grandparents rights - help

kelloggs36

I feel lots are being rather harsh here - here is a grandmother who has lost a daughter but who wishes to maintain a relationship with her own flesh and blood in her grand-daughter. The relationship shouldn't change just because she hasn't got her real mother in her life anymore - it is continuity of her family and it is extremely important. I would do as another poster suggested, and try and befriend the whole family - welcome them all round and incorporate them into your own family. I wish you well in your endeavours - I would be devestated to think that my mother couldn't see my children if anything happened to me - she would be heartbroken.

pupsicola

The relationship will change though if their is such animosity towards the step mum. It is tragic the OP has lost her daughter. But the important one here is a 9 year old girl who has lost her mum. She now has the security of her dad and a stepmum. But in the background is a grandmother who quite blatantly hates this new set up and is resentfull. At 9 years old would you want to be in the middle of that friction? I certainly wouldn't have liked it.

OP I am genuinely sorry for the loss of your daughter but unless you work on the relationship with your son-in-law and his new partner you will drive your granddaughter away. Will have nothing to do with her step-mum.

catfish50

kelloggs36 wrote: »

I feel lots are being rather harsh here - here is a grandmother who has lost a daughter but who wishes to maintain a relationship with her own flesh and blood in her grand-daughter. The relationship shouldn't change just because she hasn't got her real mother in her life anymore - it is continuity of her family and it is extremely important.

I would say that the relationship between a grandparent and a grandchild really has to change once the child's situation changes. A woman who marries a man with a child is already facing a challenge. The child misses her mother, may at first resent the stepmother and feel that if she accepts her she may be being disloyal to her biological mother. It's the duty of everyone else in the child's life, including her grandparents, to help her accept her adoptive mother and settle in to her new situation and be happy. Even if it means the grandparent seeing less of her. Grandparents are just not as important in a child's life as parents. I speak as a grandparent.

I would be devestated to think that my mother couldn't see my children if anything happened to me - she would be heartbroken

But it's not a question of the OP not being allowed to see her grandchild. She sees her very frequently. It's important to give the new marriage a chance to work. That's the child's best chance for happiness.

A family counsellor might be able to help.

faithcecilia

As your grandaughter has been adopted, this 'other woman' is now her mother - I can well imagine my cousins reaction if anyone refered to her parents as 'so-called' parents and I wouldn't want to be around!!! I am sorry your daughter died, but it is not this woman's fault.

I would find it very unusual for any 9yr old to not have other interests and want more of her weekends to herself, and this is likely to increase as she gets older. I would imagine your best bet of seeing her regularly would be to talk to her parents and her and see if you can come to arrangements that suit everyone better - maybe a weekend less often, or tea after school etc.

sjc3

My parents see their granddaughter once a month, sometimes once every 6 weeks. This is not due to any dispute in the family just that we all lead busy lives and dont live that close. So your contact with your granddaughter seems good, if not a little excessive.

My parents keep in contact with her in other ways. They phone up once or twice a week and catch up on her day and what she is looking forward to. Makes her feel loved and that they are taking an interest without it being a heavy thing.

She loves doing drawings for them and we post these off to them. She writes little notes to them. They send each other emails. There are all kinds of ways of keeping in touch.

Its not the quantity of time you spend together that counts but the quality of that time. If your granddaughter feels forced into contact, especially with an atmosphere surrounding it, she will not want to.

Maybe write a letter and suggest if this kind of arrangement could be set up between you and your granddaughter. Then you would have that regular contact you crave but without all the hassle.

System

Its sad to read how so many children seem to lose interest in their grandparents or have "better things to do". I'd do anything for one more day with my grandparents

Hope things get sorted for you OP

blue_monkey_2

Oh dear, the OP posted the same thing yesterday on another thread and got the same reponse regarding 'her so called mother'. Maybe she has the message and we have scared her off.

juliethemuse

xXMessedUpXx wrote: »

Its sad to read how so many children seem to lose interest in their grandparents or have "better things to do". I'd do anything for one more day with my grandparents

Hope things get sorted for you OP

oh me too, i worshiped the ground my grandma walked on, absolutely adored her, she died when i was 14, i'm now 46 and i still miss her.

blue_monkey_2

Not everyone has close families like that I am afraid - they are few and far between.

I never saw mine from one month to the next - judging on what the OP thinks of the little girls new mother, would you want your children in the company of someone as spiteful and who speaks like that?

SOMETHING had to have happened for the grandmother to obtain a court order. We are asking what that thing is as it could make a huge difference on why they are not all sitting down to dinner every Sunday - am I am kind of guessing it was none too pleasant either. Especially if she speaks this highly of the girls new mum. The lady has adopted her so has clearly been part of her life for a long time.

Violetta_2

Hi granny123 I think it's natural (not saying it's right though) for you to resent your granddaughters stepmum- she is only there because your daughter died, but that's not her fault. She will never be good enough for you, but again that's not her fault or your granddaughter's fault. I don't know about court order's or contact order's but is there anyway you can try & build some bridges with your granddaughter's family before you try going down the legal route. Could you ring your granddaughter for a chat or maybe arrange to do something special since you miss her, a trip to the cinema or out for a pizza. The suggestion of inviting them all over for lunch is a good one.
I know it's not fair that you lost your daughter, I feel similar resentment to my mil , my mum died 9 years ago & I know she would be a much better granny to my dd than my oh's mum is. Some of that is just because she isn't my mum.