Am I being spoilt and any childminders?

WestonDave

It might be worth bearing in mind that in most instances, its harder to ask for help (or accept offered help) than it is to offer it.

Most of us don't think twice about making offers of help all the time - this morning being a prime example for me. We have an arrangement where one day of the week we take a friend of our eldest son to school, and then they take him on a Friday so my other half can take our youngest to pre-school. This morning they come to collect our eldest but their youngest is with them - transpires her husband can't take the little one to the preschool we use on Wednesdays which is on my way to work. Easy solution is for me to take their youngest on my way - kid is happy with that, Mum thinks she's putting me out and its not fair because its not part of the "deal". In the end I took her, she was fine, and only took me two minutes out of my journey - I certainly don't feel she was taking advantage or anything.

When you ask someone for help, most people see that as being valued (up to the point where you start taking the proverbial) so maybe this is a good chance to build some more friendships with the other mums by asking the favour - it maybe that they would welcome another person to swap this sort of casual childcare with.

Mojisola

Plans_all_plans wrote: »

My mum always makes the assumption that as a mother I'm able to cope with every situation I'm posed with, but that every other mum alive is a complete incompetent who needs to be handled with kid gloves.

This might be frustrating at times but it's a also a massive compliment!

Plans_all_plans

That is not a bad idea WD. The other mum friends I have though either work full time (and their kids are at private nurseries) or their kids don't attend my DD's school nursery! There are mums I talk to casually while we wait to go in, but I don't feel I know them well enough to ask something like this. Given the situation, I think a childminder is the only option

Plans_all_plans

Haha Mojisola: I suppose you're right really!

I just feel like the friend's daughter takes advantage of her parents (and also my mum's good nature - as my mum has done stuff for her in the past that has raised my eyebrow) Like you say it's frustrating because I know that even if my mum lived round the corner, I'd be told to get on with most things, but everyone else gets unlimited help from her!

Mojisola

Plans_all_plans wrote: »

Haha Mojisola: I suppose you're right really!

I just feel like the friend's daughter takes advantage of her parents (and also my mum's good nature - as my mum has done stuff for her in the past that has raised my eyebrow) Like you say it's frustrating because I know that even if my mum lived round the corner, I'd be told to get on with most things, but everyone else gets unlimited help from her!

Have you ever said this to your mum - not in the heat of the moment but in a quiet moment?

A lot of families label people as a "coper" or a "can't manage alone". If your family see you as a "coper", it wouldn't occur to them to offer help. You may have to be much more upfront in asking for help although, in this case, I can see why your mum feels obliged to stick with the hospital plans.

Plans_all_plans

Yes I have said this to my mum in the past, but it's been more along the lines of jokingly saying "are you seriously doing x, y and z for so-and-so? You'd tell me to stop whining and get on with it if I asked you!"

I must admit that usually I am very capable and can find solutions to problems without asking for too much help from anyone else. Also, it's not practical to ask my parents for help normally as they are so far away and I'd rather they didn't have to worry about us. I am annoyed with the friend's daughter really because she has such a different attitude to me when it comes to her parents and for some reason my mum is happy to make infinite excuses for her and others.

Spendless

How do you currently juggle school nursery hours and working? When mine were that age, morning nursery was 9-11.30, which wasn't enough to fit a working life into unless parents were able to do it between them. I realise the hours have gone from 12.5 per week to 15 recently.

Just trying to see the bigger picture to think if there's an option not suggested yet.

What about saying to nursery staff, do you have a list of childminders that might be able to help me out cos I have a one-off problem coming up. I have a vague idea that schools now keep lists of childminders. They might be able to think of something. I do know that a childminder in my area once put up flyers saying she had spaces for a teacher training day (election day) for anyone who was stuck for childcare for that 1 day and some people took her up on it. This was a few years back though.

onlyroz

Is there any possiblity of taking the child to the meeting with you - could they maybe sit in a nearby room with some crayons for a bit?

Plans_all_plans

I am lucky enough to work for a flexible employer and I work few enough hours that I fit work around her nursery times.

Plans_all_plans

Onlyroz: that is something I will look into.