How to 'get rid' of an ex-friend?

Toothfairy4

I didn't mean the title to sound as harsh as it does but I couldnt think of another way to put it... sorry this might be a long, complicated one

Basically when I went to uni our class was very small (15 people) so we all hung around together and for the most part got on fine. There was one girl, lets call her 'H' who has always been very selfish and uses others for her own gain while giving nothing in return i.e not bothering turning up to lectures then asking to 'borrow' other peoples notes and not giving them back for weeks on end while they were needed to revise, not turning up for clinics, which we had to do in pairs, at least once every few weeks knowing that her partner would have to do all her work for her.

Since uni ended I have moved to the other end of the country and keep in regular touch with most people from the class, speak to H occassionally but she never seems to bother unless she wants something.

Last year my best friend 'R' started seeing one of H's fiance's friends and H did everything she could to ruin it. Apparently she has never liked his friend (no reason, seems to stem from jealousy at him being so close to his mates). Started telling R that her boyf was seeing several people while she wasnt there, spreading rumours about who he had been seen with etc etc. All of which turned out to be rubbish....

Since then R and the boyf have split up so it was just brushed under that carpet and when the girls from our uni class decided to arrange a weekend away we thought well lets just give her another chance, she is one of these people who will just assume she is invited anyway.

So last weekend (which also happened to be H's birthday) we went away for the weekend. The whole weekend was spent having to do everything SHE wanted to do otherwise it ended up in a major huff - "it's MY birthday, I get to pick" was used several times!

The major things which happened were:

* As it was H's birthday I bought her a present thinking it would be rude not to. It had been my birthday the week before and she had asked our other friend what to buy me so I thought I better get her something. I spent about £20 trying to pick out something she would like and she got me... nothing. Don't get me wrong I dont give to receive but if this happened the other way round i would be MORTIFIED, she was just like aww thanks I must have forgot to put the money in your card, and that was that.

* We went to a restaurant (quite expensive, we'd been saving for the trip for ages) and were deciding what to have, she turns to me and says "ohhh i'm just gonna have the £30 steak, after all its MY birthday and we will be splitting the bill 5 ways so it will make up the difference lol!". Then complained that we hadn't informed the staff it was her birthday so they didn't do anyting special for her (it really wasnt that type of place).

* Went shopping to a massive shopping centre (I had been before so warned everyone of the size and to wear comfy shoes). She wore stupid shoes, after she had finished all her shopping and was having to wait on us in changing room etc (which we had done for her earlier) was moaning and moaning about having sore feet and being hungry, asked her to pick somewhere to go for food for a break, moaned at every option available and basically stomped about and behaved like a toddler throwing a tantrum while being rude to everyone else.



These are just the latest in a long line of incidents where people have constantly made excuses for her, she is just rude, selfish and childish and to be honest I cannot be bothered with the drama of it all anymore and don't want anything else to do with her. I had thought of just phasing her out and trying to cut contact but the problem is I am getting married in sept and she is expecting to be invited on the hen weekend and to the wedding. I have no idea what to do, it is making me stressed thinking about it. I guess I feel bad as the truth of the matter is she has no other 'friends' as no one else will put up with her...

meritaten

hun - you dont like this person. so dont invite her! if she wants to know why, then just tell her what you have told us! she is rude, selfish and has spoiled more than one occasion for you and quite frankly you dont want her there! Harsh yes, and will she flounce off in a huff? probably! in the meantime be unavailable to her and hopefully she will get the message!
You cannot continue to 'be her friend' out of pity, and tbh you are not being true to yourself if you feel like this and then invite her places. you can quietly 'drop' her, or you can tell her the truth!

trufflebuggy

This bit of your original post should tell you the answer.....

...speak to H occassionally but she never seems to bother unless she wants something...

Seems to me you need do nothing, she's very unlikely to contact you given her track record. When and if she does be polite and civil but don't allow your good nature to get the better of you.

You have no need to invite her to your wedding, and if your other girlfriends feel similarly then I think they will be on your side and see and agree with your reasons why you really don't want this person in your life let alone at your wedding.

Stop stressing, September is a long way off (even if it doesn't seem like it)..... and with any luck if she can't even remember a friends birthday a week before her own, I'm sorry she ain't going to remember your wedding date in September... especially if you've not been in touch in the meantime to remind her...;):p;)

Chin up and be strong, delete her number, email address etc.... so you're not tempted to call to see how she is

BitterAndTwisted

Yep, sever all contact and by the time wedding-invitation time comes along she'll be out of the picture and most importantly, out of your thoughts.

I have no idea why you actually agreed to invite this awful person to your weekend away. She sounds absolutely loathsome. Really, life's too short

Sublime_2

Sorry, I stopped at the first few paragraphs. Just don't bother speaking to her, if you aren't that friendly. Just because you know her, doesn't mean you have to hang out with her.

I don't see some really good friends for months on end now (due to a move), but we have such a good laugh when do get together. These are people I feel comfortable with, and can be myself with, so I look forward to their company.

Sambucus_Nigra

Toothfairy4 wrote: »

H. You are just rude, selfish and childish and to be honest I cannot be bothered with the drama of it all anymore and don't want anything else to do with you.

Next time there is ANY contact. Just tell her what you told us [above].

Then move on. Do not respond. Do not talk about her or get drawn on the topic. Do NOT invite her to your hen night. Do NOT invite her to the wedding.

Remove her from your life. Then put the kettle on and make a cuppa, there's a good girl

pigpen

You do what she did on her birthday

*in best wheedling voice*

It's MYYYYYYYY wedding so we do what IIIIIIII want

Don't invite her.. you don't like her, she is useless baggage, debris from a life long ago... I'm sure you have much lovelier people in your life, don't give her a second thought... poor woman is going to end up very sad and lonely.

Toothfairy4

Thanks guys, I know that is what I have to do, but she is not the type of person who will just take being 'dropped', i'm sure the story will somehow get twisted to make me look like the bad guy. But to be fair I can't think of one person who would take any notice!

pigpen

Do you care?

Anyone who knows you both will also surely be able to see what she is... they might not want to be the first to drop her but might be brave enough themselves once you do.

Sambucus_Nigra

Toothfairy4 wrote: »

Thanks guys, I know that is what I have to do, but she is not the type of person who will just take being 'dropped', i'm sure the story will somehow get twisted to make me look like the bad guy. But to be fair I can't think of one person who would take any notice!

Big Fat Whatever. Now, did you say you were putting the kettle on?

Toothfairy4

Lol! You guys are brilliant I know really that everyone we know knows what shes like and it has to be done, so it will be!