stressed , fed up and very down

mummyofboys

gettingbackontrack wrote: »

Hi Jay. Sorry you're feeling so low but you REALLY are making progess - arranging to pay off your arrears, and coming toagreement with some of your creditors. You've started to get things on track and with all your stresses, that's a achievement. It must be very hard to budget when your income comes in so erratically. Is there any way you change the date of some of your payments so they all fall on the same day? I've done that in the past - it helped me keep on top of things.

Just one thought on the expenses - shouldn't the laptop, TV and playstation be covered in your contents insurance? That would save you a bit.

Congratulations on your interview too! Take care and try not to get too low. You are making steps to get things fixed - small steps but important ones and you're tackling so many issues at once. have you had any professional advice - ie CAB, CCCS? They might be able to helo you work out a budget and how you can control your cash flow easier. If you did start a DMP with CCCS, for example, you would pay them one monthly sum and they would forward it to your creditors. That might take some of the stress away.

Hang in in there - you're coping brilliantly and things will get better. Just think how much extra you'll have when you pay off those arrears!!!

I had a major ebay day today, have listed loads of things so hoping that will help abit. I havnt called anyone, I am hoping to get full time work in summer and really try and knock the debts down so they are more managable. .I dont have contents insurance : s

Yes its very hard to budget with all my money coming in differently, i find it very hard!

Stoffy

jay_mi10 wrote: »

Thanks, no he does suffer with depression, anxiety and OCD, he was very bad about 6 months ago to the point of refusing to talk and having panic attacks alot. He went to the doctors with me and he is on daily medication... he just doesnt cope well with finances ect / well he does but it worries him. .. and im reluctant to put pressure on him after hes making a recovery. Plus last time when I did, he didnt really help much it just made things worse.
Sky I am locked in with at the moment but your right I am not really getting the benefit of it at the minute... I am not depressed, I just feel abit like I am always having to fight, and im worrying I am never going to be free of debt, it seems like most people my age dont have these worries yet I have to worry about even buying a coffee right now. My husband works 9-5 but has the kids whilst I work, I work hours such as 3-8 after college so he will collect the kids and give them tea and put them to bed ect so getting a part time job would be very difficult!

OK Jay,

Sorry if I sounded critical of your husband in my previous post, I've just read it back to myself and haven't painted the best picture of what I thought he was like. I'm sure he does his best to provide for you and your family. A lot of men may have not stuck around, especially at his age. I know at 24 a wife and 2 kids was the last thing on my mind (still is if I'm honest). Kudos to you & your husband!

Have you also tried shopping around for cheaper childcare options. Maybe if anyone in your family could 'babysit' one day a week for instance, (I''m sure you've already explored this option). I'm by no means the best person to speak to on childcare issues but maybe you could find a nursery which charges less than what your paying now.

I hope you do manage to get things sorted and although you are young, I know many people who have been in similar circumstances and have done an amazing job raising their child/children. They have all struggled as everyone with children does these days regardless of age but they get through it in the end.

I definately think you should make a bit of free time for yourself too, even if its just a couple of hours a week to visit a friend or just soak in the bath for a couple of hours. As important as the kids are you need your own space every once in a while.

There are plenty of things you can do with your family too which don't cost anything. You say you live in the north west, I do too. Places like Liverpool Museum, Sefton Park, even the beaches in the North West (weather permitting). Whilst you may not fancy any of these things, just to be out with your family just the 4 of you is a great way to spend quality time together and forget the worries you have for a few hours. Obviously you're very busy but you need a break sooner or later or you will burn yourself out and the kids will love it too.

Bottom line is, you are under a lot of pressure and not doing yourself any favours by keeping it to yourself. If you don't feel you can burden your husband, speak to a close friend or family member. They may even have some really good advice or offer you help with the kids every once in a while, you never know.

I know I went a bit off subject earlier speaking about days out when you came on here worrying about debts but I do feel once you start to feel happier with yourself and your husband continues to get better with his illness, the other things (debts) will start to fall into place with it. Positive mental attitude really does work and your concentration levels when your studying will soar if you take the occasional time out every now and then.

Hope you get things sorted and keep us upto date on here x

mummyofboys

Stoffy wrote: »

OK Jay,

Sorry if I sounded critical of your husband in my previous post, I've just read it back to myself and haven't painted the best picture of what I thought he was like. I'm sure he does his best to provide for you and your family. A lot of men may have not stuck around, especially at his age. I know at 24 a wife and 2 kids was the last thing on my mind (still is if I'm honest). Kudos to you & your husband!

Have you also tried shopping around for cheaper childcare options. Maybe if anyone in your family could 'babysit' one day a week for instance, (I''m sure you've already explored this option). I'm by no means the best person to speak to on childcare issues but maybe you could find a nursery which charges less than what your paying now.

I hope you do manage to get things sorted and although you are young, I know many people who have been in similar circumstances and have done an amazing job raising their child/children. They have all struggled as everyone with children does these days regardless of age but they get through it in the end.

I definately think you should make a bit of free time for yourself too, even if its just a couple of hours a week to visit a friend or just soak in the bath for a couple of hours. As important as the kids are you need your own space every once in a while.

