How do I deal with changes to my sons stayin contact?

barbiedoll

Please make sure that you keep the text from the girlfriend, she is the one who won't allow your son to stay at the family home and she is depriving him of contact with his half-siblings. The text could also be construed as threatening behaviour.

Your son is clearly torn between loyalty to his dad and to you, plus it seems as though the gf has marked him as someone who cannot be close to her kids for whatever reason. No wonder he is having trouble at school. I know the cost of a solicitor is daunting but you do need to get something sorted out. Maybe try social services first, they may be able to get some sort of mediation going and they will be able to hear from your ex and gf as to why exactly your son is barred from their family home. You could also get across your fears for your son's mental and physical health and well-being, there's no reason why your ex can't see your son for a day and then bring him home, rather than treating him like a dangerous dog who can't be allowed near the other kids. Staying with relatives who he hardly knows cannot be classed as parental contact, your son is being off-loaded to someone else by your ex, who can't have it both ways, he either wants to spend the weekend with him or he doesn't.

Don't be scared of ex and gf shouting and hollering in the street, if they start behaving like this, shut the door (with son inside), and call the police. Don't put up with this stuff, you don't deserve it, nor does your son.

TheEffect

My son has become emotional and aggressive, bedwets, soils his pants, absconded after school and ran 3 miles away.

This immediately is not right and is a key sign of sexual abuse!

If teachers at school have noticed any of these signs, it's possibly they may have notified social services! Deal with this problem and get to the cause of it immediately.

As for the father, do what you feel is best. Keep evidence and talk to your son about what he wants, as he is old enough now to make his own decisions. As long as what you are doing is correct and relevant and your son is happy and it's what he wants, the court will stand by you.

flutterby_lil

TheEffect, it is not necessarily a sign of sexual abuse, but of a withdrawn boy lacking on confidence who is clearly going through a period of change and insecurity.

Good luck mrs1978 - how did you get on this week with solicitors?

DVardysShadow

flutterby_lil wrote: »

TheEffect, it is not necessarily a sign of sexual abuse, but of a withdrawn boy lacking on confidence who is clearly going through a period of change and insecurity.

I agree with this. OP is being quite level headed, but from some other the other info on the thread it seems at least vaguely possible that father may actually be baiting mother into an illfounded sexual abuse allegation.

Something to be completely avoided here is going down the road of sexual abuse allegations unless it really is going on - with everything on a knife edge for the child, the consequences of going down this road if nothing is happening could be nearly as bad as if something really had happened.

sjc3

I would definately contact a solicitor and arrrange to get the court order changed. Your ex sounds like a nasty arrogant piece of work who is showing no regard for your sons well-being. A child who is being cared for properly by his dad does not show the behaviour traits your son has been. Nor does he start bed wetting etc, that is a clear indication that the current contact is causing him anxiety and stress.

I really feel for you, what a terribly sad situation for an 11 year old to be in, poor lad. At least he has a good mum who is looking out for his welfare.

mrs1978

Thanku all. I just wanted to say that I don't believe there is any sexual abuse
in play in anyway whatsoever. I do feel and agree that these are clear signs of distress.
I had legal advice and have been advised to re apply to court and have the order varied. My son had some contact with dad last wk to go on a bike ride. He returned early, nrp gave no reason just ds wanted to come home, but everything ok. Ds later out the blue said I didn't enjoy my time mom, i said what with dad or on the bike, with dad, please don't tell him tho I don't want to hurt his feelings.

My son has since told me that the nrp has bought him xbox live and headset and has set up an adult account and has
bought him 16 & 18 games to play online with school Friends & dads 'friends' .
Games such as assassins creed, splinter cell & alien vs. Predator and cod.

Really not happy, it was nrp that suggested I
court he didn't want ds online gaming ( which he doesn't have here at
home) and only yesterday in school reassured the teachers that he felt it was wrong.
Ds said 'dad said don't tell your mom it will be our little secret '

How the hell can I work with some one who manipulates ds in this way and has no clue about parental responsibility and lies constantly .
So so annoyed, feel like all I am doin to protect him is being wasted and over run by him.

Oh. Legal advisor suggested contacting social services too, I at the time thought this a provocation but not so sure now.

My son didn't want to go This wkend coming, he told nrp and nrp talked him
round sayin if I let u have mothers day with ur mom
on the condition u spend fathers day with me :-(

mrs1978

Well before the wkend came, I got a text saying he is walkin away, and to tell ds to contact him when he's an adult ....

valkirn

mrs1978 wrote: »

Well before the wkend came, I got a text saying he is walkin away, and to tell ds to contact him when he's an adult ....

So thats it then, he comes into his life screws with his head for a while then drops him :mad: :mad: because he cant have things his own way

Still he has his mum who will be his rock when he wonders what the hell he did wrong, be strong for him hun hes gonna need you to be.

I just hope when the time comes he sees is dad for the looser he is and treats him with the contempt he deserves xx

mrs1978

Been puttin off talkin to my son about the text, but finally broached it yesterday expecting a sad little boy, he shrugged
it off and said he didn't care as he didn't want to see him anyway. We had a chat an reassaured him
it was ok to feel sad or miss dad.

Then.. I get another god damn text of the ex saying he is now takin me to court for custody! I cannot
believe that someone could play such games???
I am at a loss and think I have no option now to scounge Some money and go back to court :-(
so gutted for my son he doesn't know whether he is comin or goin .

Mojisola

I hope you're keeping all the texts he is sending. If he does try to take it court, he'll lose the case because of his own words.