grandparents rights - help

catfish50

granny123 wrote: »

My grandaughter is nearly 9 and I feel it is her adopted mother that is making her change the routine of contact. I am angry with her because this disrupts the relationships with her real mother's family and as I have a contact order I am not sure if she has the right to do this. She was meant to spend one day every other weekend until she is sixteen.

That seems a lot to me. I sympathize with your desire to keep up your relationship with your grandchild, but children do develop their own interests and activities as they get older. I don't get to see my own grandchildren every other weekend, and I'm sure there are many other grandparents who don't. It sounds as if your grandchild's father and adoptive mother are actually trying quite hard to enable her to keep up her relationship with you.

She may not want to come see you at all, if it becomes a problem. If that happens, all the contact orders in the world won't help.

Be her parents' friends, not their adversary. That's the best way to support your granddaughter, it seems to me.

katerinasol

I know it's very difficult to assess the real situation over the Internet as opposed to how it is perceived by the post starts so I would like to know why the OP thinks her granddaughter's stepmother is trying to get her to stop contact?

scooby088

In the long run the child is of most importance here, i have on many occasions stated elsewhere in on the forum why do you need grandparents in your life, for me the child will pick up on your animosity towards the step mum, thus maybe even trying to resent you for that.

If i were the childs parent i would probably stop contact for good as i have said i don't think grandparents should have any contact rights automatically, and like has been said earlier the child has and will develop it's own interests away from you and may not even want to spend anytime with you, i am sorry to say but you are to blame no one else.

podperson

I'm so sorry that you have lost your daughter and appreciate the effort you are putting in to keep a relationship going with your granddaughter. However it is coming across that you aren't on the best of terms with her father and her stepmother. Obviously we don't know the details but at age 8/9 a lot of children do have things on at weekends - classes or activities, things with friends or birthday parties and just because your granddaughter has missed a few dates with you wouldn't suggest to me that her parents are trying to stop you seeing her. The contact you have at the moment is quite generous - I don't think that many children spend a full day with their grandparents every fortnight. As she gets older and especially as a teenager this is probably going to come up more - if she is wanting to go out and meet her friends and feels like she is being forced to have to go and see you every other weekend instead then just be careful she doesn't start to resent you for it - a better relationship with her parents would surely make it easier for things to become a bit more flexible, for example if she has plans at weekend she could perhaps come round on a weeknight instead?
Also as she gets older she will become much more aware of tensions between you and her parents so really would be suggest trying to get on a better footing with them now.

NickyBat

have not read all the replies but as a mother of a 9 year old i can tell you my child is no longer interested in seeing his grandmother, he has other things in his life and tells me he is bored when he goes there, so although you may not think very highly of the step mother it may not be her at all.

Apricot

scooby088 wrote: »

If i were the childs parent i would probably stop contact for good as i have said i don't think grandparents should have any contact rights automatically, and like has been said earlier the child has and will develop it's own interests away from you and may not even want to spend anytime with you, i am sorry to say but you are to blame no one else.

I think that's a little over the top. It's one thing if the child doesn't want to see her grandmother every week or even every month but to cut her off completely from her biological mother's family is unnecessary.
For what it's worth I have always seen my mum's mum 2/3 times a week - she lives very close and we have a fab relationship. My dad's mum I probably see 4/5 times a year but that doesn't mean I wouldn't miss her if she wasn't part of my life anymore.

OP what sort of things do you do with your granddaughter when she visits? It can be very boring for children to visit grandparents when they are stuck in the house doing nothing. I would want my granddaughter to come because she wants to come, rather than because there is a court order telling her that she has to. If she feels any conflict from you towards her family (inc stepmother) then this is only going to serve to drive her away.

sjc3

granny123 wrote: »

I dont accept this it is obvious that her so called 'mother' doesn't want her to have contact with me due to my link with her real mum.

Kids very often do have clubs and activities that they do on a regular basis. My daughter does things on a weekly basis and would be loathe to miss them. If you want more regular, positive contact with your grand-daughter I think you need to rethink your relationship with her step-mum.

Whether you like it or not (and it comes across very clearly that you dont) this other lady is an important person in your granddaughters life. Referring to her as "her so-called mother" suggests you have little time or respect for her. If your granddaughters step-mum is aware of this then she wont put herself out to accomodate your wishes.

pupsicola

Fang wrote: »

Perhaps it's your attitude to the woman bringing up your grandchild that is causing your granddaughter to not want to prioritise spending time with you?

I agree with this

Fang_3

granny123 wrote: »

My grandaughter is nearly 9 and I feel it is her adopted mother that is making her change the routine of contact. I am angry with her because this disrupts the relationships with her real mother's family and as I have a contact order I am not sure if she has the right to do this. She was meant to spend one day every other weekend until she is sixteen.

That's utterly ridiculous - until she's 16. For all intents and purposes this is your granddaughter's mother. You're blaming her because you don't have a clue what's going on. It's more than likely that the girl would rather spend her weekends with her friends, or doing things with her parents, than be forced to spend time with her grandparents, especially when your dislike of her mother is so obvious to everyone.

Fang_3

OP - have you ever thanked this woman for being a mother to your granddaughter?