There are plenty of things you can do with your family too which don't cost anything. You say you live in the north west, I do too. Places like Liverpool Museum, Sefton Park, even the beaches in the North West (weather permitting). Whilst you may not fancy any of these things, just to be out with your family just the 4 of you is a great way to spend quality time together and forget the worries you have for a few hours. Obviously you're very busy but you need a break sooner or later or you will burn yourself out and the kids will love it too.

Bottom line is, you are under a lot of pressure and not doing yourself any favours by keeping it to yourself. If you don't feel you can burden your husband, speak to a close friend or family member. They may even have some really good advice or offer you help with the kids every once in a while, you never know.

I know I went a bit off subject earlier speaking about days out when you came on here worrying about debts but I do feel once you start to feel happier with yourself and your husband continues to get better with his illness, the other things (debts) will start to fall into place with it. Positive mental attitude really does work and your concentration levels when your studying will soar if you take the occasional time out every now and then.

Hope you get things sorted and keep us upto date on here x

No I knew you wernt having a go at him , its just hard to explain as he does keep a job ect, yeah i agree about time out ect, it seems hard these days to do that, but aybe thats what i need. Find it hard to talk to people, I have stupid pride, my dad is pretty well off, my younger sister just got a job as a teacher ( her first interview ) and my friends are mostly single and at uni, they dont really understand. Debt can be really lonely I have found

Thanks for your advice, yes im not too far from liverpool infact my best mate lives there those places are good suggestions.

bluebag

jay_mi10 wrote: »

I had a major ebay day today, have listed loads of things so hoping that will help abit. I havnt called anyone, I am hoping to get full time work in summer and really try and knock the debts down so they are more managable. .I dont have contents insurance : s

Yes its very hard to budget with all my money coming in differently, i find it very hard!

You are doing well, don't knock yourself, what you are trying to achieve is a major undertaking. It may be difficult to apply yourself to your studies, support your husband and be a mum while all this is hanging over you and you are worrying about every penny.

I agree with the poster who suggested one of the debt charities, purely from the stress point of view. It would help to have someone else worry about what goes where and when.

It's so hard when life is all bills and work and so much as a cup of coffee feels like a major event. It's becomes an existence rather than living.

It took me ten years to dig myself out of horrific debt, so I do sympathise. Try and get some professional advice, god knows you deserve a break!

forallotherthings

Just wanted to add my well wishes and congrats about the studies. You're right debt can be a lonely place, you are young and juggling a lot. Don't listen to nasty sniping it's no ones place to judge you for wanting to provide for your kids.

I'm a nurse I recently got a good job after my old team lost all their funding, it's by no means impossible. There are (as you have been given a clear example of) some nasty old baggages in nursing (makes you realise where all those nurses from hell stories come from doesn;t it) who like to make themselves feel better by doing someone else down. Don't let it get to you x

Mandamoo_3

Hi Jay

I am in agreement with forallotherthings, I too am studying nursing, Im a single parent and up to my eyeballs in debt. As difficult as it is try to remember the positive things you are doing in your life, you are studying for a decent career, and you are tackling your debts. While all this is going on you are still working as well as raising a family, I think you are doing amazingly!

I do agree with the posts about trying to get some you time and also my daughter and I try to have a trip to the beach or park for a couple of hours a week to just spend time together and have fun.

Take care and good luck with your continued studies and journey to debt freeness

Mandamoo

mummyofboys

Thanks all, this is actually helpful for me... anon venting lol it really inspires me to here other people have managed to combined kids and study, I cant wait to be where I want to be. I think im just fed up as my husband leans on me .. sometimes I wish I could lean on him abit, but hey you cant change people can you!

wigwam

I'm a nurse too!!
oh and a single mum. I've been a nurse for many years and I can honestly say whilst the NHS is going through some difficult times there will always be a job out there for most nurses, even at lower pay if job cuts hit....but a job is a job. I'm sure you can get through the tough times ahead and dont let your debt put you off.... look at me 15 years in and still in debt.... oops.. perhaps dont look at me
If you can get OH to do some childcare at the weekend you can perhaps do some work as a health care assistant?
Better pay at weekends and you get experience which will help with the course.
Take care xx

Mandamoo_3

Hey us nurses and nurses to be need to stick together

Jay yiu can lean on me, I probably have or are going through most of the emotions you have/are, we can suffer through the years of studying/debt managing together!

Please though if you need to vent you can always pm me, I seem to spend a lot of time on here ( often instead of studying oops!)

MMoo

honey10

Hi Jay,

I just wanted to say, you should be really proud of yourself, you are juggling more than your fair share.

I'm sorta in the same position, a part-time student (the joys of the law lol) with some debt, and i feel like the walls are closing in sometimes (although, your situation is different)

You reminded me of the old adage - A woman is like a tea bag, you never know its strength until you put it in hot water
I have complete faith that you will get through it and you'll be a stronger person for the experience. Feel free to PM me if you want to, i dunno how much help i can be, but i can try.

keep smiling
zoe