grandparents rights - help

granny123

I have a section 8 contact order by agreement made 2004. 2005 my grandaughter's then step parent (my daughter is deceased) made a section 26 adoption order. Contact continues roughly around the arrangment of 6 hours every two weeks. She has missed the odd one and her father (biological) tells me that sometimes she just wants to do other things. I dont accept this it is obvious that her so called 'mother' doesn't want her to have contact with me due to my link with her real mum. I am told by one solicitor my section 8 contact order is void due to the adoption and I should reapply, another tells me it is still valid as the care situation has not changed. A senior family social worker told me that the contact I get is very generous and that I have no more rights to contact with my grandchild than any other child in the country. Who do I believe??

Fang_3

Perhaps it's your attitude to the woman bringing up your grandchild that is causing your granddaughter to not want to prioritise spending time with you?

nearlyrich

Fang wrote: »

Perhaps it's your attitude to the woman bringing up your grandchild that is causing your granddaughter to not want to prioritise spending time with you?

That was my thought as posted on the other thread...children are very suceptible to atmospheres

Supermom

You don't mention how old your grandchild is, grandparents are not always that important to teenagers.

grey_lady

Very sorry that your daughter has passed, I guess that all the more time spent with her daughter, your granddaughter is precious. It's probably true that your granddaughter will pick up on any bad feeling and might want to be playing with her friends etc when you had other plans, but that's because she's young, Im sure that at some point she will appreciate the effort you put in, and what you'll be able to tell her about her real mother.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

'So called mother' isn't a wise attitude to convey to anyone. It could mean that you are coming across as an angry old woman who hates anyone who isn't your daughter, because they are here and your daughter sadly isn't. Not an attitude that will cut much ice with social workers or judges.

As there is confusion and uncertainty about the legal position, I suggest you see a solicitor and get everything cleared up in court. Whether you like the decision or not, it's got to be better than how you appear to feel now, where uncertainty and pain are getting mixed up.

gratefulforhelp_2

Grand parents' right are, I believe, consequent on the rights of the parents. I'm really sorry for your loss, but I think it sounds like you are doing really well to get that level of contact.

granny123

Fang wrote: »

Perhaps it's your attitude to the woman bringing up your grandchild that is causing your granddaughter to not want to prioritise spending time with you?

My grandaughter is nearly 9 and I feel it is her adopted mother that is making her change the routine of contact. I am angry with her because this disrupts the relationships with her real mother's family and as I have a contact order I am not sure if she has the right to do this. She was meant to spend one day every other weekend until she is sixteen.

granny123

nearlyrich wrote: »

That was my thought as posted on the other thread...children are very suceptible to atmospheres

Thanks for your thoughts, both supportive or otherwise. Looks like I need to give it more thought but still interested in your opinions.

Kimberley82

How about befriending the step mother? Invite them all over for sunday dinner, out for the day that sort of thing.

Dont make it them and you, try and be part of the whole family

blue_monkey_2

Why did you feel the need to have a contact order in the first place.

Someone I know was part of a couple that split up. The grandmother took the child out for the day and refused to bring her back. Mum got her daughter back through the court (believe it or not it went that far!!) and the grandmother was given a contact order. However, come to age 9-10 the little girl really did not want to go. She knew that granny hated mummy and (her now) daddy. She hated the arguements over her.

I think you need to sit back and have a look about how you are with the father and new girlfriend. Tbh, they can stop contact altogether if they want and you would have to reapply through the courts again. And then they can do it again, and again. You and I both know that contact orders are rarely enforced.

This little girl is going to grow up and want to do other things like shopping with her friends at the weekend. Stop her doing the things she wants and she will resent you.

My advice is the same as Kimberlys, invite them round as a family at a weekend and get the know ALL of them. Unless of course you have already burned your bridges there. 'So called Mother' is not a very nice term and no doubt the little girl has picked up on this if you are slagging off the women she sees as her mum. Don't make her hate you when she is old enough to decide for herself, she has a new family now, sadly you daughter is not here now, so nurture the family you COULD have. If you cannot, then maybe it's time to see a counsellor so they can help you.

I hope, for the little girls sake, that you can move on from this and welcome them all, not just her. Hard as this is going to be, it reallyis time to get rid of all this bitterness - everyone can see it and we are not even in your company. Your daughter has no choice on who she goes back to each day - when it comes to you, she does. Maybe you need to give this some thought. Go speak to spomeone if you cannot leave the past behind. Tomorrow is a new day.