie2758

rio wrote:

No she is about 50 I would guess, no idea if she has any children. We have had other school children from his class round to play and he gets on well with them, but he always refers to James as his best friend. The fact that he has started having nightmares about the situation really worries me. The school say that academically he is florishing (in fact he is in a higher set than James who is 10 months older than him), but he is on a table with five girls and only one other boy, who is already 5 and is very large for his age and may well be a bit intimidating, perhaps this is why he is seeking reassurance from James, who they admit hugs and cuddles him back.

ok, so she's a mad old bat then as opposed to a young and inexperienced one. not that it makes any difference to your lad. blimey, you'd think they'd find better things to worry about woudnt you? next thing you know she'll be telling you he's got ADHD.

sorry to be cynical but I'm so glad my youngest is in year 11 - only 2 more years of dealing with schools and their blinkered attitudes.

chmmy

It's sad but true that when our kids start school they are expected to conform. There's only one teacher and maybe one or two TAs and they have to manage all 30 kids, so sticking to the rules becomes very important. I know 4 is still young for school but your son will be expected to sit at his table for the duration of his activity, and not get up and walk over to another table for whatever reason, imagine 30 kids doing it!:eek:


I'm really sorry and it must break your heart to see your little man so upset, but perhaps it is important to realise that it's not appropriate behaviour in the classroom and a meeting between home and school is necessary? I hope the school will be really positive and come up with ways at school and home to support your son through this difficult time. Hopefully they'll be reassuring and your DS will grow out of it soon, but it would be good to form a great relationship with them in case it doesnt improve soon and they might need to look into possible causes for his behaviour like ASD/Aspergers .

jellyhead

sorry to disagree but isn't the cause more likely to be that he's only 4 and isn't mature for his age?! they stick a label on any kid who can't sit still for hours and write war and peace at 5 years old nowadays!

i had a leaflet from surestart extolling the great benefits of putting my baby into childcare - sitting still and behaving in class are top of the list :rolleyes: plenty of time for them to become bricks in the wall - childhood isn't over at 4.

Rachie_B

chmmy wrote:

It's sad but true that when our kids start school they are expected to conform. There's only one teacher and maybe one or two TAs and they have to manage all 30 kids, so sticking to the rules becomes very important. I know 4 is still young for school but your son will be expected to sit at his table for the duration of his activity, and not get up and walk over to another table for whatever reason, imagine 30 kids doing it!:eek:


I'm really sorry and it must break your heart to see your little man so upset, but perhaps it is important to realise that it's not appropriate behaviour in the classroom and a meeting between home and school is necessary? I hope the school will be really positive and come up with ways at school and home to support your son through this difficult time. Hopefully they'll be reassuring and your DS will grow out of it soon, but it would be good to form a great relationship with them in case it doesnt improve soon and they might need to look into possible causes for his behaviour like ASD/Aspergers .

oh !!!!!! :rolleyes: just because he gets up from his table to talk to his little friend he must have one of the above eh ? :rolleyes:

honest to god,talk about making the OP feel even worse !

elaine373

chmmy wrote:

It's sad but true that when our kids start school they are expected to conform. There's only one teacher and maybe one or two TAs and they have to manage all 30 kids, so sticking to the rules becomes very important. I know 4 is still young for school but your son will be expected to sit at his table for the duration of his activity, and not get up and walk over to another table for whatever reason, imagine 30 kids doing it!:eek:


I'm really sorry and it must break your heart to see your little man so upset, but perhaps it is important to realise that it's not appropriate behaviour in the classroom and a meeting between home and school is necessary? I hope the school will be really positive and come up with ways at school and home to support your son through this difficult time. Hopefully they'll be reassuring and your DS will grow out of it soon, but it would be good to form a great relationship with them in case it doesnt improve soon and they might need to look into possible causes for his behaviour like ASD/Aspergers .

At the age of 4!!! what he is doing isnt that unusual and i think its a bit pre-mature to diagnose a problem.

evie451

Poor wee guy he is 4 years old not 14 tell the school to get a grip. Children latch on to all sorts of things to make them feel secure and changes such as reception class make this worse. Do not concern yourself that there is anything wrong with him! it is the schools odd attitude that amazes me. Your son derives security from his playmate nothing wrong with it. It would have been easier if he had attached himself to a power ranger or bunny which he could take in his school bag but he hasn't. If James mum is ok speak to the school again, I hope you have better luck!!

DjSatansfury

That school sounds a little weird. Why on earth would they be splitting kids up at that age? Fair enough if he was being unruely and disruptive. Splitting into groups during class i can understand, to focus on group work. However splitting up at playtimes...i fail to see the point in that?