Scared and tired but facing up to it

bugslet

Hi Mrs Trouble

I read that you said...'you had complete control of your finances........you will never have control again'.

I'd just like to say that I think it's probably the other way round. You didn't have controlthen, but now you realise that it can't go on and you have to do something. It might not feel like it, but now is the time when you have control.

Good luck.

fozmcfc

Didn't want to just read and run.

Good luck to you, keep posting on the forums, maybe make a debt free diary, once this thread dies down a bit and post a link to it in this thread.

I'm sure if you keep reading and posting, that in a short space of time, you'll feel much better than now. It won't be long once you get going, before you will feel totally content that you are now dealing with the debt and there is a light at the end of tunnel.

I'm sure you will end up one day looking back at this thread and saying well I'm debt free now and never ever want to go back to how I was in March 2011.

Good luck, you will do it.

CH27

Good luck Mrs T:)

kdenty

canidothis wrote: »

Is there a spreadsheet that can be shared? I realise everyones outgoings would be different but I would love some help in setting up a spending spreadsheet.

When I started I just kept a little diary/notebook and wrote down what i had spent each day. It was easy to see where money was being wasted.

I made a SOA (as mentioned above)
http://www.makesenseofcards.com/soacalc.html

And found the budget planner a very insightful tool
http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/banking/Budget-planning#tools

My partner has also been aware that we have debts and never really knew the amount (or cared to know). One day I got cross with him for spending on silly stuff so I used my own spreadsheet and printed out a summary showing income vs outgoings. The title I put at the top was "Why we are in so much s**t?"

Your husbands reaction is good I feel because at least it means he deeply cares and doesnt like the situation or feel it is funny (my boyfriend really doesnt get it and his attitude has changed a little but i still feel all the responsibility is mine). Your are in a good position to get your husbands help and support. He will be shocked at first which is understandable. You might also find he is cross at himself for not taking some responsibility sooner.

Best of luck x x

Mrs_Trouble

Thank you so much for all the replies.

We had a turbulent night last night and this morning has felt very painful but for the first time in a long time my husband has told me he loves me and I know he means it. He knows it is going to be tough but he is willing to do anything to get me out of this mess. At the moment he wants us to sell the house and rent but as we could well be in negative equity and have to pay a redemption figure I don't think is our best option.

He also thinks we should get rid of our dogs. That has left me more heartbroken than the house as my children adore them and I will have to take responsibility for us losing them.

Today I am going to try and get a basic bank account, does anyone know who I should go to and also preparing a budget.

Feel very ill, tired and sad today

Ellieseleven

Hi Mrs Trouble, just wanted to stop by and say Hi - I was in a similar position to you seven months ago. The CCCS have been brilliant and I am so glad that I entered into a DMP, it has helped me to feel less stressed and we are now tackling our debts.

Good Luck

sutters

I am wondering if your husband is looking at a quick fix for this problem but surely getting rid of your dogs and the house would cause so much pain. These are things too precious to you. The money can be sorted out. You have already started on the road to recovery there.

I know that we could not rent as cheap as our mortgage but we do have a low mortgage. We are very lucky that way but are both not working too much at the moment either!

Renting can be expensive. It depends where you live and how big your house I suppose but surely it would not be worth it if you had negative equity? You would be in debt to the mortgage company then and not have your own home?

Like I said, this has only just blown up for you and it is early days. The quick fix, in my opinion, is not a good idea.

SOT2011

Didn't want to just read and run, big hugs to you and all your family.

Although I have never been in precisely your position, I do know that the first few days and weeks will be the hardest, whilst you try and get a handle on everything and come to terms wiith it all, but you are doing so well so far, and it will get better.

I am sure that with your husband and help from CCCS and any advice you can get on here that in a relatively short period of time it will settle down.

I would reiterate the comments of others - post your SOA if you are prepared to share that info, then lots of far more knowledgeable people than me can try and suggest the areas where you may be able to make the most savings. Although some of it will feel like a drop in the ocean, a few pounds here and there really do add up over time.

And a spending diary is definitely an idea I would suggest - just knowing where the money is going is a great help when you are trying to work out where to focus on.

The information available on this site is amazing - with a few relatively small adjustments OH and I have reduced the house bills by over £100 a month, and our grocery bill is on the way down too with the help of the Grocery challenge thread, and all the great cheap recipe ideas on the Old Style Money saving forum.

Please keep posting - I have subscribed to your thread and would love to know how things are going.

birkee

I'm sorry for you of course, but what on earth led you into this trail of deception?

I'm coming from the other side, my Wife did it to me, several times. We're pensioners,,and any reserves we need to meet house maintenance and funerals etc, and I was planning on replacing two windows this year.
Several weeks ago, I stumbled over paperwork that again exposed her spending, and I found she was spending at the rate of a working mans wage for the last four months. All she has to show for it is MORE clothes.
She was paying off a credit card bill, but half of what she paid was in interest, so she was throwing money away as well.

I've paid off the debt on her card now, (from my account, hers is empty) but I can't help feeling betrayed by her deceit. I think the window replacement is going to be put off too.
You can only manage finances by working together. Why did you shut him out? I'm asking, because the same thing happened to me, and I'd like to know too.

Superbiatch

birkee wrote: »

I'm sorry for you of course, but what on earth led you into this trail of deception?

I'm coming from the other side, my Wife did it to me, several times. We're pensioners,,and any reserves we need to meet house maintenance and funerals etc, and I was planning on replacing two windows this year.
Several weeks ago, I stumbled over paperwork that again exposed her spending, and I found she was spending at the rate of a working mans wage for the last four months. All she has to show for it is MORE clothes.
She was paying off a credit card bill, but half of what she paid was in interest, so she was throwing money away as well.

I've paid off the debt on her card now, (from my account, hers is empty) but I can't help feeling betrayed by her deceit. I think the window replacement is going to be put off too.
You can only manage finances by working together. Why did you shut him out? I'm asking, because the same thing happened to me, and I'd like to know too.

From what Mrs T has said above, I don't think its been her doing all the spending, just keeping the amount of debt they were in from him. My other half is exactly the same, if we lived together he would leave me in 100% control of finances so maybe he wasn't shut out. I think we need to give her a break here until we know different

I also think throwing the house on the market and getting rid of beloved pets is a knee-jerk reaction. Probably won't work out best in the end as rental is now more expensive than buying! Post your SOA Mrs T and see if we can't help save a few £s here and there.